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Mars and Venus on a Date: A Guide for Navigating the 5 Stages of Dating to Create a Loving & Lasting Relationship Hardcover – June 11, 1997

4.2 out of 5 stars 280 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

The latest tentacle of John Gray's formidable Mars and Venus octopus deals with a topic near to the heart of almost everybody--dating. With a lot of insight and common sense, Gray tackles the hard and often messy business of finding "a soul mate." Without fear or favor, Mars and Venus on a Date dissects the dynamics between men and women and the five stages each relationship must pass through: attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy, and, finally, engagement (for marriage, of course). Even though Mars and Venus on a Date isn't The Rules by a long shot, the courtship it describes is surprisingly old-fashioned. It's chock-full of things your mother might say: "Most people find or are found by their soul mates when they are not really looking." "The man should never talk more than the woman." But how to know if the person you're with is your "soul mate?" Gray writes, "When our soul wants to marry our partner, it feels like a promise that we came into this world to keep." Which translates into, "When you know, you know."

From Library Journal

You're from another planet if you don't know who wrote this singles dating guide.
Copyright 1997 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 400 pages
  • Publisher: Harper; 1 edition (June 11, 1997)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0060174722
  • ISBN-13: 978-0060174729
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 1.2 x 8.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (280 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #64,329 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I'm a 50 something divorced guy, I'd never given thought to "stages of dating". I knew I felt different things as a relationship progressed, but had never been tried to pinpoint just what it all was about.

John Gray's 5 stages; attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity etc. and the need to do `em in order was spot on. It helped me label the emotions I feel and recognize when I'm letting my sweet daydreams intrude on reality in a new relationship.

The section on "elasticity" was also revealing. You know how a guy goes hot & cold on a relationship? JG explains that it's a process guys do to test their feelings for someone. We get close, then get unsure if she's the one, so we pull back. The revealing thing for guys is to figure out, after we've pulled back, are we happier with or without her, and then act on that feeling.

Those two thoughts alone are worth the price.
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Format: Paperback
The book describes the five stages of courtship: attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy, engagement. Although different people have called these stages different things, the second stage is the one that is unique to this book. When a couple begins dating, there is inevitably a period of uncertainty. Even if someone expresses his undying love on Friday night (and really means it), he can change his mind by Saturday morning. This period of uncertainty can really throw the other person off. "How can he possibly not love me today, when he loved me yesterday? What happened? What changed?"
As a dating expert, I know first-hand that people are most confused by this period of uncertainty. And John Gray uncovers another gem-much uncertainty is caused by rushing intimacy. Once you understand this concept that, your next relationship will have a much greater chance of success if you follow the five stages of courtship in the order they were intended.
This book is more like reading Shakespeare than flipping through the pages of Cosmopolitan. John Gray's writing style reflects the fact that he spent many years in school, writing thesis after thesis. Although it may be more fun to watch Sex and the City, reading this book will be a lot cheaper than reclining on a therapist's couch. Plus, you'll be one step closer to a lasting relationship.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I don't normally write reviews but I had to express how much this book changed my life. I have dated wonderful people and am currently with a wonderful man now in a great relationship and we have these seemingly little problems that seem to cause great stress. They don't seem like deal breakers but we are unable to move forward into the 5th stage of engagement.

My partner and I believed these differences to be personality or character differences and were starting to feel like we really weren't meant to be together but it was so conflicting with how much we loved each other, were compatible with each other, and the fact that we had all 4 chemistries together and felt like soul mates.

Then I read this book and EVERY, and I do mean every, single problem we had been struggling with was written right there, in black and white, verbatim some of the things we've said to each other. And I began to learn that our differences were not personality or character differences at all, but gender differences. Now, armed with the understanding that these gender differences are universal, we no longer need to take these issues personally. It's so true that when men & women misunderstand each other, misinterpret each other's actions, & miscommunicate their feelings, they are unable to successfully nurture each other & get what they need. The result is resentment. When resentment builds, our different interests become more extreme. We begin to polarize.

My boyfriend and I are both really honest with each other but like John Gray says, "no matter how sincere you are, if your partner is misinterpreting your innocent & automatic reactions and responses, your attempts to create a relationship may be unsuccessful.
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Format: Mass Market Paperback
When I've read the famous/infamous 'The rules' I was in doubt; but when I've read 'Mars and Venus on a Date' I was convinced... The controversial 'The rules' uses time old and wise observations (even though they are oversimplified and sound manipulative), but this book takes those 'truths' and explains them from the point of view of human psychology. I understand why feminists might hate this book and why they might think it takes us (females) back a hundred years -- (if you happen to be one - the book might be that proverbial red cloth for a bull). The bottom line is -- we (as in males, females, species etc.) are created particular way... information written in our genes, many hundreds of thousands years ago, necessary for the survival of the species, regardless whether we are nice guys/girls or jerks and 'game players'. Men and women act and feel and are motivated by certain things, and not because we are mean or manipulative. I've scanned quite a few books on the subject of dating and interpersonal psychology and this book is an eye opener for those of us who can't figure out whether we should be our authentic selves in every situations or whether there is a necessity to follow some sort of rules or guidelines for successful dating. (I compare it to polite and acceptable rules of, say, behaving at a dinner table). Buy it and read it!! (it's about a buck on half.com) and even if you disagree, you will benefit from this alternative and precious knowledge!!
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