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Mean Moms Rule: Why Doing the Hard Stuff Now Creates Good Kids Later Paperback – April 1, 2012
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""Mean" moms make kids learn to do things for themselves from making breakfast to finding inner peace. They are so mean, in fact, that they refuse to treat their kids like darling little dolts. I'm hoping I'm a little meaner myself after reading this book." - Lenore Skenazy, founder of the book and blog Free-Range Kids.
"What ever happened to raising your kids to leave you someday? Well, the 'everybody wins,' 'my kids are my friends,' perfect parenting culture got in the way. Luckily, Denise Schipani shares her secret to being a "Mean Mom," and why it's better for your kids and for you in the long run." - Jen Singer, author "You're a Good Mom (and Your Kids Aren't So Bad Either)
"Schipani has a solid track record of writing on parenting topics and no shortage of opinions. Self-described as "relentlessly practical" she is also funny, witty, and loaded with suggestions for keeping kids in their place (e.g., stash the grown-up ice cream in the back of the freezer and eat it after they go to bed)." - Publishers Weekly
"It's a way of life that too few parents are willing to impose these days, with negative consequences for both parents ("Hang onto yourself," Schipani advises. "You may need that person later") and children alike. But she feels the benefits are well worth it. "I am going to take these two little boys I've created and turn them into good men. If it kills me."" - mommytries.com
""Mean Moms Rule" is a great investment for all parents. She reminds me that being a firm and financially sane parent will help my little guy grow up to be a steady, self-disciplined young man." - dailyworth.com
"Mean Moms Rule is Denise's no-nonsense, reassuring, funny, and above all empowering take on parenting. She's not telling you her way is the only way, or that it's scientifically proven that xyz will result in abc. She's not trying to convince you that there's a right way to parent. She's just calling it like she sees it." - debbiekoenig.com
"Mean Moms Rule is a good reminder that we can be reasonable in our parenting." - aspiritedmind.com
"Denise Schipani has written an amazing book that every parent should own. I'm so proud to know that I am a MEAN MOM!" - theadventuresofsupermom.com
"Finally, a book that enforces good old fashion discipline, hard work and the regular use of the taboo word "NO"." - clutterbug.me
"Wow, I was feeling kind of guilty for having to constantly say no, but after reading a few of the pages my confidence has gone up and I will continue to be a proud mean mom." - everydaysimpleummi.blogspot.com
From the Back Cover
Denise Schipani shares her secret to being a 'Mean Mom,' and why it's better for your kidsand for youin the long run." Jen Singer, author You're a Good Mom (and Your Kids Aren't So Bad Either)
"'Mean' moms make kids learn to do things for themselves from making breakfast to finding inner peace. I'm hoping I'm a little meaner myself after reading this book." Lenore Skenazy, founder of the book and blog FreeRange Kids
"I've chosen to be the kind of mother I feel is best, and that kind of mother is mean."
MEAN MOMS SAY NO.
MEAN MOMS ARE CONSISTENT.
MEAN MOMS TRUST THEMSELVES.
MEAN MOMS DON'T CARE WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING.
MEAN MOMS TEACH KIDS THE LIFE SKILLS THEY NEED TO KNOW.
MEAN MOMS SLOW IT DOWN.
MEAN MOMS FAIL THEIR KIDS A LITTLE BIT EVERY DAY.
And mean moms prepare their kids for the world, not the world for their kids, raising children into adults who know how to make themselves happy.
Mean Moms Rule.
And their kids benefit
Denise Schipani writes about all things mean and motherly at www.confessionsofameanmommy.com
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Ever feel completely overwhelmed amid all the perfect, smiling, happy, everything-is-perfect moms of the playgroup? Read this. Relax. You're doing just fine.
Ever feel like you're just not having enough fun with your infant because you're tired and worn out and no one can understand why you don't think racing from Gymboree to Baby Music to Baby Play Group is fun? Read this. Relax. It's fine.
Basically, the idea is how not to lose yourself in your new mommyhood and how to focus on raising independent, responsible, respectful children and prepare them for life (eventually) on their own. And keep your sanity.
Common sense that just isn't so common anymore.
This book is a great reminder that the little things add up.
Little things can become habits and can create expectations in your kids.
(visiting the vending machine EVERY time you go to the library even though it's
right before dinner)
The biggest thing that I got out of this book is that you don't prepare your kids for life by taking away every hardship or experience which may lead to hurt feelings. You don't help them by protecting them from every potentially tough encounter.
As a side note, I disagree that it puts down SAHMs. She's very clear that there's nothing wrong with that choice. She encourages SAHMs to ensure they have a life IN ADDITION TO being a mom. In my own professional and parenting opinion - that's just good common sense. It encourages a healthy balance in your life and in the end, it just makes you a better mom. Just like mom's that have a job outside the home couldn't do that job 24/7 - they need a break. So do SAHMs - because yes - that's a tough job - and like any job... you should have the ability to be "off duty" on a regular basis.
Highly recommend this book! If we don't start parenting our kids with expectations and rules and instill the values of hard work - I fear where this country is heading!
I was now a single moment: I was a single mom of twins. At essentially the hardest age of development for the parents to weather without some little measure of their brain becoming permanently Jack Nicholson a la The Shining. I was a stay at home single mom of hree-year-old twins, and now I was broke and it was winter like a boss.
It was a long half-year over here, I tell you what, because I was already losing my street cred with these two when I was asked to just , real quick, when I got a chance, if I could just you know, revise my entire future and my family's life goals and plans without so much as a little wink and a nudge of a hint before it all went down.
And they saw me stumbling, these two brilliant little beasts of mine, and they immediately went into sky negotiations. I found myself giving into them more and more, ceding little territories of control - the television and the favored snacks once used to increase compliance now auctioned off in exchange for little single serving blocs of quiet, relative peace.
I knew what I was doing myself, and even now, with the cruel, late clarity that hindsight always brings in offering, I'd even wager that it may have been the healthiest thing I was capable of as a mom at the time, but I had no idea how I would begin to dig myself out of the hole. As the light started to show at the end of our tunnel I could see what I'd wrought in their behavior with ever-increasing sharpness. It wasn't good.
And ok then one night my kinder spirits sent me into Amazon, for a mommy pick me up. I needed new books. Always, New books were guides to somewhere new, and new was always better when I stooped to selfish online spending. And there it was. The book that told me every time I'd second guessed myself and let my softer side cut slack, what felt like compensation for their father's awful choice, I was only making my job harder on us all. I tightened up, vetted the immediate backlash (it always gets worse before it gets better but it's beyond worth it getting better, trust) and I'm once again the benevolent dictator of a happy little trio, generally speaking. They've learned. And quick without the intermittent reinforcement - will she crumble this time? Won't she? Nope, so back it up ' cause that's her ser'ous face right there - Exactly what they need to do in that when they do it every thing is awesome. When they make bad choices, and they're young so every now and then they have to check my fluids, make sure I'm still all topped off on for For Real, and when they see I'm running smooth they back it up and we can pull ourselves back together pretty well. We hit a bumpy patch every now and then, but basically privileges are no longer poker chips and I'm happy to be handing out all day unless I'm getting bad choices.
This book Coming right back in the driver seat it's the thing that put me right up over that last hump. At the best job now I've ever had, more on track in life than before, more confident in general, and Even unrelated stressors are easier to have back because the elevation of being back behind the wheel at home Got everything else in order too. I really had no idea what a difference it would make and never would have started down that road if I'd known it wasn't just a little power I was giving up to them.
Its not the be-all and all, and it's not going to make the changes for you. But if, like me, you were unsure how mean was too mean or what mean even was and what the difference between mean and simply assertive parenting is, whether you're being authoritative (good) or authoritarian (bad), I think this book does a really nice concise job of clearly saying this is where you need to draw your line in the sand and, more importantly, this is why. It's really important to me especially now being a single mom that I raised competent independent women who are going to be a benefit to the world. I can't do that if we can't eve go shopping together because I cant keep them in the cart. It taught me how to shine them how to be the kind of women I want them to grow into: assertive, confident, self-assured, and most of all, benevolent. I really love that title. I'm the benevolent dictator of my home and I rule with both a golden heart AND and an iron will.
Thanks, Denise. We really needed that , the three of us. We fierce now.