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Mean Girls Grown Up: Adult Women Who Are Still Queen Bees, Middle Bees, and Afraid-to-Bees Paperback – October 5, 2007
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From Publishers Weekly
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
From the Inside Flap
In Mean Girls Grown Up, Cheryl Dellasega explores why women are often their own worst enemies, offering practical advice for a variety of situations. She introduces you to the "bees" of grade school who, as adults, are still involved in the same harmful dynamic: the Queen Bee, a bully who buzzes from place to place undermining and manipulating others; the Middle Bee, a go-between who spreads gossip or stands by as others do so; and the Afraid-to-Bee who retreats into passivity and is a target for aggression.
Drawing upon extensive research and interviews, Dellasega shares stories from women who have encountered these bees as well as the knowledge of experts who have helped women overcome the negative effects of aggression. You'll hear how adult women can be just as competitive and callous as their younger counterparts, using backstabbing, betrayal, harassment, misrepresentation, and exclusion to wound others.
You'll also discover: Why women often deal with conflicts differently from the way men do Strategies for dealing with women who use relationships to inflict hurt or prevent you from achieving your goalsHow to protect yourself from being involved in deception, bullying, and other harmful behaviors
Dellasega outlines how women can change their behavior successfully by shifting away from aggression and embracing a spirit of cooperation in interactions with others. Even if bee-type behaviors have plagued you since adolescence, Mean Girls Grown Up will help you let go of aggression or passivity, move on, and create relationships that are healthier and happier for you and the women around you.
Top Customer Reviews
For example one story in Mean Girls tells a story of a woman trying everything she can to make a bad situation good. She clung to her abusive job only to get fired; it was declared a victory and positive example by the author because this woman's behavior showed her son 'not to give up'. Talking yourself out of finding a better situation and staying in a work environment where you're getting poor reviews and your self-esteem is getting battered despite good work -- that's a lesson in martyrdom, not strength. It actually exemplifies what people with good intentions do to make themselves and their families miserable. Why hurt your career, let alone mental and physical health when life has so much to offer?
Oddly I've read two books on female aggression talk about the same bullying, obsessive personalities that don't even mention personality disorders. Google "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" and "Borderline Personality Disorder" to get better perspective and stronger advice. Statistically women tend to be more likely diagnosed with these disorders, yet the two books I've read on the topic of female aggression dance around these characteristics without addressing NP & BPD directly.
Dealing with someone who has a disorder is a whole other ballgame than a initiating a healthy conversation about improving a working relationship. Confronting bullying behavior in almost any way with a personality disordered co-worker is almost guaranteed to make the problem worse.
There is a lot of info out there on how to handle people with these disorders that the books don't provide.
But Dellasega does far more than merely bring these behaviors to light. Rather that simply showing her readers the paradigm, she attempts to show us how to change it. While the opening sections of the books are dedicated to exhaustive stories of RA (and sometimes some rather awful poetry as well), the latter portions deal with how to recognize, reshape and restructure our own roles in the paradigm. She reminds the reader that each of these rolls (Queen Bee, Middle Bee and Afraid-To-Bee) is the negative reaction to fear and insecurity and that through recognition, understanding and reshaping of our own behaviors we can begin to heal. In some senses, Dr.Read more ›
It is so refreshing to read a book that confirms and gives a name to what you see happening every day. We just thought junior high behavior ended after high school! This book identifies and offers advice on how to work with different personality types, whether you are a stay-at-home mom with volunteer jobs or are working outside the home.
I recognized many women (and, of course, me) in Dr. Dellasega's book. It was thought provoking, insightful, and it made me evaluate the work and friend relationships I have with other women.
I plan to give this book as a gift to all my women friends.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Good resource. Thought we would have come farther in 50 years not regressed to such meanness on the grander scale.Published 23 days ago by Amazon Customer
This "Mean Girls Grown Up: Adult Women Who Are Still will give me more insightful reading on this very hard to deal with difficult personalities on any give dayPublished 2 months ago by Mary Jo Gramann
Very happy with the quality of the product and speed of shipment.Published 7 months ago by Reggie Buresh
I had high hopes for this book, but it's just an unnecessarily thorough, and OBVIOUS examination of female relationships, offering no solutions, no mention of justice, and no... Read morePublished 10 months ago by Jemmima Halowell
I got a lot out of this book. It helped me understand the behavior of some of the women in life. There is a bit of touchy-feely advice later on in the book that I skimmed through... Read morePublished 16 months ago by MaryC
Describes all of the workplace-disrupting women you ever knew, and offers only simplistic non-solutions for disarming their bad-behavior bombs. A disappointing book.Published 22 months ago by ruralta
I followed most of the techniques listed in the book just by instinct in dealing with my Queen Bee at work. Read morePublished on July 15, 2014 by AmazonPurchases