MachoPoni: A Prance with Death Paperback – March 27, 2009

Lotus Rose, MachoPoni: A Prance with Death (Spunk Goblin Press, 2010)

Lotus Rose (for the record, the author is male; I didn't catch that until I got to the “About the Author” bit) opens the PoniWorld Chronicles series (as of this writing, 5Dec2013, there are six PoniWorld books available) with MachoPoni: A Prance with Death. Now, there are odd books. If you've had any brushes with the bizarro movement, you are well aware of this, and there are all sort of weird psychedelic artifacts from the sixties and all that just awaiting your reading pleasure. And then there are the really weird books, the true chronicles of what-the-[censored for Amazon consumption]ery most often found in the “new age” section of your local bookstore, self-published awful poetry, Birth Control Is Sinful in the Christian Marriages, and the stuff that even the local porn merchant keeps under the counter because he can't stand to look at it—the literary equivalents of Sharknado or The Room.

And then there is MachoPoni.

What. In. The. Flying. Hell.

“And so, brain freeze lobotomy,
Offends like a smiling enemy.
The betrayer's acts, they bring such pain,
But roofies swipe it from the brain.”
(from “The Legend of Machoponi, Part the Second”)

Among the terrifying poetry and retooled song lyrics (the PoniWorld version of Run-DMC's “It's Tricky”, credited of course to Run-P.O.Knee, is especially hilarious, or especially nauseating depending on your point of view), there is in fact a novel here. The plot: Macho and his pals live in Pastel Kingdom, the southern half of PoniWorld, where everything is bright and rainbow-y. He has a rival, Clint, and the two of them are currently at odds over Dust, Macho's childhood friend/crush and Clint's current squeeze. The two of them are set to compete in a dance-off in a week's time (that Dust's favor is the prize is never explicitly stated, but is always hanging in the background). Macho, who is the proud owner of an enchanted blue bouncy ball, is playing with it one day when an errant kick sends it over the Jagged Line into the northern half of PoniWorld—the Dark Kingdom, home to the undead ponis. (No, I am not making this up.) Macho goes to retrieve his ball and encounters one of the bands of undead-poni sentries, having a little fun with them along the way (and killing their leader in the process as he attempts to chase Macho back over the Jagged Line—it seems that while regular ponis can survive in the Dark Kingdom for a limited amount of time, undead ponis are instantly destroyed if they try to enter the Pastel Kingdom). The dance-off arrives, and, trying to to be too spoilery here, things go disastrously wrong, ending up with Dust in the Dark Kingdom and Clint pleading with Macho to rescue her from the clutches of the Dark Kingdom's mysterious ruler. Thus begins Macho's journey through the Dark Kingdom, a pretty standard (if abbreviated; the book lasts just 148 pages) quest narrative informed in roughly equal parts—unless, of course, I am reading way too much into it (which is not an unreasonable assumption)—by Dante's Inferno and The Lord of the Rings.

I don't need to tell you, having quoted a bit of it above (and trust me, this thing is full of crazy quotes along those lines), that this is just awful stuff, but it is that particular brand of awful that, if you are a connoisseur of car-accident literature like T. P. Mina and Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson, you will want to get your hands on immediately, if not sooner. Also, while there's nothing explicitly linked to the furry community in this book, there's a definite push in that direction during the poni dance scene (and it didn't take Rose long to head off down that road; the fourth book in the series is Dust in Your Eyes: An Erotic Poni Tale). In every empirical sense, this should be on, in fact should probably top, my worst reads of the year list. And yet I find myself oddly tempted, when the inevitable christimas Amazon gift cards come rolling in, to pick up the other five extant books and take another journey to PoniWorld at my earliest convenience. I can't bring myself to give it an above-average, or even average, rating, but I will say that if it's your thing, you'll want to give it a go. It's so whacked-out that you may even find yourself...enjoying it. **

The overwhelming impression I got from this story is that it was envisioned as a screenplay but converted to a novel as plan b. The big song and dance scene meant to parody "Escape from Catrina" is a prime example.
The setting and adventure story were pretty creative and would be great to watch in real animation. Far too much of the backstory was phoned in as character monologue where the source material would have used flashbacks.
I think this would be fun to watch as an animated musical, maybe by a low budget "mockbuster" studio like the one that made "izzie's Way Home".

This is not your kid sister's MLP! I originally picked it up on a whim, at first not sure if it was a parody or not. I'm really glad I picked it up. It is a dark comedy and soooo funny! I think having grown up with the original shows that are poked fun at in the book made it that much funnier. It was a fun, if twisted, check that VERY twisted, romp down memory lane.
I'm not sure if someone not familiar with the cultural references would find it as amusing as I did. Most of the fun is seeing how twisted the author gets. I also would have liked to see more of the artwork. Only two or three pictures were included besides the cover art. I'm not saying turn it into a picture book, but it would have been fun to see more.
As I said above the books humor is quite dark and there are also some rather disturbing parts. This isn't a little kid's book and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone under 18. But overall I thoroughly enjoyed it and can't wait to read more of the authors work.

If you're into this sort of book - a dark fantasy that will twist all of your old 1980's TV favorites into something not quite right - then you will like this book.

I was a little skeptical, because I kind of like remembering my Care Bears and My Little Ponies the way they were. Fear not, this book won't traumatize you! It will make you smile though, as you go through and see the dark versions of the characters you remember.

I don't know how this is even possible, but the author does a great job with the pony's personality. I can't even describe it, but the right blend of simple kid stuff and deeper adult themes are there. I was really quite impressed; not sure how, but the author managed to stay faithful to what a My Little Pony should be, even with a twist.

I can't take reading this book seriously...maybe as a comic, but not an entire book. I think the "humor" to this book is just not for me, or some people. It's probably one of those books that you either like the genre or you don't.

This book wants to be an adult take on a children's TV show, but at best it manages preteen level. All in all it was an amusing, fast read. I doubt I'd ever reread it.

I staying reading this for fun not expecting to enjoy the story but... The author got me. It was interesting enough to pull me in. I wanted to read just a little more each time. Really well written.