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4.6 out of 5 stars 255 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews


Few people can claim to have increased the public awareness of NPD to such a degree.
Adrian Tampany, Financial Times Weekend Magazine, September 4-5, 2010

Malignant Self-love (is a) ... magnum opus
Yvonne Roberts, Sunday Times, September 16, 2007

"Sam Vaknin is the world s leading expert on narcissism."
Tim Hall, New York Press, Volume 16, Issue 7 - February 12, 2003

"Vaknin s a respected expert on malignant narcissists ... He set about to know everything there is about the psychopathic narcissist."
Ian Walker, ABC Radio National Background Briefing, July 18, 2004 --Financial Times and Sunday Times

Among many books published on the topic of pathological narcissism, this is by far the best. It is highly recommended not only for the general public but also for professional therapists.
(Akira Otani, Ed.D.,ABPH, University of Maryland)

The book penetrates deeply into the narissist's mind and is filled with myriad gripping novel insights.It gives the reader a great insight into the fears, desires, defenses, and motives of the narcissist, as well as those in relationship with the narcissist.
(Alison Poulsen, Ph.D.)

Brilliant, insightful, extremely relevant, not only clinically, but practically, on a day to day basis. This work can be immediately applied and be of assistance to our society at large.
(Dr. Cyndie Spanier, Ph.D., Deputy Director at Pittsburgh Behavioral Medicine, LLC)

Sam is a genius his work most inspiring not only to myself but to my colleagues as well.
(Joan Jutta Lachkar, Ph.D., Affiliate Member of the New Center for Psychoanalysis and Author of: How to Talk to a Narcissist; How to Talk to a Borderline; Narcissistic/Borderline Couples)

"Sam Vaknin's book is THE bible on Narcissism!"
(Mary Jo Fay, author of 'When Your Perfect Partner Goes Perfectly Wrong - Loving or Leaving the Narcissist in Your Life')

"I consider this book to be the compass for Narcissistic Personality Disorder education" (Jen Emmerich, LMSW, ACSW)

"There is no more important work than this one on the subject ... You may very well discover yourself."
(Heyward Bruce Ewart, III, Ph.D., author of 'Am I Bad')

"Read Malignant Self Love so you will understand that you are NOT crazy, you are just embedded in a crazy making relationship."
(Liane J. Leedom, M.D., author of 'Just Like His Father?')

"Vaknin's depth and breadth are unmatched anywhere else and by anyone else. He knows everything there is to know about narcissistic and psychopathic abusers and how to cope with them effectively."
(Yomtov Barak, family therapist)

"I was stimulated just as I was challenged and enlightened."
(Robert L. Mueller, author of 'Bullying Bosses')

"The only source of such vast, serious, elaborated and thorough first-hand information about Narcissism available. Useful for victims as well as therapists."
(Dr. Nili Raam, author)

'Provides the partners, family and friends of NPD sufferers, and the sufferers themselves, with deep insight into the numerous expressions of this devastating and often insidious disorder."
(Esther Veltheim, author of 'Beyond Concepts')

"One powerful healing tool in our therapy with these people is Dr. Vaknin's book. The most accurate portrayal of the 'typical' cult leader we have ever seen."
(Robert Pardon, Director of MeadowHaven)

"A must read for psychologists, social workers, and all individuals who want to learn how to deal with the narcissists in their lives."
(Laurie Anthony, teacher and author)

"Required reading for any codependent - to understand how the other side works."
(Dr. Irene, psychologist and Webmistress of drirene.com)
--University of Maryland and mental health authors

"If you wish to get under the skin of a Narcissist, if you wish to get to know how he thinks and feels and why he behaves as he does, then this is the book for you."
(Dr. Anthony Benis, Mount Sinai Hospital, New York, and author "Towards Self and Sanity - On the Genetic Origins of the Human Character")

"Sam Vaknin is a leading authority on the topic of narcissism."
(Lisa Angelettie M.S.W., former editor of BellaOnline's Mental Health, "What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder")

"I cannot recommend this book enough to those of you who have this disorder, to families and friends who are trying to understand."
(Patty Pheil, MSW, Mental Health Today )

(T)his book is a must read and will give you insight into the emotionally destructive people in your workplace, your family and among your friends.Sam Vaknin clears up the questions, confusion, and effects of dealing with narcissists: the book is well written, informative, and therapeutic.
(Carolyn Reilly, MSW San Jose, Costa Rica)

"...This book has an important purpose. I am sure it will be appreciated in a library, classroom or among the mental health profession."
(Katherine Theriault, Inscriptions Magazine, Vol. 2, Issue 20)

"Now, for the first time, a much-needed first hand account of what Narcissistic Personality Disorder is like. Offers insight and clarity."
(Howard Brown, 4Therapy )

Sam Vaknin's study of narcissism is truly insightful. The author has done probably more than anyone else to educate others to this poorly understood condition. In this, his twelfth book, he shares his considerable knowledge and experience of narcissism in a comprehensive yet easy to read style.

(The late Tim Field, Bully Online )

Sam has plugged all the loopholes, exposed all the plots, and introduced a new language to confront the Narcissist. A 'hands-on' tool that can immediately bring relief. If you want to breathe again, if you are at your wits end, if everything has been tried and failed, if you NEED a change, then Malignant Self Love can give you your life back. This book is a lifesaver!
(Kathy Stringer, ToddlerTime )

--Mental health scholars and webmasters

From the Publisher

Sam Vaknin is the author of Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited and other books about the Narcissistic Personality Disorder and relationships with abusive narcissists and psychopaths.

His books are based on correspondence since 1996 with hundreds of people suffering from the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (narcissists) and with thousands of their family members, friends, therapists, and colleagues.

Sam is not a mental health professional though he is certified in psychological counseling techniques. He served as the editor of Mental Health Disorders categories in the Open Directory Project and on Mentalhelp.net.

Sam was also the editor of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder topic in Suite101, the moderator of the Narcissistic Abuse List and other abusive relationships mailing, support, and discussion groups (with c. 15000 members).

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 720 pages
  • Publisher: Narcissus Publications,Czech Republic; Revised edition (May 1, 2015)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 8023833847
  • ISBN-13: 978-8023833843
  • Product Dimensions: 1 x 5.2 x 7.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (255 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #46,924 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
First of all, let me say that I am a bright, well educated (doctorate) woman of some age. After twenty years of living with a Narcissist (although I did not know this syndrome actually had a diagnostic name), being controlled, manipulated, lied to, deceived, cuckolded and gaslighted, I felt quite confident that

1) something was wrong and it had to be me, since he told me that constantly (WRONG),

2) i couldn't put a finger on it, but nothing ever made sense - i could not validate the experiences in this relationship by comparing it to my family - friends - other experiences with men and

3) no one could ever understand because it was such a bizarre situation.

Let me tell you this, and let it be a ray of hope for all of you interested in this book. Vaknin explains this disorder so very well, and he explains the ramifications of living with it and the repercussions, that you will put this book down and scream, "EUREKA! I FOUND IT!"

Any reviews that slam this book have either their basis in not having lived or dealt with someone with NPD or they are one themselves and are in denial and can't stand for someone to NAIL IT ON THE HEAD.

Read the book. And then run for your life and never look back. Ever. Empowering. Engaging. The absolute truth. From someone who should know - Vaknin. Sam, if your disorder was good for only one thing, it was this - to enable you to write this book for the empowerment of those who have been destroyed by narcissists.

And before I end this, lest you think I am a pessimist - I have great friends (many over a whole life, many over the last twenty years, I have wonderful children who love me, I have a good career, a nice home and a lot of other attributes.
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Format: Paperback
It isn't that often that you know someone who is totally self-consumed and unaware of the needs of others. This person may present himself as a helpful, caring friend, who is overzealous about giving assistance, but subtly manipulates others into thinking he cares. In The Malignant Narcissist, Mr.Vaknin provides the reader a thorough and honest discussion about narcissism, clarifying why most narcissistic relationships don't work.
I read this book on a personal level because of my own experience with a narcissistic individual. He was charming, drawing me in, and knew how to compliment and manipulate me. I soon became aware of his personality and felt his control. Mr.Vaknin's book helped me pinpoint the clues that indicated his narcissistic personality. When I first began researching narcissism, I found that many of my questions were still unanswered. I wanted to know the causes of narcissism, how to deal with a narcissistic person, and the prognosis. Sam Vaknin's book, Malignant Love, not only answered my questions, but also provided me with valuable information that I couldn't find elsewhere. His approach is unique because he is a narcissist, and participates in a thorough examination of himself, confronting his own narcissism, enlightening the reader about the causes and ramifications of narcissism. Sam Vaknin's book is a must read for psychologists, social workers, and all individuals who want to learn how to deal with the narcissists in their lives. The information presented in this book is the most exhaustive resource on the subject of narcissism that I have encountered in my research. If you read The Malignant Narcissist, you will need to go no further in your pursuit of information regarding narcissism.
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Format: Paperback
Did you ever experience a relationship where you knew something just wasn't right but you couldn't put your finger on it? One where you knew what you were going through wasn't normal but you were being told constantly it was. Did you ever have a partner who is incapable of showing real emotion unless of course, it's about him? What about the end of a relationship? Were you ever just "unplugged" so that he could "plug" the new one right into your slot as if you never existed?

Do you find yourself slowly disappearing, your interests and talents pushed aside in favor of trying to meet his needs? Do your successes bring out the worst in him?

Dr. Vaknin gives an in-depth look into the mind of a narcissist. It doesn't matter that it's his own mind he is opening up for viewing. He makes it painfully clear how much alike all narcissists are though they live their lives thinking they're unique. Through the pages of "Malignant Self Love," you will come to know your narcissist intimately, in a way he would never allow on his own. You'll learn why he's the way he is but what is most important, you'll learn why he won't ever change. You'll learn that he recreates reality so that talking to him, seeking closure becomes impossible. You never existed so what is there to talk about? You could have been together two years or 20 and it doesn't make a difference to this personality disordered, soul-less creature.

The most terrifying thing to learn is how completely normal they look and act, at first. It's easy to fall into their trap and getting out is nearly impossible.

A narcissist can't love but he's a great actor. He knows how to suck you in, to pretend to be everything you were looking for. Once he has you, watch out because that's the end of your ride.
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