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Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough Hardcover – Bargain Price, February 4, 2010
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*Starred Review* Gottlieb, 37, made the decision to become a single parent after years of searching for Mr. Right. Four years later, when she still hadn’t found him, she decided to take a good look at her dating habits—and the dating habits of women around her—to see if the problem is not a dearth of good men but rather women’s expectations of them. Gottlieb finds that women want it all—and often aren’t willing to compromise on their list of traits their ideal mate must have. In their twenties, many women leave good relationships based on an elusive feeling that they could find something more with someone else, and they regret it down the road when their choices dwindle. It’s not that women aren’t willing to settle; it’s that many refuse to recognize that their vision of the perfect man doesn’t match reality. With the help of dating coach Evan Marc Katz, Gottlieb reconsidered her own standards in the hope of finding happiness. Gottlieb’s honest, astute analysis will resonate with many women and make them uneasy as they recognize themselves in her experiences and those of the women she interviews. Gottlieb makes a strong case in this groundbreaking work. --Kristine Huntley
"Marry Him is a frank and funny read, weaving real people's stories with Gottlieb's own experiences, and containing sharp examinations of how society and culture-everything from When Harry Met Sally to The Bachelor-come into play when modern women look for love."
-The New York Observer
"A provocative pop culture treatise... she encourages us to think through our own beliefs and unexamined assumptions."
-The Chicago Tribune
"A funny cautionary tale of one woman's journey through the modern landscape of dating."
"A well-conceived and convincing argument on how to find a more realistic Mr. Right. If you've ever sought your own Prince Charming, your love life will never be the same again. And that's a good thing."
-Christian Science Monitor
"A sensible plea to discard the toxic fantasy of romantic comedies and think realistically about what makes a solid partnership."
"This impeccably researched tome is mandatory reading."
-The Huffington Post
"Funny and relatable... anything but antiromance."
"This is the smartest relationship book I've read in years."
"The buzz surrounding Lori Gottlieb's newest book, Marry Him, is well- deserved... She writes with honesty and hope, and there are many people who will benefit from reading this book."
"An unexpected delight. Honest and darkly comic... the truth can be liberating."
-The New York Times
"Marry Him is surprisingly, unnervingly convincing."
-O, The Oprah Magazine
"In business, 'good enough' is often 'very good'. So why should we expect-and demand-perfection in dating and marriage?"
"The buzz surrounding Lori Gottlieb's newest book, Marry Him, is well- deserved...She writes with honesty and hope, and there are many people who will benefit from reading this book."
"I wish I could round up every single woman I know and assign this book for discussion. Gottlieb helps women see how our cultural or private fantasies build up so many expectations that they destroy the possibility of real love and, eventually, marriage. Marry Him is a big fat lesson in how not to get in your own way. Any woman who wants to find true love and hasn't been able to should read this book."
-Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., relationship expert at Perfectmatch.com
"What Gottlieb is saying isn't subversive--it's smart. A thoroughly entertaining reality check, it will make single women laugh and squirm, and married people appreciate their spouses even more."
-Diablo Cody, Academy Award-winning Screenwriter of Juno
"Finally, here's a cautionary tale for anyone wondering why she hasn't found Mr. Right--with a hopeful message about the Mr. Right Nows, the Mr. Close Enoughs, and even the Mr. What the F*#%s."
-Jill Soloway, writer and executive producer for Six Feet Under
"Engaging, hilarious, brutally honest and eye-opening! Marry Him is an encouraging story about finding love by getting real."
-Rachel Greenwald, New York Times bestselling author of Find a HUsband After 35
"This is a daring and wise book. Gottlieb tells it like it is: In our modern world of excuses, too many of us have unrealistic expectations about men and love, and even more unrealistic views of ourselves. Women (and men) should take Gottlieb's message to heart: 'Look for reasons to say yes.' It could change your life."
-Helen Fisher, Ph.D., Rutgers University and author of Why Him? Why Her?
"I have been very happily married for many years, and if my daughters ever ask me for advice about potential spouses, I plan to pass off a lot of what's in this book as my own sage wisdom."
-Kurt Anderson, New York Times bestselling author of Heyday and host of public radio's Studio 360
"Marry Him shows women how to find true happiness when seeking love--by giving them a new way to look at the world. Gottlieb manages to be hilarious yet thought-provoking, light-hearted yet profound on the questions of: Why do we fall in love? What qualities really matter in a marriage? For what reasons do we make the decisions that affect our whole lives? Like provocative realationship classics such as The Rules and He's Just Not That Into You, Marry Him will set people talking for years."
-Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project
"Lori Gottlieb's smart, insightful, witty observations gleaned on her own unusual romantic path signal and important new voice in single-girl lit. The Rules turned single women needy, He's Just Not That Into You made them depresed, and Marry Him finally sets them free, preaching that in the long run, 'good enough' might be better than great."
-Amy Sohn, author of Prospect Park West
"Marry Him is a treasure. A must-read on getting the male and female brain together in almost perfect harmony.'
-Louann Brizendine, New York Times bestselling author of The Female Brain and the upcoming The Male Brain
"By telling you to read Lori Gottlieb's incisive and insightful book, I hope I can make up for all the unrealistic romantic propaganda I had a hand in spreading as a former editor at a glossy women's magazine. For anyone who is single but looking, the surprising truths in Marry Him go against just about everything we've been brought up to believe about dating and marriage."
-Megan McCafferty, New York Times bestselling author of the Jessica Darling series
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Realistic talk and wonderful concepts about giving love and attraction a chance to develop! Sobering facts about women over 35 trying to find marriage, but good advice at how to rectify it... An excellent read.
The last chapter however was kind of phoned in, IMO... And it can be too simplistic at times, doesn't address strategies on what to do when one is only sexually attracted to the top 20 percentile guys, another reason why it's a tough sell for the under 30 crowd... Who funnily enough would probably get the most benefit from this book, while they're still young enough to not make the mistakes in the first place, rather than being in one's forties and doing damage control....
After reading some of the negative reviews, let me say this: Gottlieb is not saying that you should settle for someone who makes you unhappy, or who doesn't treat you right or who is abusive. Instead, she urges you to redefine what you think makes for a good lifelong partner-- and instead of searching for someone who you've dreamed up in your head, look honestly and the men you date and search for someone who actually will make you happy in love. If you're at all curious, just read it. Read it with an open mind and actually do some self reflection. In my opinion, this book hits the nail on the head when it comes to modern dating and expectations.
Thank you, thank you, thank you Lori for writing this book. I swear it might be saving me from being alone in the future regretting all the awesome guys I found flaws with.
The only other similar book that I can think of that I enjoyed reading as much and found it to be as useful is "Have Him at Hello".