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Mean Girls All Grown Up: Surviving Catty and Conniving Women Paperback – August 1, 2005
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Top Customer Reviews
Not a teenager or even a twenty- or thirty-something, but having had some recent conflicts with mean girls, I am intrigued by DiMarco's approach to the problem. However, I found there was much I disagreed with, and I would hesitate to give it to my daughter without one-on-one discussion and caveats about her advice. Read on.
The main goal, DiMarco believes, is to get the mean girl to leave us alone. To do this, she first helps us understand the mean girl's motivations. Does she perceive us as a rival? Does she believe we are somehow better than her? Does she gossip about us? If so, why?
Our response, she believes, is to keep our mouth shut and try not to justify ourselves to those mean girls we don't have a relationship with (pulling from the wisdom of Richard Foster's CELEBRATION OF DISCIPLINE). Feeling a need to adjust our image, she believes, is proof that we are serving humans rather than God. Rather confusingly, she admits there might be a time to make the truth known (if a lie is being spread about us at the office that we are stealing, for example) but not to the perpetrator. Instead, tell the supervisor. "The spiritual truth is that God never calls us to stand up for ourselves to the Mean Girl.Read more ›
While I can see why several readers were disappointed, I do think the author has some excellent analysis here. I also think that "forgiving your enemies" is the best thing for one's own mental health. I don't say this out of a desire to religiously parrot, however. I truly think that when one holds grudges they drink a glass of poison every day while expecting the other person to die. Furthermore, I admit to my own hypocrisy here as I have been unable to forgive properly on a handful of occasions. Yet, the way she advocates is undoubtedly best for the person cursed with the ire of mean women.
Pretty much any woman who looks better than another woman can relate to the experience of having fabulous written or telephone communications with that other female until, upon meeting such women in the flesh and seeing their expressions turn to that of trying to connect the face in front of them to a "Wanted" poster, from that moment on, the air of camaraderie disappears and is replaced by toxic aversion.
There is almost always some fabricated excuse an insecure woman will offer for avoiding, and hating on, a woman whom she's jealous of as though the poor gal is convicted child molester or murderer. There is no keeping things in perspective. The predictable "She deserves my hatred because....." excuse can be counted on as sure as you can count on the sun rising tomorrow, no matter how nice, agreeable, or respectful the person whom she is envious of is. And of course you'll almost never hear a woman admit to jealousy. A jealous woman will admit she's jealous about as often as a turned-on guy with low confidence will admit to a beautiful woman whom he doesn't know that he's having a hard time keeping his eyes to himself. Oddly, as averse as insecure females are to women who are good looking, they too have a hard time keeping their eyes to themselves. In this way, insecure women just set themselves up for disappointment by constantly sizing up their competition. They ask for, they get it, and then they want someone else to pay for it.
Writing from a Christian perspective, DiMarco writes of how the culture of self-esteem and our `rights' has created a cycle of mean; `she was mean to mean first, so I was justified in getting her back.'
Reminding us that "we can't change others, we can only change ourselves," DiMarco focuses the reader inward which in this reviewer's case helped point out that my drive to achieve was painting a bulls-eye on my back for women less driven. Taking time to engage these women instead of ignoring them as "non job essential" was her recommendation.
For any reader uncomfortable with Christianity, I'd point you elsewhere. But if the non-religious reader acknowledges that the Bible is a book of wisdom and common sense lacking in today's selfish culture, you'll appreciate much of this book's content.
This book is formatted for the `instant messaging' generation, with lots of quotes, quizzes, and features like "Top Ten Signs Your Friend Is a Mean Girl." If you prefer black serif fonts on white paper, you might be a tad overwhelmed by this book. My personal opinion is that the design was quite engaging.
The article approach makes the book easily digestible and allows the reader to jump around reading chapters that apply to their current situation of mean. Also, because of the chapters having a magazine article feel rather than the traditional Chapter 1, Chapter 2 layout, linear thinkers might find the book contradictory or disjointed.
I suspect that this may have been the case with a previous reviewer.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Catty and conniving women are a real problem everywhere.Sadly it is a huge problem in the church since there is a 8 to 1 ratio of single Christian women to single Christian men. Read morePublished on April 10, 2014 by bonavox
A friend told me about the book and I decided to read it. Thinking of having a women's bible study with this bookPublished on December 13, 2012 by Ryan Grabill
This book was very helpful for me to learn to cope with social situations with other women. I do not consider myself a victim ANYMORE and this book helped me to get over a lot of... Read morePublished on March 12, 2012 by A. J. Delph
I bought this book for a coworker who's being tormented by mean girls "grown up" on the job. Read morePublished on October 26, 2011 by Spudman
I had no idea this was yet, one more book based on scripture.
Why don't these people sell their books in the Christian Bookstore where they belong? Read more
I have owned this book for 3+ years and refer to it when looking for a positive, Christian approach to a situation. Read morePublished on August 15, 2010 by H. Doughty
I am so annoyed I bought this book, based on FALSE advertising and MISLEADING content on the web and on it's jackets. The recommendation is boasted from the Journal of Nursing. Read morePublished on February 19, 2008 by BallerinaAstronaut
If I had wanted a book that was full of Bible versus I would have bought one! I feel that the title mirepresented the whole thought behind the book. Read morePublished on September 8, 2006 by Happy Mum