- Paperback: 342 pages
- Publisher: Prentice Hall Trade (February 1985)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0135475635
- ISBN-13: 978-0135475638
- Product Dimensions: 1 x 6 x 9 inches
- Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
- Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #604,469 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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The Male Couple: How Relationships Develop Paperback – February, 1985
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Top Customer Reviews
The first half of the book is divided into a series of "Relationship Stages" which discuss the typical characteristics of gay relationships from 0 - 20+ years. They use interviews from several couples to highlight the point.
The remainder of the book discusses the demographics, etc. of the people interviewed. The fact that the book was written pre-AIDS doesn't really make a difference. The focus here is on the emotional relationship between two men, not the sex.
Just I am ready to call it quits with my husband, I open this book to discover that the troubles we are going through are quite normal. After 15 years together, I discovered we are clearly in phase 5 - taking each other for granted. But I'm looking forward to Phase 6 - Remembering.
What is perhaps most impressive, is that you can see other couples exhibit the traits characteristics of various stages. Watch out for stage 2!
Male-male relationships ARE NOT THE SAME as male-female relationships. The dynamics are very different. I ask gay men if they went to their Senior Prom with a female, and if they say yes, I ask them if that experience had even the slightest relevance to any long-term relationships that they've had with a male. Unanimously, they say no. Our whole culture is biased in a way that messes with our expectations about long-term relationships.
Women are wired to protect the nest, and males are wired to spread it around. This book provides wisdom that allows males to get past the expectations of the culture around us and forge relationships that really work, and aren't based on what we grew up with.
Male-male relationships based on male-female relationships are doomed to fail, in my experience. Read the book and gain greater understanding.
Sometime it seems that the place my partner and I are at is a new found land. None of our friends have been together for the length of time we have and sometimes a little "compare and contrast" is required.
The relationships that are featured in this book are grouped by the time they've been together and the statistics from each group as well as the stories of the couples themselves serve as a real touchstone.
This book is a mandatory addition to every gay couple's library,
They observe, many of the values and practices that are cornerstones of heterosexual relationships are absent in male couples. Indeed, it was startling to find that some of the qualities identified with stability and intimacy between opposite-sex partners can be detrimental to homosexual relationships. As an example, although most gay couples began their relationships with implicit or explicit commitment to sexual exclusivity, only seven couples in this study considered themselves to have been consistently sexually monogamous... Sexual exclusivity is not an ongoing expectation among most male couples." (Pg.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Gay men usually do not have the benefit of looking to their family for advice on negotiating the difficulties of gay relationships. Read morePublished 17 months ago by Graham Wilson
I too knew David (and Drew when he lived). From my 58 years of life, being aware of my gay orientation since 5th grade, I have seen/experienced these stages of gay coupledom. Read morePublished on September 16, 2011 by Twin Cities G