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Making Divorce Work: 8 Essential Keys to Resolving Conflict and Rebuilding Your Life Paperback – December 7, 2010

4.4 out of 5 stars 16 customer reviews

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  • Making Divorce Work: 8 Essential Keys to Resolving Conflict and Rebuilding Your Life
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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

This common-sense guide to surviving the stress and disappointments of divorce approaches the fear factor involved in such a big life upheaval with practical steps to facilitate healing. Setting the "peaceful divorce" as the ultimate goal to aim for, the authors offer easy-to-follow advice like giving your ex the benefit of the doubt and carefully following "8 Peace Practices." One will remind readers of the critical role of self-care: "We recommend that you deal with your divorce the same way you would deal with facing a serious heath crisis." In addition to insightful lists and journaling topics, Mercer and Wennechuk prompt readers to create their own "new beginnings mission statement." Useful chapters on grief and forgiveness all underscore the necessity of taking the high road whenever possible. "Think of the people you've met who can't wait to tell you how awful their former spouse is. They don't realize that this reflects on them...after all, who would marry the monster they describe?"
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Review

"Making Divorce Work is an absolutely essential work. .......... make use of the wise and practical advice this book contains.  And this book is especially a must read for people with children." 
--Mira Kirshenbaum, author

"This most positive offering comes from family law mediator Mercer and certified divorce mediator Wennechuk, who claim that the way one proceeds with a divorce, whether amicably or acrimoniously, will directly influence the quality of life afterward....Anyone considering or getting a divorce would benefit from reading this book."
-Library Journal

"Making Divorce Works translates Diana and Katie's unique mediation model into skills anyone can use and that will revolutionize the way people get divorced."
-Len Jacoby, founder, Jacoby & Meyers Law Offices

"Imagine a world in which instead of ruining your life your divorce could help you redefine your goals for yourself and your family. Making Divorce Work shows you how to make this happen in eight simple steps."
-Nell Merlino, author, Stepping Out of Line, CEO and Founder, Count Me In for Women's Economic Independence

"... chock full of simple, everyday, practical steps that can ease our way through a minefield so we come out not just with our sanity intact, but actually far more conscious as individuals. Its countless insights show how a breakup-whether we want it or wish to God it weren't happening-can end up actually advancing our wellbeing."
-David Robert Ord, author of Your Forgotten Self and Lessons in Loving

"...the book that every person facing a divorce must have. Many divorce books can be read---this book must be studied. The authors not only intuitively and insightfully understand what people going through divorce need and how they feel, they also offer self-help tools such as writing a Divorce Mission Statement to help readers prepare for success through this life challenging event."
-Forrest (Woody) Mosten, author of Collaborative Divorce Handbook and Complete Guide to Mediation.

"...brings consciousness, clarity, practical applicable wisdom, and common sense insight into what is undeniably one of the most heart- wrenching experiences any human being may have to face. ...a practical, creative, and healing tool to support not only those moving through this experience, but also those wishing to be of greater support when their loved ones are faced with such an extreme life change."
-Michael Brown, author of The Presence Process and Alchemy of the Heart
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 272 pages
  • Publisher: TarcherPerigee; Original edition (December 7, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 039953623X
  • ISBN-13: 978-0399536236
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.7 x 8.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (16 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #984,877 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

By Fran Fried on December 22, 2010
Format: Paperback
I'm not a divorcee, nor do I play one on television. For disclosure's sake, I've known Diana Mercer a long time, and two of her qualities are common sense and level-headedness. So it's no surprise to me that this book is full of both.

More importantly, it's not just a book about navigating the end of a marriage in the best and healthiest way -- much of the advice applies to the rest of us as well. That holds true about the chapters on The 8 Keys to Resolving Family Conflict and, especially, The 8 Peace Practices. She talks about listening, communicating, taking care of yourself, de-escalating, forgiveness and letting go -- things to which we all can relate. And for good measure, there are strong parallels between the emotion of the divorce process and Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' five stages of dying.

Divorce is such a raw and emotionally fraught subject for the people involved, but Mercer, in her role as a mediator, well-versed in conflict resolution, gives a detailed road map for those about to head to the end of a marriage. But in the process, she gives the rest of us food for thought as well.
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Format: Paperback
This book has been a lifesaver for me. Making Divorce Work has made a tremendous difference in the way I view my divorce and the life I can look forward to after divorce. Ms. Mercer and Ms. Wennechuk offer matter-of-fact yet sensitive advice on how to gain some perspective on one's situation, handle it, and move on. It's really hard to do; I definitely started down this road with a "No! Not Me!" attitude. Now with the help of this book I feel better equipped to face reality and cope with the challenges that are coming my way. I feel like I CAN make it through my divorce whole. I can see why it is better for me to let go of my anger at my soon-to-be ex so that I can skillfully navigate my way through this terrible time. Using the incredibly helpful exercises I have gained a sense of empowerment and ability to take ownership of my future. I would heartily recommend this book to anyone going through the breakup of any kind of relationship; I only wish the authors practiced mediation in New York!
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Format: Paperback
As a mediator and attorney who often works with couples in dissolution, I can vouch for the wisdom and practical usefulness of this book. Diana Mercer understands how difficult the divorce process can be, and she sets forth manageable and practical strategies for getting through the process with your emotions (and hopefully your assets) intact. She urges the reader to stick with the core values that are most essential, and delivers her helpful advice in an accessible and encouraging style.
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Format: Paperback
The advice in this book seemed heavily weighted toward the leaver. As the leavee in an 11-year marriage and a mother of two young children, I have may unresolved issues that this book either glossed over or ignored entirely. I am not about to tell people about the dissolution of my marriage, "oh, we both decided it just wasn't a good match; it's a shame it didn't work out." It's simply not true. That's not how I feel about things, and I will not lie about it to anyone. The truth is my husband and I had our issues, as every couple does, but my husband chose to abandon our marriage in favor of a relationship with another woman instead of directly addressing our issues. Rather than having difficult conversations and telling me how he felt, he simply disconnected and moved on. This book offers no advice for someone who has been left with a pile of emotional baggage in her lap, and it offers no words of wisdom for how a leavee might approach the topic of divorce with her children. One day, my children woke up and their father was not there. What I needed was practical advice for dealing with a new and frightening situation. What this book offers is advice for thinly covering over the hurt and repressing feelings, rather than tools that will help a leavee navigate a new and terrifying reality. I am left feeling that the authors have invalidated my feelings of hurt and betrayal.
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Format: Paperback
Diana Mercer and Katie Jane Wennechuk take a potentially awful time in your life and make it manageable. They help you keep focused on the task at hand leaving you with less damage then what could have occurred. Divorce is painful and a harsh reality but this book helps you make good of a bad situation. It truly covers it all and I wish it had been written 7 years ago when I got my divorce. If I had this play by play strategy to help in my divorce and tips for coping and processing "My stuff" my divorce would have been a smooth mental ride......I can now be a warning to others and recommend this book highly! Divorce is one of the most important choices you will make in your life.....so do not take it lightly. Diana and Jane make it simple and are a stand that Divorce does not have to destroy your life..............and in fact present to you that you can stay powerful and in control through it all! Thank you
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Format: Paperback
This book is not only helpful for someone who is going through a divorce, but for anyone who needs to find a way to deal with everyday conflicts at home or at work. The authors provide a step by step method for the average person to tackle hot button issues in a calm and positive way. As mediation experts, they have put together a concise handbook for people who want to "move ahead" and not dwell on the negative. Well written and easy to understand.
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