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Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough Hardcover – February 4, 2010
The 30 Best Self Help Books
This list reflects books that have saved lives and have sold millions of copies. Learn more on AbeBooks.com
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*Starred Review* Gottlieb, 37, made the decision to become a single parent after years of searching for Mr. Right. Four years later, when she still hadn’t found him, she decided to take a good look at her dating habits—and the dating habits of women around her—to see if the problem is not a dearth of good men but rather women’s expectations of them. Gottlieb finds that women want it all—and often aren’t willing to compromise on their list of traits their ideal mate must have. In their twenties, many women leave good relationships based on an elusive feeling that they could find something more with someone else, and they regret it down the road when their choices dwindle. It’s not that women aren’t willing to settle; it’s that many refuse to recognize that their vision of the perfect man doesn’t match reality. With the help of dating coach Evan Marc Katz, Gottlieb reconsidered her own standards in the hope of finding happiness. Gottlieb’s honest, astute analysis will resonate with many women and make them uneasy as they recognize themselves in her experiences and those of the women she interviews. Gottlieb makes a strong case in this groundbreaking work. --Kristine Huntley
"An unexpected delight. Honest and darkly comic... the truth can be liberating."
-The New York Times
"Marry Him is surprisingly, unnervingly convincing."
-O, The Oprah Magazine
"This is the smartest relationship book I've read in years."
-The Huffington Post
-Gretchen Rubin, New York Times bestselling author of The Happiness Project
-Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., relationship expert at Perfectmatch.com
-Christian Science Monitor
-The New York Observer
"A provocative pop culture treatise... she encourages us to think through our own beliefs and unexamined assumptions."
-The Chicago Tribune
"The buzz surrounding Lori Gottlieb's newest book, Marry Him, is well- deserved... She writes with honesty and hope, and there are many people who will benefit from reading this book."
-Diablo Cody, Academy Award-winning Screenwriter of Juno
"Finally, here's a cautionary tale for anyone wondering why she hasn't found Mr. Right--with a hopeful message about the Mr. Right Nows, the Mr. Close Enoughs, and even the Mr. What the F*#%s."
-Jill Soloway, writer and executive producer for Six Feet Under and Transparent
"Engaging, hilarious, and eye-opening! Marry Him is an encouraging story about finding love by getting real."
-Rachel Greenwald, New York Times bestselling author of Find a Husband After 35
"This is a daring and wise book. Women (and men) should take Gottlieb's message to heart: 'Look for reasons to say yes.' It could change your life."
-Helen Fisher, Ph.D., Rutgers University and author of Why Him? Why Her?
"I have been very happily married for many years, and if my daughters ever ask me for advice about potential spouses, I plan to pass off a lot of what's in this book as my own sage wisdom."
-Kurt Anderson, New York Times bestselling author of Heyday and host of public radio's Studio 360
"Lori Gottlieb's smart, insightful, witty observations gleaned on her own unusual romantic path signal and important new voice in single-girl lit. The Rules turned single women needy, He's Just Not That Into You made them depressed, and Marry Him finally sets them free, preaching that in the long run, 'good enough' might be better than great."
-Amy Sohn, author of Prospect Park West
"By telling you to read Lori Gottlieb's incisive and insightful book, I hope I can make up for all the unrealistic romantic propaganda I had a hand in spreading as a former editor at a glossy women's magazine."
-Megan McCafferty, New York Times bestselling author of the Jessica Darling series
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Top Customer Reviews
Now in my 30's I can say that I have opened my mind up to this philosophy and gained a Fiance as a result. I stumbled upon this book again on last year after a date with a man I swore I would never see again. He was nice and all, but just not my type. We'd met over Facebook, exchanged numbers, and after admiring his cute profile pix and engaging in conversation that I can only describe as somewhat chemical, we decided to meet. As soon as I approached the restaurant door where he was waiting on our date, I just knew that this was something I didn't want. My Fiance is fat with man hips and boobs. That was a no-no! He smiled excessively and ordered corn-on-the-cob that he nervously ate throughout the date. I could also go on about his ripped jeans and beat-up hoodie (that he didn't take off at the table!)I had been "Catfished." I went home thinking, "Well, back to the drawing board."
A couple of days after the date as I was sitting there thinking of some of the things we (He and I) had discussed leading up to the date; I actually started to miss him. That night I began reading "Marry Him: The Case..." What Gottlieb had to say now began to sound crystal clear. For some reason it resonated in a way that it hadn't before. I texted my Guy again and we began conversing and eventually he asked me out on a second date. It wasn't chemistry on that date either; just a deep curiosity. However, as we began to date again and again...and again. I slowly began to fall in love with this man. Now, I don't notice the hips or weight anymore. I just see his beautiful smile and skin, and the amazing way he loves me. I helped him improve his wardrobe and he (by his own undertaking) is on a quest for better health.
What I gathered from Gottlieb is that women will sometimes discredit a man because he doesn't fit into our pre-defined mold of how he should look, talk, or act. We are sold the bill of good on Cinderella and although we'd care not to admit, we struggle with being shallow and presumptuous. I can only say in my case, I never saw myself as wanting a perfect guy, but all the while in the back of my mind that is exactly what I was waiting on. We are all human with HUGE flaws. The quicker we recognize this truth, the quicker we are to embrace what life has to offer. A real relationship is going to be more than being swept off your feet and romanced by a dream, it will be service, understanding, and more importantly compromise. It will have to be about them (and vice-versa) in order to have anything lasting.
I plead with single women of today not to judge or be fearful of the message of this book but instead to embrace the positive and open their hearts. I can say that I have NO regrets. Real love is an amazing feeling that all should have the opportunity to experience.
If you are thinking you need to leave New York City to find a man, you don't. You just have to stop throwing the good ones away.
Thank you, thank you, thank you Lori for writing this book. I swear it might be saving me from being alone in the future regretting all the awesome guys I found flaws with.
Realistic talk and wonderful concepts about giving love and attraction a chance to develop! Sobering facts about women over 35 trying to find marriage, but good advice at how to rectify it... An excellent read.
The last chapter however was kind of phoned in, IMO... And it can be too simplistic at times, doesn't address strategies on what to do when one is only sexually attracted to the top 20 percentile guys, another reason why it's a tough sell for the under 30 crowd... Who funnily enough would probably get the most benefit from this book, while they're still young enough to not make the mistakes in the first place, rather than being in one's forties and doing damage control....