M. Jane Colette

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About M. Jane Colette

M. Jane Colette writes tragedy for people who like to laugh, comedy for the melancholy, and erotica for women and men who like their fantasies real. She believes rules and hearts were made to be broken; ditto the constraints of genres. The result? "A whole new sub-genre of her own... social realist erotica that's frenetic and complex and often funny and very well observed."

Also, smoking hot. Which is still the most important thing in erotica, romance... and, life?

A poster child Gemini, M. Jane Colette is, most of the time, at least two people. Her left-brain persona sold out long ago. She wears severely-cut suits of black, blue and only that shade of green ("No, not that shade--have you seen the colour of my hair and eyes? Please. Let's coordinate.") and spends a lot of time in board rooms, offices, and "war rooms" (what a name!) parsing lies. It's a living.

(But, oh, what a plethora of source material...)

Her right-brain persona longs to be an iconoclast and an artist. When nobody's looking, she writes poetry.

Tell Me (Harper Collins, 2015) is her left side's and right side's first collaboration.

You: "What's with this talking about yourself in the third person thing?"
Me: "My therapist says it's a coping-defensive-distancing technique. But it doesn't do a lot of harm."
You: "You sure? Cause it's kind of creepy."
Me: "Don't judge me."

They're both inordinately fond of parentheses, em-dashes and non-sequiturs.

Left: "It's how you knock 'Them' off-balance, before you move in for the kill."
Right: "It's how you defy the grammar-unartists and let language sing."

They have the same taste in shoes.

Left: "It's more of a fetish."
Right: "Definitely a fetish. And not a cheap one. That's why I let her sell out, by the way."

They're overwhelming and exhausting.

You: "I bet."
Me: "You don't know the half of it."

Their second novel, Consequences, is coming Spring 2017.

Left: "What?"
Right: "Who's writing it?"
Left: "This is something you really should discuss with us in advance."
Right: "Yeah. Suppose we're busy? I've got things to do, shoes to buy..."
Left: "Mmmm, shoes..."

Don't worry. They already wrote it.

Right: "Then why isn't it available on Amazon yet?"
Left: "Delayed gratification, gurrl, you ever heard of that?"

Exhausting. But they give a hell of an interview, don't you think?

You can visit both sides of M. Jane Colette at mjanecolette.com and whisper into her ear in 140 characters at @mjanecolette.

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Author Updates

Books By M. Jane Colette

All Formats Kindle Edition Audible Audiobook Paperback

Together We Stand Aug 1, 2020

by JA Lafrance , Cassia Brightmore , Geri Glenn , J.M. Walker , C.A. King , VJ Allison , Kaden Tracey , Scarlett Wells , Allison Cosgrove , Leah Negron , Glenn Geri , C.A. King , Cameron Allie , V.J. Allison , AW Clarke , Maria Vickers , Allison M. Cosgrove , Tricia Daniels , Gillian Jones , Andrea Joy , Jean Kelso , Bethany-Kris , C.J. Lazar , Sue Langford , K Logan , Leah Negron , Lorne Oliver , DD Prince , Jennifer Rose , Crystal StClair , P. Stormcrow , Kadian Tracey , JM Walker , Tracy Willoughby , Carey Decevito

( 46 )

$0.99

As the entire world is impacted by COVID-19, a group of talented Canadian authors and authors with Canadian roots have come together to bring you short stories in multiple genres, each one surrounding essential workers.

Join 30 True North authors and allow yourself to be captivated from a social distance.

Authors include:

Geri Glenn, C.A. King, Cameron Allie, V.J. Allison, Cassia Brightmore, AW Clarke, M. Jane Colette, Allison M. Cosgrove, Tricia Daniels, Carey Decevito, Gillian Jones, Andréa Joy, Jean Kelso, Bethany-Kris, JA Lafrance, C.J. Lazar, Sue Langford, K Logan, Leah Negron, Lorne Oliver, DD Prince, Jennifer Rose. Crystal StClair, P. Stormcrow, Kadian Tracey, Maria Vickers, J.M. Walker, Scarlett Wells, Tracy Willoughby

Other Formats: Paperback

This title and over 1 million more available with Kindle Unlimited.

101 Flirty Writing Prompts to Seduce Your Muse Aug 9, 2019

by M. Jane Colette

$2.99

Want to learn how to write without whining and angst? M. Jane Colette’s short, snappy Dirty Writing Secrets Series lays out a practical approach that gets you writing and creating while living your full, demanding life.

Booklets in the series include:

• 101 Flirty Writing Prompts to Seduce Your Inner Muse
• Rough Draft Confessions: Not a Guide to Writing Romance & Erotica But Full of Inside Insight Anyway
• Organized Creative: Productivity, Organization, & Sanity Secrets for the Chaotically Inclined
• Secrets of the Process Journal aka Plotting for Procrastinators

Developed to support M. Jane Colette’s popular writing workshops, the Dirty Writing Secrets guides debunk myths, disarm your inner censor, and show you how to write with freedom, commitment, discipline, and, above all, the passion that makes for stories readers devour.

Other Formats: Paperback

Text Me, Cupid: All Four Scandalous Episodes Dec 3, 2018

by M. Jane Colette

( 10 )

$3.99

Holiday stress has never been this hot.

 Meet Florence: I’ve done this before, looking for a partner or soul mate or someone-to-grow-to-love, and you know what? I’m done with that. Honestly. I’m just looking for some casual sex. All I’m interested in is a one-night stand, or several—not all of them with you. Just making it clear that I’m interested in playing with multiple partners. I don’t want to get attached and I don’t want you to get attached.

 Meet Will: I’m reeling from a recent divorce and incapable of having a meaningful relationship, possibly even a meaningful conversation. The only upside to my situation is that after fifteen years of monogamy I get to chase all the strange I want.
 He’s freshly divorced and in denial. She's twice-burnt and prickly. They’re a terrible idea. They know this. But every time their eyes meet, their clothes come off. Still—they’re not going to fall in love. They are not.

Not even if this one night stand has 365 days.

This complete Text Me, Cupid edition contains all four scandalous episodes, previously published (and still available) individually as the e-novellas Messy Christmas, Delayed Valentine, Bittersweet Halloween, and Saving Christmas. It also contains the bonus stories "Will and Florence, 25 years later" and “Awkward Cupid.”

Other Formats: Audible Audiobook , Paperback

Queer Christmas in Cowtown Dec 11, 2017

by M. Jane Colette , Dallas Barnes , Nola Sarina , L. Sara Bysterveld , Lotis Cervantes , Alyssa Linn Palmer , Tiffany Sostar , Tet Millare , Erin Sneath , Beatrice Aucoin

$2.99

A baker’s dozen of queer Christmas stories for the twelve days of Christmas. An exercise in writing—storytelling—story finishing—and story sharing.

The writers were asked to write “true” and “queer.” (Also, short. Because, shiny things!) Their interpretations of these instructions are as marvellously unique—and queer—and true—as they are. So… Read. Enjoy. And… join us? Tell your own truth, your own story.

And share it.

Stories—queer, true, shared—are how we’re going to change the world.

Truth.

Featuring: Queer as Fuck Anglican Virginal by Dallas Barnes
The Name by Nola Sarina
Double Transition by Beatrice Aucoin
A Bed For Andi by L. Sara Bysterveld
Except For You by Lotis Cervantes
Crushing by T
Ribbons by Alyssa Linn Palmer
Therapy by M. Jane Colette
Love Letter by Tiffany Sostar
Hope by Tet Millare
At The Ranch by PW Zellie
Warm Ears, Big Rock Erin Sneath
Anticipating Disappointment by Marzena Czarnecka

Other Formats: Paperback

Cupid in Monte Carlo 1 May 4, 2020

by M. Jane Colette

( 4 )

$2.99

Martina is an amoral artist who needs to stop sleeping with a lover she’s tired of and chasing after
a lover who’s so over her.

Patrice is an unemployed hand model who’s run out of hopes
and dreams.

Victor is an ambitious accountant saddled with a father who doesn’t understand money—or laws.

They’re screwed. Until they find each other in the not-quite legal hookah bar called Monte Carlo…

The first novella in the Cupid in Monte Carlo trilogy.

This title and over 1 million more available with Kindle Unlimited.

Cupid in Monte Carlo 3 Jun 15, 2020

by M. Jane Colette

$2.99

Andrew crunches numbers and wears a suit by day. By night, he likes to tie his woman to a St. Andrew’s Cross and torment her until she begs for mercy.

Ida just wants to be normal. Being cuffed and whipped until you come and come and come? Perfectly normal. Loving two men at once? Not for her.

Jamie is a recently divorced musician who wants to enjoy being single without risking his freedom, his heart or his kids’ custody arrangement.

They’re nobody’s true love story. Except in the are-you-sure-it’s-legal hookah bar called Monte Carlo…

The third novella in the Cupid in Monte Carlo trilogy.

This title and over 1 million more available with Kindle Unlimited.

Cherry Pie Cure Jun 15, 2017

by M. Jane Colette

( 10 )

$3.99

When Susan discovers her husband of twenty-two years is cheating on her, she is sure her life is over. And she thinks her friend Marcella’s advice that she work through her feelings in a blog is stupid. She just wants to sit on the couch in her ex’s old bathrobe, feel sorry for herself, and chain-smoke. But with the help of Marcella, a growing tribe of “strange Internet friends,” couriered packages of sex toys, and the most delectable cherry pie in the world, Susan gets off the couch and into the arms of a gorgeous (“OMFG how old is he?”) new lover who is even more delicious than that cherry pie. Will her kids let her have this new life? Will her ex? And will Susan dare step into the passionate unknown... or will she retreat to the safety of her old life?

“Soo-zaahn,” he said. “Soo-zahn,” he said it again, and I felt the bones in my toes dissolve. “I am so grateful for this gift, and so touched by your thoughtfulness. Soo-zaaaahn,” he said my name again, and I thought if he said it again I would die. “Soo-zaaaahn,” he said—and I lived, “Soo-zaahn, if I weren’t one hundred per cent sure that it was forbidden in the employee handbook, I would now cover you with kisses from the top of your head to the tips of the nails of your toes, and then back again. And back again. As it is, it is taking all of my willpower to not kiss the inside of your palm. Your elbows. To not drag my forehead along your nose and down your beautiful body and rest it in gratitude on your feet. And then… well, the next part, I will only think.”

CAST OF CHARACTERS

Susan as The Heroine. Baker extraordinaire, yoga-hater, Luddite, and an innocent prude. “I don’t think an exercise routine developed by half-starved men in India is particularly suitable to short, curvy, booby white women. My breasts get in the way of everything. OMG, I just typed breasts. How do I delete this post?”

Marcella as Her Best Friend. Entrepreneur, musician and happily divorced self-proclaimed “slut” who has an opinion on everything and a solution to everyone’s problems except her own. “Look, Susan, do what you want, but either keep on with the blog or go sleep with a twenty-five-year-old boy. Do you want to be a pathetic blob of goo in your cheating husband’s bathrobe?”

Cody and Tyler as Her Adult Sons. “What were you thinking, Mom?” “Jesus, how old is he, Mom?” “Have you no pride, Mom?” “Oh-my-god-what’s-wrong-with-you, Mom?”

Nika as Cody’s Maybe-Maybe-Not Girlfriend. “I’m totally trolling Tinder for Persian guys now. Just so you know, Mama Susan.”

sugar&spice76 as Susan’s First Fan. “Honey, we’re not strangers anymore. We’re your strange Internet friends. We’re all mothers, and we all do the dirty sometimes, ok?”

FemmeFataleFun as the Sex Toy Peddler. “Smooches. Everything in that care package is therapeutic, kitten!”

mommyshidinginthebathroom3 as The Token Mommy Blogger. “Let her smoke, Marcella. It’s been six weeks. You can kick her ass about the cigarettes in six months.”

ilikeherbooty-full as The Porn Blogger Who Won’t Go Away. “Is this what women really talk about when men aren’t around, or are you doing that just for me?

Caspian00XO as His Friend Who Hears About the Pie. “Susan? Do I get pie now? I’m emailing you my address.”

Reza as Susan’s Love Interest. “This is my telephone number. As soon as I leave, you will type it into your phone. And you will send me a text.

Other Formats: Paperback

Cupid in Monte Carlo 2 May 25, 2020

by M. Jane Colette

( 1 )

$2.99

Maggie has a beige job, beige clothes, a beige life and a beige marriage. She’s trapped and she can’t see a way out.

Edward is living the dream. Every woman wants him in her bed, and every man wants him on his team. He just wants to forget.

Tara is an unstoppable force. She knows what she wants, goes after it—gets it, uses it. Leaves it. She likes things just fine that way.

They’re not meant for each other. Not at all. Except they keep on ending up in each other’s arms, in the (mostly) legal hookah bar called Monte Carlo…

The second novella in the Cupid in Monte Carlo trilogy.

This title and over 1 million more available with Kindle Unlimited.

A Cupid for Christie Feb 12, 2020

by M. Jane Colette

( 1 )

$0.99

Hi. My name’s Cupid. And I’m trying to figure out if I can explain to my new friend, Christie, why her take on love is all wrong.

“I’m just done, done, done dating divorced men. And, especially dads. No more single dads, no more part-time dads. You know what I want? I want to be first. I want to come first. And I don’t just mean in bed. I mean, I want to come before the stupid kids’ Christmas concert or violin recital. Or flu. Do you know how often kids get sick? All-the-time. Constantly. That’s it. No more dads.”

Famous last words, right? You know how this story goes. Christie, however, doesn’t…

A short, flirty, FUNNY, a tiny-bit filthy Valentine’s Day Gift from M. Jane Colette.

This title and over 1 million more available with Kindle Unlimited.

Organized Creative: Productivity, Organization and Sanity Secrets for the Chaotically Inclined Sep 9, 2019

by M. Jane Colette

$2.99

This written addendum to M. Jane Colette’s hands-on organization workshops for chaotic creatives helps you proactively achieve your writing and creative business goals by realistically plotting your year, mapping your quarter, charting your month, designing your week, and finally, living your day as you work towards your Big Picture. It also reminds you how to track and maximize your productivity cycles, use a process journal, implement Radical Prioritization, value your lazy fallow periods, use procrastination to nurture inspiration—and to recognize that all of these steps are part of your creative process. The guide consists of six detailed lessons that take you from plotting your year through to living your day, as well as three extra mini-lessons to set you up for short-term and long-term success.Part of the Dirty Writing Secrets Series: Want to learn how to write without whining and angst? M. Jane Colette’s flirty Dirty Writing Secrets guides lay out a practical approach that gets you writing and creating while living your full, demanding life. Developed to support M. Jane Colette’s popular writing workshops, the Dirty Writing Secrets guides debunk myths, disarm your inner censor, and show you how to write with freedom, commitment, discipline, and, above all, the passion that makes for stories readers devour.Guides in the series include: 101 Flirty Writing Prompts to Seduce Your Inner Muse; Organized Creative: Productivity, Organization & Sanity Secrets for the Chaotically Inclined; Secrets of the Process Journal aka Plotting for Procrastinators; More than a Guilty Pleasure: Mastering the Romance Novel Form to Tell the Perfect Story; and, Rough Draft Confessions: Not a Guide to Writing & Selling Erotica & Romance But Full of Inside Insight Anyway.

Saving Christmas: Text Me, Cupid, Episode Four Nov 15, 2018

by M. Jane Colette

$1.99

Meet Will and Florence. He’s freshly divorced and in denial. She’s twice-burnt and prickly. They’re a terrible idea. They know this. But every time their eyes meet, their clothes come off. Experience their unique, hilarious, and heart-wrenching love story in the four episodes of Text Me, Cupid: a (slightly dirty) love story for 21st century adults.

In Episode 4: Saving Christmas, Will wants commitment. Florence wants... freedom. Is anybody going to get what they want for Christmas? (Spoiler alert: it’s a romance, baby! Everybody gets a happy ending.)

iwillornot: Hey there, Songbird. What’s cooking?
notanightingale: Why are you messaging me on OKC?
iwillornot: Why is your OKC profile still up?
notanightingale: Why is yours and why are you on it?
iwillornot: Jealous?
notanightingale: Are you?
iwillornot: Livid. I’m not having sex with you for six weeks as punishment. FYI.
…
iwillornot: But seriously, why is your OKC profile still up?
notanightingale: But seriously, why is someone whose OKC profile still up asking me this question?
iwillornot: I went on the app to disable it, actually. So I’m not one of those assholes not responding to messages from gorgeous but desperate women. Because I’m in a relationship. With a gorgeous-not-desperate woman I adore.
iwillornot: And then I thought if you hadn’t de-activated yours, I’d send you a message through it… because—do you know what today is?
notanightingale: Oh, Will. I do—now. But I forgot. Our first text-anniversary. That’s so sweet.
iwillornot: It was supposed to be sweet. And now we’re fighting over why we’re leaving our options open.
notanightingale: Is that what we’re doing?
iwillornot: Yes.
notanightingale: Don’t worry. We’ll have sex and make up.
iwillornot: I told you, no sex for six weeks.
notanightingale: You won’t make it.
iwillornot: Watch me. Will of Iron, that’s what they call me.
notanightingale: Will of Iron, does that mean I should bring a puzzle or a board game or something to amuse myself Wednesday night?
iwillornot: I was thinking, I’m gonna tie you up, and watch terrible porn, and jack off while you lay there, not having sex.
notanightingale: You are the most romantic man in the whole entire world.
iwillornot: I try.
notanightingale: See you Wednesday. Don’t forget to pick up some rope after work.
iwillornot: Aren’t you going to provide that?
notanightingale: I’m bringing the board game. As Plan B. In case you don’t know how to tie knots.
iwillornot: Oh, baby. You should see the things I can do with knots.
…
iwillornot: But seriously, Florence, are you going to disable your profile?

Bittersweet Halloween: Text Me, Cupid, Episode Three Oct 1, 2018

by M. Jane Colette

$0.99

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