A while back, my publishing house asked me to update my biography. I wrote two versions. This is the one that DIDN'T make it onto the cover.
"Marie Bostwick was born and raised in the northwest, where, being an overweight and socially awkward child, she collected a whole closetful of imaginary friends that are with her to this day. She graduated from college in 1984 with a bachelors degree in Communications (because it was the only degree that didn't require a statistics course) and a double minor in self-loathing and procrastination. Marie married while she was young and extremely fertile, quickly giving birth to three sons, who are now grown up and don't call nearly as often as they should.
Marie is the published author of a bunch of books. No kidding, a bunch. Like ten. She continues to be amazed by this. So does her high-school English teacher.
When not writing, Marie spends way too much time on Facebook and window shopping for RV's on the internet. Marie loves to quilt. She really, really does. However, her enthusiasm for quilting outstrips her natural talent. This is at least partly because she has the attention span of a gnat and no math skills (see statistics course avoidance above). She is also pretty nearsighted which makes it hard to stitch a consistent quarter-inch seam. After sunset, it's darned near impossible.
Marie likes to garden but is too scattered to give her garden the attention it deserves. The same can be said of her other hobbies -- piano, knitting, guitar, punchneedle embroidery, cooking, and kayaking. (Marie doesn't actually own a kayak but she wants one.) Marie has killed every single houseplant that has ever had the misfortune of coming into her possession. She hasn't balanced her checkbook since the late 80's and can never find her purse, glasses, or car keys.
Fact is, the only thing thing Marie truly knows how to do well is write, so please buy this book, if only to keep her from becoming a burden to society."