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Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships Hardcover – April 23, 1993

by John Gray (Author)

1,555 customer reviews

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The most well-know, long-lived, and tried-and-tested relationships guide ever: the phenomenal #1 New York Times bestseller Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus . In this classic guide to understanding the opposite sex, Dr. John Gray provides a practical and proven way for men and women to improve their communication by acknowledging the differences between their needs, desires, and behaviors. No other relationship guide on the market will give you the same level of evidence-based insight sure to help you strengthen and nurture your relationships for years to come.

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships

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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Relationship counselor John Gray focuses on the differences between men and women--men are from Mars, and women are from Venus, after all--and offers a simple solution: couples must acknowledge and accept these differences before they can develop happier relationships. In this unabridged version, Gray gives a spirited delivery of his message, especially when role-playing typical male/female interactions. Although it takes some time to adjust to his slightly nasal tone, the information is sound and gives both men and women helpful hints on improving themselves and their union. (Running time: 9.5 hours, 6 cassettes) --Sharon Griggins --This text refers to the Paperback edition.

From Publishers Weekly

Psychotherapist Gray ( What You Feel You Can Heal ) adds to the growing number of self-help books that assess marital and relationship problems in terms of distinct and pervasive gender differences. Unfortunately, his overuse of gimmicky, often silly analogies and metaphors makes his otherwise down-to-earth guide hard to take seriously. Here Martians (men) play Mr. Fix-It while Venusians (women) run the Home-Improvement Committee; when upset, Martians "go to their caves" (to sort things out alone) while Venusians "go to the well" (for emotional cleansing). While graphically illustrative, the hyperbolic, overextended comparisons, particularly in the chapters that refer to men as rubber bands and women as waves, significantly detract from Gray's realistic insights.
Copyright 1992 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product details

Hardcover: 286 pages
Publisher: Harper; 1st edition (April 23, 1993)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 006016848X
ISBN-13: 978-0060168483
Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 1 x 8.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 1,555 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #60,711 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #438 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Marriage & Adult Relationships
- #443 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships > Love & Romance
- #506 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships > Interpersonal Relations

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Take what works, leave the rest

ByHannahon January 1, 2017

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

I've mixed feelings on this book. On one hand, it articulates a good framework for the gender generalities that I've observed and for the most part, the author takes care not to paint with a broad brush. In fact, his intro takes care to acknowledge individual differences within that gender spectrum. He also provides a lot of good strategies for peacemaking and reconciliation as well, like the Love Letters. I especially liked the ending chapter on the seasons of love-- it matches what I've seen in long-term relationships.

On the other hand, I definitely felt that much of his advice was very heavily slanted in the man's favor, at significant risk of turning the woman into a doormat. For example, when a man withdraws, the author advises the woman to basically just accept it if the man doesn't want to come out and provide the needed or requested support. This ranges from simple requests like "could you take out the trash" to rather necessary errands: "could you take me to the shop to pick up my car so I can go to work" or "could you pick up our kid from school" (taking examples from the book). If someone resisted doing those last two things, especially on a regular basis, I would seriously question his/her priorities, as well as their suitability as a partner and parent.

I would also regard an unwillingness to provide emotional support as a yellow flag, especially if the onus for emotional maintenance falls on one party-- in this book's case, it's usually the woman. Is the man upset? The woman has to give him space and be caring and accepting, no matter how he responds. Is the woman upset? She has to figure out why she's upset, tell the man she's upset, then sit back and... basically leave the rest up to him. If he becomes caring and accepting in turn, great. If he's still distant, then the onus falls back on her to do more work. In other words, many, if not most, of the author's proposed sacrifices seem to fall on the woman to bear, because men are the way they are (i.e., from Mars). I can't really think of a section in which he says, "men, if a woman responds this way, just accept it-- that's how women are."

Overall, I'd keep and re-read the book for its insights, but it's very much picking out what works and glossing over the rest.

44 comments 54 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNo

Exactly what I needed, look no further!! Everything you need is inside this book!!!!

ByAlicia Conleyon June 5, 2017

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

This was such a relief to read! I simply understood everything in this book! I definitely can relate and there was many "Ah-Ha" moments of realizing where I need to improve myself to be the best Me I can be. I can apply all these techniques in every relationship I have whether it's with my spouse, parents, children, co-workers etc etc. hands down this IS THE BEST book ever! A realistic book! This will definitely be given out as wedding gifts for sure!!! I'm so thankful to finally be able to understand myself and the opposite sex! Don't hesitate this is a MUST have immediately!!!! Excellent life tools right here in this book!! I laughed, I cried in relief, I became angry at my selfish unconscious ways but I was also happy while reading this book!

0Comment 2 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNo

Great book. After all these years is still relevant ...

ByBookwormon June 29, 2016

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

Great book. After all these years is still relevant and it's true that your parents did not teach you this nor did they practice this kind of communication. Which is why that althought they also loved each other they also fought alot. Read it! It works! It's also true that if one person in the relationship changes..... the other will follow automatically. Seeing is believing!!

0Comment 3 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNo

Amazing, only wish I had read this earlier in life.

ByJon Non July 10, 2016

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

After recently going through a painful breakup I picked up this book on a whim this morning to try and understand better the things my ex expressed about our relationship and how it went wrong. I've been unable to put it down and have a feeling it will consume me for the next few days. If we both had read this early on I think things would be quite different today. The examples cited through out struck close to home... it's all about understanding the mind of the opposite sex and how to communicate with them in the correct way, which may seem foreign to you at first. Totally floored... I took a chance with the Kindle sample, but half expected self help fluff that might just make me feel a bit better and teach little, but this goes so much deeper!

0Comment 21 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNo

There is a way to gain understanding of the opposite sex!

ByMLivelyon January 24, 2016

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

A continuous read for life. Through the ups and downs in a relationship, as a couple, we reconnect and enjoy reviewing the various topics as we strive to maintain our happy bond. We have made it our project for our quarterly get away to read together the topic we each feel we need to strengthen. Over the years and through the different mediums I have obtained this book at least 4 times. I still have a hard copy, as well as my digital copies. I have also purchased this book for friends who have raved over its success for them as a couple.

0Comment One person found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNo

I Recommend This Book to Everyone

ByJosephSon January 18, 2016

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

I read this book after it was recommended to me by my mother. It's engaging, interesting and the knowledge contained in this book is very well articulated and thought out. I recommend this book to every person, even those who are not dating or in any form of a relationship, as the facts contained in this book are useful for every relationship (even those of the same gender!).

0Comment 2 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNo

A great understanding of communication between men and women

ByMarc Whiteon December 9, 2015

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

This was the best book I read on relationships. It is very eye opening. As a divorced guy, I had plenty of trouble communicating with my exwife. This book wouldn't have saved my marriage, it was doomed from the start. But my exwife and I could've understood we were wrong for each other faster. If I remarry, a prerequisite will be for both of us to rad this book together.

0Comment 2 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNo

Get ready for a shift in perspective

ByMeganon July 19, 2014

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

This book opened my eyeballs to lots of things. While I was reading it, I honestly thought, "The author is sexist and can't possibly help me and my partner because we are modern and above all this conflict." Then I got married and grew up a little bit and was grateful for how much of the book I was able to call to mind, because boy did some of that information come in handy. I'm not saying that all of the descriptions of male and female behaviors in this book apply to everyone, but if you are a male or female person, you could probably benefit from reading this book.

0Comment 3 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?YesNo

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Most recent customer reviews

Great book!

So far I've only read 3 chapters & it has already made me realize so much about my marriage! Definitely recommend all couples to read this book :)

Published 1 day ago by Janet Gutierrez

Five Stars

love

Published 1 day ago by Dev

Doubtful

The author showed too simplistic approach to human relations. Men avoid relations by hiding in "caves," women need to be understood. Period.Read more

Published 2 days ago by RedShell

Two Stars

The book was already used

Published 4 days ago by Meslin

recomended

excellent book good incite into marriage relationships tho not geared for singles.

Published 6 days ago by Emma Hart

Made fun of the idea of this book, boy was I wrong.

That the book generalizes things between men and women. That said, it really hits the mark in some areas Kama especially for men.Read more

Published 6 days ago by K. B. Davis

Read this to learn about men, but I am learning about women (my own kind) too

Awesome book! Must read! I learned so much. In the first 2 chapters, I found out I was doing it all wrong. I am a woman, and I learned about women and men.

Published 7 days ago by crystallize

A good investment.

This book lives up to its reputation. Capable of saving a relationship. A good investment.

Published 8 days ago by Robert and Cynthia

Five Stars

Great book!

Published 10 days ago by Nick Walton

Excellent guidance for any and all relationships, not just romantic.

I appreciate the reality of his concepts here now that I have had more experience of life with men. I appreciate the practical applications of how-to approaches for both sexes...Read more

Published 13 days ago by Michelle J

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