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The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship: A Toltec Wisdom Book Paperback – Big Book, March 30, 1999

4.8 4.8 out of 5 stars 16,135 ratings

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In The Mastery of Love, don Miguel Ruiz illuminates the fear-based beliefs and assumptions that undermine love and lead to suffering and drama in our relationships. Using insightful stories to bring his message to life, Ruiz shows us how to heal our emotional wounds, recover the freedom and joy that are our birthright, and restore the spirit of playfulness that is vital to loving relationships.

The Mastery of Love includes:

• Why "domestication" and the "image of perfection" lead to self-rejection
• The war of control that slowly destroys most relationships
• Why we hunt for love in others, and how to capture the love inside us
• How to finally accept and forgive ourselves and others

"Happiness can only come from inside of you and is the result of your love. When you are aware that no one else can make you happy, and that happiness is the result of your love, this becomes the greatest mastery of the Toltec: the Mastery of Love." — don Miguel Ruiz

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Customer reviews

4.8 out of 5 stars
16,135 global ratings

Customers say

Customers find the book great and easy to read. They say it gives them different insights on life and love. Readers also describe the messages as powerful and transformative. Opinions are mixed on the story telling, with some finding it nice and insightful, while others say it's repetitive.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

684 customers mention "Readability"642 positive42 negative

Customers find the book great, easy to read, and beautifully written. They also appreciate the earthy prose and powerful truths in every chapter.

"...When I read it the first time I remember loving it, it was brilliant and while I didn't feel like I agreed with everything in it, a lot of what was..." Read more

"Amazing book. This actually helped with my grieving of a relationship. It also shed light on relationships that I should not have had." Read more

"...There was also a gouge on the back cover. The inside does look new, hence the four stars. But disappointed…" Read more

"Same good quality reading material as The Four Agreements." Read more

531 customers mention "Enlightenedness"520 positive11 negative

Customers find the book enlightening and eye-opening. They say it's filled with wisdom, love, and realistic examples of deep understanding. Readers also mention the messages are powerful and transformative. In addition, they enjoy the self-love aspect and fresh insight into romantic relationships.

"This book has a lot of good information in it, and while I think it's information that we all know deep down, sometimes you need someone to plainly..." Read more

"This book had some life changing insight but I wouldn’t count this as a relationship book...." Read more

"Love the prayers at the end 😭An eye opening about love and how to give love and live like it’s the last day..." Read more

"Amazing book. This actually helped with my grieving of a relationship. It also shed light on relationships that I should not have had." Read more

23 customers mention "Value for money"23 positive0 negative

Customers find the book worth the money, saying it's a good buy and not a waste of time or money.

"...WELL worth it. My favorite by Mr. Ruiz thus far." Read more

"...Buy this book it is not waste of your time nor money!!" Read more

"...This book is price as it gives those who seek truth tools to find it within themselves because it was there all alonb." Read more

"...After reading, I went and bought three titles from him. This is worth the buy" Read more

14 customers mention "Enjoyment"14 positive0 negative

Customers find the book refreshing, engaging, and thought-provoking. They say it's an upbeat, positive book that provides a good way to handle life. Readers also mention the author is brilliant, loving, and full of knowledge.

"...the Greatest Sacred Truths of all (any) culture and expresses in an engaging, experience -based, earthy prose that is all the more impactful for its..." Read more

"...Love is respect, responsible, kind and generous...." Read more

"...It’s short & sweet. Filled with some really nice story telling. I got through the book rather fast. It was so easy to read!" Read more

"Fun and easy read. Helps to show a path and how we should live our life as well as how we should raise our children." Read more

53 customers mention "Story telling"30 positive23 negative

Customers have mixed opinions about the story telling. Some mention it's nice, insightful, and relatable. Others say it's repetitive and redundant.

"...Sacred Truths of all (any) culture and expresses in an engaging, experience -based, earthy prose that is all the more impactful for its..." Read more

"...the author’s philosophy is mostly sound, but I feel he forgets that life is complicated...." Read more

"...Timeless." Read more

"...Minus one star on account of repetitions and redundancy in some parts and stories...." Read more

Become the master of love
5 out of 5 stars
Become the master of love
This book changed my life. Everyone needs to read this book. Enough said.
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Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on February 25, 2009
This book has a lot of good information in it, and while I think it's information that we all know deep down, sometimes you need someone to plainly say it (or write it) to remind you. At least that is how it was in my case.

When I read it the first time I remember loving it, it was brilliant and while I didn't feel like I agreed with everything in it, a lot of what was taught in it shaped some of my views on love. At the time, I hadn't had much experience in relationships, in fact I think it was pretty recent after the end of my very first relationship. However, a lot of what was in this book really stuck with me, so just before Yule this year I took the time to run to the store and pick up two copies of it. One for my boyfriend (as a gift) and one for myself to read again. Really, I'm glad that I did.

Reading it this time, I feel like I agreed with a lot more of what he said, and that I soaked more of it in. It didn't do much to change how I feel about relationships or love, because they were pretty similar to begin with. It did reaffirm them for me though, and put into words a lot of how I felt. Enough that when I finished reading it I had the urge to pass it along, so that a certain friend of mine could take the time and read it, in hopes that it would reaffirm things for him. Especially the most important things that deal with self love, self destruction, the "Parasite" inside of us all, and how the way others act should not affect us and vice versa. It really opened my eyes, and I feel like sharing the knowledge I feel I've gained from it. I'll probably buy it again in a few months.

This book really speaks towards the way society can implant negative thoughts on us, and how we can be raised to believe them. We are all born innocent and full of love, and somewhere along the way we learn how to be distrustful, and how to be hurt, and to be hurtful in return. Our parents learned this while they grew, and they (along with the rest of society) then teach it to us as we grow up, and the cycle continues ever onward. Personally, I would hope that I have the strength to stop that cycle, and leave my children full of love and respect.

Another thing it tells us, is the story of "The Man Who Didn't Believe in Love", which is now one of my favorite legends. It tells of a man who went around giving lectures on the non-existence of love, because so many people use it to manipulate each other. He says "love is like a drug" because in each relationship you have the "dealer" of the "drug" and the person who is addicted and keeps coming back for more. The stronger partner deals out the love, and the weaker tries to soak up as much of it as they can, and they take any abuse the dealer gives out too, because they think they need it so badly and that they can't get it anywhere else. He vows that he does not believe in love, because he has had many such experiences and refuses to let anyone manipulate him with this false emotion.

So this man is walking through the park one day and he comes across a woman who is sitting in the grass crying. He stops to console her, and asks her why she is crying, and she replies "I am crying because love does not exist." The man is astounded, because he has finally found a woman who feels the same way he does. He talks to her, they develop a friendship, and soon they are spending all their time together. They never fight, and they never expect anything from each other, they have the perfect bond. One day when the man is away, he is contemplating his relationship with the woman. He realizes that what he feels for her must actually be love, and that he had been wrong all along. Love does exist, and it is much more pure and beautiful than anything he'd ever experienced. The man is so excited that he rushes home immediately to tell her how he feels about her. She, in turn, replies that she has felt this way for quite some time and has been afraid to tell him because of his disbelief in the emotion.

The legend then tells that the man is so happy, that he goes outside and sends his happiness into the universe. His happiness is so large that it pulls a star down into his hands and he hurries to give it to the woman. The happiness is so overwhelming, that for a moment the woman hesitates, and in that moment of doubt she drops it and it shatters. Now there is a man who is wandering the Universe, broken and lonely because he once again believes that love does not exist. There is also a woman who sits at home waiting for the man who once loved her, feeling remorse for that one moment of doubt that ruined their relationship.

So in asking yourself who was in the wrong, was it the woman who doubted for a moment? No, it was the man who decided to place his entire happiness in someones hands. If we place all of our happiness in the control of others, how can we ever expect to be happy? It is entirely up to us to be happy, and if we choose to be happy with someone else, we're all the better. We cannot rely on them to make us happy.

The book delves into quite a bit more information regarding loving yourself and being a whole person. It also emphasizes my previous belief that you have to be happy on your own, if you can ever be happy with anyone else. You have to love yourself to fully love another, and you have to be an equal part to a relationship, and not rely on them. It is the same with friends, family, and anyone you encounter.

In any case, I highly recommend this book to anyone, even if you read it simply to remind yourself of what you knew before. He has at least 3 other books that go along with it, and I plan on reading them as well.

Remember, God = Love and God is inside of you.

So YOU = LOVE.
125 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on July 24, 2024
This book had some life changing insight but I wouldn’t count this as a relationship book. It more so focused on making sure to heal yourself before engaging in a relationship
3 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on September 15, 2024
Love the author ✍️
Reviewed in the United States on July 21, 2024
Love the prayers at the end 😭
An eye opening about love and how to give love and live like it’s the last day
2 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on May 5, 2024
Amazing book. This actually helped with my grieving of a relationship. It also shed light on relationships that I should not have had.
3 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on July 13, 2024
I checked out used and decided to go with new. But, when it arrived, there were smears in the front and back covers that I had to wash off. There was also a gouge on the back cover. The inside does look new, hence the four stars. But disappointed…
2 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on September 1, 2024
Same good quality reading material as The Four Agreements.
2 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on April 27, 2024
Easy straight forward read. So very interesting concepts. Easy to follow ideas conveyed. Liked the metaphors to explain rational thought.
3 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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Karina
5.0 out of 5 stars Easy and amazing read
Reviewed in Canada on November 17, 2023
First off I love the fact that the way it’s written is very simple, almost sounds like you are reading a conversation which makes it an amazing book for non-readers like myself.
This book was INCREDIBLE! I just got out of a relationship and was feeling rather lost and this book is like your wise father giving you life advice, it was so insightful and positive. The author really highlights such simple yet important things that I think a lot of us miss when we are looking for love.
Absolutely 10/10 book I highly recommend it ESPECIALLY to very spiritual and/or religious people as this book does have a rather spiritual type of feel to it because the author mentions god and spirits and such.
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Karina
5.0 out of 5 stars Easy and amazing read
Reviewed in Canada on November 17, 2023
First off I love the fact that the way it’s written is very simple, almost sounds like you are reading a conversation which makes it an amazing book for non-readers like myself.
This book was INCREDIBLE! I just got out of a relationship and was feeling rather lost and this book is like your wise father giving you life advice, it was so insightful and positive. The author really highlights such simple yet important things that I think a lot of us miss when we are looking for love.
Absolutely 10/10 book I highly recommend it ESPECIALLY to very spiritual and/or religious people as this book does have a rather spiritual type of feel to it because the author mentions god and spirits and such.
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Buen libro
5.0 out of 5 stars Favorito
Reviewed in Mexico on May 20, 2023
Todo el mundo tiene que leerlo!!!!
BelaFr
5.0 out of 5 stars Inspirador
Reviewed in Brazil on February 20, 2023
Muito bom o livro, linguagem acessível e fala muito sobre a vida, sentimentos, o que é amor, como lidar com as pessoas etc
francesca rubei
5.0 out of 5 stars the mastery of love
Reviewed in Italy on May 28, 2024
Amazing !! I really recommend people reading it ! It makes you think differently.
I also read the first one of don Miguel Ruiz.
He is a great reader
Nitya
5.0 out of 5 stars Mind blowing book
Reviewed in India on December 15, 2023
It is thought provoking, life changing book. And in such a simple language, it doesn't fail to impress