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Mean Moms Rule: Why Doing the Hard Stuff Now Creates Good Kids Later Paperback – April 1, 2012
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""Mean" moms make kids learn to do things for themselves from making breakfast to finding inner peace. They are so mean, in fact, that they refuse to treat their kids like darling little dolts. I'm hoping I'm a little meaner myself after reading this book." - Lenore Skenazy, founder of the book and blog Free-Range Kids.
"What ever happened to raising your kids to leave you someday? Well, the 'everybody wins,' 'my kids are my friends,' perfect parenting culture got in the way. Luckily, Denise Schipani shares her secret to being a "Mean Mom," and why it's better for your kids and for you in the long run." - Jen Singer, author "You're a Good Mom (and Your Kids Aren't So Bad Either)
"Schipani has a solid track record of writing on parenting topics and no shortage of opinions. Self-described as "relentlessly practical" she is also funny, witty, and loaded with suggestions for keeping kids in their place (e.g., stash the grown-up ice cream in the back of the freezer and eat it after they go to bed)." - Publishers Weekly
"It's a way of life that too few parents are willing to impose these days, with negative consequences for both parents ("Hang onto yourself," Schipani advises. "You may need that person later") and children alike. But she feels the benefits are well worth it. "I am going to take these two little boys I've created and turn them into good men. If it kills me."" - mommytries.com
""Mean Moms Rule" is a great investment for all parents. She reminds me that being a firm and financially sane parent will help my little guy grow up to be a steady, self-disciplined young man." - dailyworth.com
"Mean Moms Rule is Denise's no-nonsense, reassuring, funny, and above all empowering take on parenting. She's not telling you her way is the only way, or that it's scientifically proven that xyz will result in abc. She's not trying to convince you that there's a right way to parent. She's just calling it like she sees it." - debbiekoenig.com
"Mean Moms Rule is a good reminder that we can be reasonable in our parenting." - aspiritedmind.com
"Denise Schipani has written an amazing book that every parent should own. I'm so proud to know that I am a MEAN MOM!" - theadventuresofsupermom.com
"Finally, a book that enforces good old fashion discipline, hard work and the regular use of the taboo word "NO"." - clutterbug.me
"Wow, I was feeling kind of guilty for having to constantly say no, but after reading a few of the pages my confidence has gone up and I will continue to be a proud mean mom." - everydaysimpleummi.blogspot.com
From the Back Cover
Denise Schipani shares her secret to being a 'Mean Mom,' and why it's better for your kidsand for youin the long run." Jen Singer, author You're a Good Mom (and Your Kids Aren't So Bad Either)
"'Mean' moms make kids learn to do things for themselves from making breakfast to finding inner peace. I'm hoping I'm a little meaner myself after reading this book." Lenore Skenazy, founder of the book and blog FreeRange Kids
"I've chosen to be the kind of mother I feel is best, and that kind of mother is mean."
MEAN MOMS SAY NO.
MEAN MOMS ARE CONSISTENT.
MEAN MOMS TRUST THEMSELVES.
MEAN MOMS DON'T CARE WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING.
MEAN MOMS TEACH KIDS THE LIFE SKILLS THEY NEED TO KNOW.
MEAN MOMS SLOW IT DOWN.
MEAN MOMS FAIL THEIR KIDS A LITTLE BIT EVERY DAY.
And mean moms prepare their kids for the world, not the world for their kids, raising children into adults who know how to make themselves happy.
Mean Moms Rule.
And their kids benefit
Denise Schipani writes about all things mean and motherly at www.confessionsofameanmommy.com
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Ever feel completely overwhelmed amid all the perfect, smiling, happy, everything-is-perfect moms of the playgroup? Read this. Relax. You're doing just fine.
Ever feel like you're just not having enough fun with your infant because you're tired and worn out and no one can understand why you don't think racing from Gymboree to Baby Music to Baby Play Group is fun? Read this. Relax. It's fine.
Basically, the idea is how not to lose yourself in your new mommyhood and how to focus on raising independent, responsible, respectful children and prepare them for life (eventually) on their own. And keep your sanity.
Common sense that just isn't so common anymore.
Mean Moms Rule is a well-written, easy to read book that basically brings you back to your true self as a parent. It reconnects one with intuition, inner guidance...and gives permission to those who are afraid of being judged as not "gentle (um...permissive) enough" to do those hard things that make for better kids...and eventually better grown-ups.
It gives a clear road of how to discipline, how to instill responsibility, how to teach, and how to reach BALANCE within the family. How to do what feels right once you've scraped away all the parental peer pressure and inner guilt for not being some idealistic parent figure. Denise covers all the basics that help you figure out what is right for *your* family...and to feel confident in doing just that.
As a mother of an AP'd toddler who eventually needed more boundaries than I could make, and a mother herself who needed more healthy boundaries for *herself*, I highly recommend this to all sorts of parents, gentle or not, AP or not.
Note that she does NOT condone CIO nor recommend that people do not co-sleep! She encourages you to research, decide, and then stick to whatever it is that you decide. I think she does this in a VERY respectful way.
Each of the "manifestos" (chapters) talk about ways to build your child up, and how that can mean saying no, letting them face consequences, allowing them to fail... This is not a parenting style- and in fact the author urges us to avoid clinging to any one particular style, especially if the popular style wouldn't meet your or your child's needs. we all make it up as we go along, we will make mistakes, and that's ok.
There may be other books like this- but given today's climate of mommy wars and parental judgements- I say read them all! Maybe if more new moms knew how to hold onto themselves, knew when and how to set boundaries and hold firm despite the mean mom critics... Fewer women would be struggling with ppd/anxiety/other mental health issues. Maybe knowing we don't have to completely lose ourselves, the people we've spent a lifetime thus far becoming, in order to be "perfect parents" can help moms - and dads for that matter, be better -happier people and better - happier parents.
We used to tell my mom she was being a mean mom whe she made a tough call, stood hard against our rebellions, etc. and she would smile and say, "maybe I will get the mean mom of the year award." one year we actually made her a fake award that she has to this day and hangs first anytime she moves.
There are some people who might fear the "you're a mean mom!" cry- but me? I hope I can one day win the mean mom award, just like my awesome mom
This book is a great reminder that the little things add up.
Little things can become habits and can create expectations in your kids.
(visiting the vending machine EVERY time you go to the library even though it's
right before dinner)
The biggest thing that I got out of this book is that you don't prepare your kids for life by taking away every hardship or experience which may lead to hurt feelings. You don't help them by protecting them from every potentially tough encounter.