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Mars and Venus in the Bedroom: A Guide to Lasting Romance and Passion Mass Market Paperback – September 4, 2001

4.0 out of 5 stars 151 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Gray follows up his bestseller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus with this sex manual for the 1990s. Using the same "advanced" techniques presented in his earlier book, now transferred to the bedroom, he advises partners how to achieve sexual satisfaction without frustrating each other, how to rekindle and maintain sexual passion without resorting to affairs, how to talk about sexual needs without turning each other off and much more. For those in a rush to the bedroom, virtually every paragraph is recapitulated in boldface one-liners. Although some of the material is old news (women require more foreplay and affection than men), much is cutting-edge. For example, women don't always desire orgasm, and therefore "quickies" can be enjoyable for both parties. But sorely lacking here is a discussion of safe sex in the age of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases. And despite the title, Gray here compares men to the sun and women to the moon rather than to Earth's planetary neighbors. $250,000 ad/promo; 500,000 first printing.
Copyright 1995 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal

The author of the blockbuster Men Are From Mars, Women Are from Venus, Gray here attempts to explain how couples can have great sex and keep romance alive in a long-term, monogamous relationship. There is not much left to the imagination as Gray explains exactly what men and women should say and not say, what they should do, touch, lick, and more. As in his earlier books, Gray's metaphors lack grace, and his writing is far from polished. If you can see past his silly language, however, much of his advice is quite good. Although the explicitness of his sexual descriptions may bother some, and his poor writing skills may bother others, Gray's book is a reasonable and useful title. And given his huge popularity, public libraries should have this on their shelves when he starts appearing on the talk shows. [With 2.6 million hardcovers of Gray's Men Are from Mars... in print, HarperCollins will release a Spanish-language edition of that book under their HarperLibros line this month.-Ed.]-Elizabeth Caulfield Felt, Washington State Univ., Pullma.
--Elizabeth Caulfield Felt, Washington State Univ., Pullman
Copyright 1995 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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Product Details

  • Mass Market Paperback: 400 pages
  • Publisher: HarperTorch (September 4, 2001)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0061015717
  • ISBN-13: 978-0061015717
  • Product Dimensions: 4.2 x 1 x 6.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (151 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #807,493 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

By Janet Boyer HALL OF FAME on January 21, 2004
Format: Paperback
Sex is a subject that is not often talked about among couples. Unfortunately, it is also an area that accounts for a large chunk of divorces. Women expect men to be mind-readers, intuitively knowing just what to do to bring them pleasure. Men assume that they should know what to do already, as if males are born as sex experts. (Not!) What often results is great expectations met with disppointment, and thwarted, hit-and-miss attempts at intimacy and sexual fulfillment.
With this book by Dr. John Gray, sex doesn't have to be a frustrating and hurtful guessing game. Gray explores areas such as sexual versus emotional fulfillment, taking responsibility for your own pleasure, how to increase desire and rekindle passion, a women's need to relax, the joy of quickies, passionate monogamy, and home-cooked sex versus gourmet sex. Both men and women are given maps into the murky terrain of the other's attitudes and expectations about sex, which will no doubt result in a sigh of relief by many. At last, someone understands! While providing accurate maps, though, Gray acknowledges that every person (especially women!) are unique, and as such, have unique desires, likes, and dislikes.
When discussing giving a man positive direction, Gray points out that some women do not realize a man's sensivitity in this area. Men want to please their women, so certain comments can feel like rejection to a man, which will bring an instant chill to intimacy. Here are 10 sexual turnoffs outlined by Gray:
1. "You're not doing it right."
2. "I don't like that."
3. "Ouch! That hurts!"
4. "Don't touch me like that."
5. "That tickles."
6. "Not like that."
7. "Not yet."
8. "Not there."
9. "I'm not ready."
10. "What are you doing?
Read more ›
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Format: Paperback
I've been married to the same person for 28 years and always thought our sex life was great, but when we read this book (yes, we both read it) we realised how much we still didn't know, hadn't tried, and hadn't communicated about. This book has enhanced an already great relationship - just think what it could do for one in trouble! This is written plainly, interestingly, and is very accurate - from both the woman's and the man's point of view. There were a couple of things that seemed corny to me, but may not seem that way to someone who is 20 years younger than me (I'm 48). Buy this book! I guarantee you will get at least one insight into sex that will help your love life, no matter how wise you think you already are!
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By A Customer on February 25, 2004
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I got it,
and it has lots of great advice! I would recommend that it be read with a lard chunk of salt (in some sections).
A couple of things made me LMAO and I had to share.
1. He devotes 1 1/2 pages in telling a man how to deliver oral sex to a woman. And not very well either. He mentions the G-spot, but basically says "It would create preformance anxiety in the man if he kept trying to find it---so he won't get too technical" so he leaves it at that.
Excuse me! I nearly dropped the book at this point (like, he could have devoted 10 pages to that alone).
2. HOWEVER, he devotes 5 plus pages!!! on giving oral to a guy! Going into extreme, intricate detail of every millimeter of area to be covered.
In reading this, there is no doubt about Dr. Gray's gender.
His justification? Men like it better than women (erm, excuse me?! Was I asked???)
3. He does this lingerie=mood chart that had me falling out of bed "If she is wearing black lace, it means she is in this kinda mood, if she is wearing white, it means she feels virginal, if she is in pink, it means she feels romantic."
Again, WHAT? How about I look pretty dang good in black lack, the pink doesn't scratch and the white doesn't ride up. Maybe he is color blind.
4. Oy, and don't get me started in the section about Quickies (I do agree to some point, but the reciprocal part isn't fair, balanced). Cuddles for a quickie? Where did he find these people! It came off as extremely cold blooded, with the woman lying there like a log being perfectly OK to the hubby (argh!) That alone would be a 'he needed a killin'' defense in a murder trial.
All that aside, it does have some helpful pointers. Buy the book used....and cheap.
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Format: Paperback
This book was extremely helpful, I believe more so for men than from women. Men are often confused as to what a woman wants in a relationship, especially when it comes to sex, and as a result, the majority of men turn out be very poor lovers. This book is a godsend - it tells men exactly some of the things theyre doing wrong, what a woman really means when she says something, and says things that women have tried to say to men but are unable to articulate it well or are too embarrassed to express it. I dont necessarily agree with it 100 percent, nobody should, and it wont help heal every sexual dysfunction a person may have, but, for the average person, this book is great.
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I have long been a fan of John Gray's paradigm of two separate, equal, but very different species--who misunderstand each other endlessly as they try to bond/coexist. I was surprised, however, at how much I learned from this book, since I have studied sexuality many times (in my Bachelors of Science in Psychology, in medical school, and again in my Family Practice residency.) I was also chagrined to see my own misinterpretations exposed and corrected. The one nugget of insight that stands out for me is: "Why do women generally not wish to guide a man during lovemaking." We men start out in life with few clues how to be a lover--and we're more interested in our own pleasure anyway. But women expect we men to know how to pleasure them; plus women need to lie back and relax in order to arouse to orgasm. If they stop to give directions, then they must arise out of this relaxation--which breaks their mood of enjoyment. Thus we men would do better to seek women's instruction between love-making episodes. If you are interested in correcting your own myths about the opposite gender--buy this book.
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