- Hardcover: 286 pages
- Publisher: Harper; 1st edition (April 23, 1993)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 006016848X
- ISBN-13: 978-0060168483
- Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 1 x 8.2 inches
- Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
- Average Customer Review: 1,376 customer reviews
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #56,624 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships Hardcover – April 23, 1993
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From Publishers Weekly
Psychotherapist Gray ( What You Feel You Can Heal ) adds to the growing number of self-help books that assess marital and relationship problems in terms of distinct and pervasive gender differences. Unfortunately, his overuse of gimmicky, often silly analogies and metaphors makes his otherwise down-to-earth guide hard to take seriously. Here Martians (men) play Mr. Fix-It while Venusians (women) run the Home-Improvement Committee; when upset, Martians "go to their caves" (to sort things out alone) while Venusians "go to the well" (for emotional cleansing). While graphically illustrative, the hyperbolic, overextended comparisons, particularly in the chapters that refer to men as rubber bands and women as waves, significantly detract from Gray's realistic insights.
Copyright 1992 Reed Business Information, Inc.
From Library Journal
Couples counselor Gray addresses the topic of male-female relationships with humor, insight, and understanding. Author of What You Feel , You Can Heal (Heart Pub., 1989), he offers practical advice on understanding the opposite sex and achieving satisfactory relationships. He argues that we must accept the fact that men and women have different values, communication styles, and intimate needs, then offers practical tips on avoiding painful arguments, asking for support, and communicating during difficult times. His "Venusian/Martian" phrase dictionary lists statements made by men and women and the ways in which they are often misinterpreted. Written in a light tone that keeps the reader's interest, this is a very helpful source for couples trying to keep love alive. Recommended for self-help and therapy collections.
- Demetria A. Harvin, "Hospital Medicine," New York
Copyright 1992 Reed Business Information, Inc.
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A friend and I were talking and this book came up. She seemed shocked I had never read it. I'm a huge fan of expanding my knowledge in any way, plus, I'm married! So I decided to give it a whirl.
This book would likely only be useful in the 50's, when women belonged at home, cooking, cleaning and taking care of babies...and were meant to be fully submissive to their husbands. If you want to believe that men and women are equals, this book is NOT for you. I am by no means a feminist, that whole movement these days is just obnoxious, but holy moly this book is sexist! Words cannot express how awful this book is, but I will give it a try for the purpose of enlightenment.
The main bullet point of this book is that women need to walk on eggshells and tip toe around their men, for fear of upsetting them in some way. I'm a big reader of non-fiction/self-help type books. I love knowledge. I am also a big under-liner in books. I underlined one sentence that was somewhat intelligent. the rest of the time I just asterisked with LOL or OMG next to it! Let me find a few excerpts for y'all!
(Side note, I buy a ton of books, so I buy them all used on Amazon. It seems whoever read it before me didn't even get as far as I did before realizing how awful it was. Highlighting the first few dozen pages, then nothing.)
Ok, here is some of a list of things not to say to your husband, because it will upset him . (Or, as stated in the booked verbatim, "...ways a woman may unknowingly annoy a man...")
"There's a parking spot over there."
~If this annoys your husband, you have a ridiculous brat for a husband. Seriously?!
"You should spend more time with the kids; they miss you!"
~I can see that this could possibly bug some guys, but it should more be bugging them that THEY have put themselves in a position for someone to tell them that their kids miss them.
"Oh, you forgot to bring it home again? Maybe you could put it in a special place so you will remember it."
~Again, if your 'man' gets upset at you for saying this, you don't have a man; you have a whiney baby.
"Without an understanding of how they are turning men off with unsolicited advice, many women feel powerless to get what they need from a man. [...]
"[...] What if his table manners are atrocious or he dresses really badly? What if he's a really good guy but has a habit of behaving in a way that makes him look like a jerk?[...]"
"The answer is, she should definitely not offer advice unless he asks."
~Ha! OMG! So a man could be completely oblivious and is actually embarrassing himself, but instead of letting him know, you don't want to annoy him so you continue letting him make an arse of himself?!
Then, in that situation the book gives the following advice...
"She should say to him "There is something I want to talk about, but I don't know how to say it. I don't want to offend you. Would you listen and then suggest a better way that I could say it?"
~Right?! I'm not even making that up!!!! I mean, I know I have a ridiculously amazing husband, but come on. I seriously feel sorry for anyone who is in a relationship that this book would be helpful to.
"To withhold correcting a man is a way to nurture him. Giving advice is only helpful if he asks for it."
~If he doesn't know he is doing something wrong, how could he possibly know to ask for advice?!
"When a man becomes quiet he is saying "I need some time to think... I will be back. ", but he doesn't realize that a woman hears "I don't love you, I can't stand to listen to you, I am leaving and I am never coming back!"
~If you are a woman or your woman has ever thought this way......you/she needs some serious mental health help...STAT!
"Women don't think of giving appreciation, because they assume a man knows how appreciated they are."
~Say what?! I tell my husband thank you every time he cuts the grass. I tell him I appreciate him calling the mechanic so I don't have to. I tell him that I am grateful that he ran out to get something from the store that I may have forgotten to buy. In fact, I'd say the opposite is likely true, MEN often don't verbalize appreciation, even if they do appreciate.
Good grief this book is AWFUL! I quit just past page 100. It was pure torture to read this. PLEASE do yourself and your marriage a favor, and DON'T read this.
Men Need: Trust, Acceptance, Admiration, Appreciation, Approval, and Encouragement.
Women Need: Caring, Understanding, Respect, Devotion, Validation and Re-Assurance.
Without an awareness of what is impotence to the other sex men and women don't know or realize how much they maybe hurting or depriving their partners.
If your having difficulties understanding why your partner behaves a certain way, this book will provide you with better insight and help you to process why women and men act certain ways hence the title book name "Men are from MARS and Women are from Venus. By far, it's the BEST self-improvement book for couples. All I HAVE TO SAY IS BUY IT!!!!
To be frank, this book goes on for 321 pages, but it could have said what it said in 160 pages. I believe that the EXCESSIVE repetition was deliberate in order to underscore the point enough times to make the reader remember it.
In essence, the author said that men and women are two different things and therefore communicate in different ways. Each sex will try to relate to another sex in the way that would make senses to him/ her.
And that's the beginning of all problems.
Men seem to see life as a series of finite tasks to be quantified and brought to completion with a minimum of talking.
Women seem to see life as a series of emotional experiences that don't necessarily have relative values. Getting a woman a $100,000 house does not count 100,000 times more than buying her a $1 flower.
If the author wanted to use 321 pages, he could have also done a bit of evolutionary/ developmental biology to explain the genesis of these differences. Maybe the author was not trained in this and left it out. Maybe he thought that he would lose his audience if he got into that. Either way, I could have used a bit of discussion about that.
Verdict: Recommended for all men who are both over 18 years old AND interested in women.