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Making Love, Playing Power: Men, Women, and the Rewards of Intimate Justice Paperback – January 28, 2008

5.0 out of 5 stars 13 customer reviews

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 272 pages
  • Publisher: Soft Skull Press (January 28, 2008)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1933368683
  • ISBN-13: 978-1933368689
  • Product Dimensions: 0.8 x 5.5 x 8.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,295,335 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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By T. D. Garrett on January 1, 2008
Format: Paperback
Excellent! A new kind of book--it shows how things in our society affect the intimacy of our personal lives, and vice versa. In straightforward language and by numerous examples, Dolan-Del Vecchio, gives men and women knowledge and tools for building relationships based on fairness and mutual respect. He draws a compelling connection between the things most men and women come to think of as normal--men should be dominant, aggressive, decisive, individualistic, and emotionally closed; women should expect these difficulties and try to help men become more completely human. And by unmasking "traditional" masculinity, he depicts the ways in which men often unwittingly derail their most important relationships (whether they want to admit it or not). Lest other societal concerns be ignored, thank the author! he includes writing about the epidemic of dating and domestic violence. (As you read these sections, you realize the obvious connections to the rules established by society, culture, etc.) The reader will see how the oppressive influence of patriarchy, racism, sexism, and homophobia show up in their daily lives, everywhere. If you don't know these words (I didn't), you should, you will because the book gives specific recommendations for individuals and couples on how to resist their influence. If you're perplexed over the scratch hardness of relationships, the seeming elusive how/what/why, or know someone who is, this book shows the way. Now, the message is out there!
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Format: Paperback
What I feel is lacking from most modern relationships is perspective. This work gives the reader, whether they be male or female, that necessary perspective to fostering a healthy relationship. It doesn't pull any punches, and thankfully it speaks in undeniably frank terms... how is personal "power" impacting your relationship? Are these behaviors learned or innate? The books delves into these necessary questions . But this work isn't just about identifying problems-it's about solving them. It helps you identify unhealthy tendencies and patterns in all your relationships.
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Format: Paperback
This is a masterfully written book! It takes the elements of male power and demonstrates its use and mis-use by typical examples clearly written. I think of myself as someone who is aware of the power politics of relationships but was amazed at all I didn't know but was obvious after the author pointed them out.

After reading this book, I knew I had to make some changes in my life and my relationships. I can say unequivocally that this was one of the best books I have read in recent times.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who does not live alone on a desert island; or is in or wants to be in an equal and caring relationship!
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Format: Paperback
Not just another self-help book with the expected psychobabble. This is an important book that in clear direct language discusses issues of relationship that are often just outside our sensibilities. It's an easy read with clear examples, suggestions and case stories. It has an audience for gay/straight, man/woman, rich/poor.....anyone who is in relationship with another human being. It is an important tool that I use in my private practice to facilitate discussion about topics often unexplored in the context of human dynamics. Mr. Dolan-Delvecchio is articulate, aware and courageous.
Dr. Shirley Cresci, NJ
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This book is extremely enlightening as to the way men and women relate to one another, and how men and women are socialized from a young age to interact with one another in ways that can create strife in relationships. I highly recommend this book for anyone who wants to relate to their loved ones in a more supportive and productive way as well as for those that need to heal from past abuse.
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Format: Paperback
This book goes straight to the heart of some of the major conflicts men and women have in intimate relationships and how to recognize these conflicts and address them. I want so much for men and women to reject the old patterns of gender roles and stereotypes and strive for neutral, equitable and loving relationships. Mr. Dolan-Del Vecchio provides clear and simple evidence of these old gender power-plays and thought provoking alternatives for creating fair, compassionate and intimately just relationships. This book comes recommended by marital counseling professionals and is a must read for all persons who are in an intimate, long term relationship. I encourage all young people to read this for the invaluable tools it offers for a successful and equitable relationship.
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Format: Paperback
Seriously folks, this book should be given to every newly engaged couple. Why wait until there are relationship problems? I bought this book to help me understand why I bail - to help me understand men and, ok, myself. The author not only explains how power inequities and male privilege corrupts relationships but demonstrates ways of changing learned behavior. Even more importantly though, he illustrates this in a respectful, non-judgmental manner. I'm writing from a layman's point of view and all I can say is that I have been searching for inner peace, happiness, and a real relationship for 40+ years now. I feel this is the FIRST book that will truly guide me to this place of being.
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