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The Measure of a Man: Becoming the Man You Wish Your Father Had Been Paperback – June 1, 1995

5.0 out of 5 stars 3 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

From Kirkus Reviews

Before a man can be a good father, he must come to terms with his own father, contends Shapiro (Counseling Psychology/Santa Clara University; When Men are Pregnant, 1987- -not reviewed) in this earnest look at the psychology of fathering. Shapiro, the father of two, shares not only his own experiences as a dad but what he's learned from his patients, men's groups, workshops, interviews, surveys, the literature on fatherhood, and even electronic bulletin boards. Central to his work is the belief that a man who wishes to be a better father must understand both his actual father and his internalized image of him, for this ``inner father'' shapes a man's emotional reactions and behavior when he himself has children. In addition to describing in considerable detail how to conduct the essential probing of the father-son relationship, Shapiro offers advice on becoming a ``good-enough'' father. He counsels men to become actively involved with their children and warns them against imitating mothers, since fathers have their own roles to play- -most importantly, the traditional male role of protecting and providing. According to Shapiro, learning fathering skills is a lifelong process, one that he divides into eight stages, beginning with preparing for one's firstborn and ending with becoming a grandfather. The single father and stepfather are covered in the section on ``Hard Fathering,'' while ``Resources for Fathers'' provides sources of further information, plus some commonly asked questions, with very short answers. Shapiro brackets his text with two deeply personal and revealing letters about fatherhood--one to his own father and one to his children. More effective as an aid to understanding one's father than as a manual on becoming a better father, and more appropriate for men with sons than for those with daughters. -- Copyright ©1993, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 409 pages
  • Publisher: Perigee Trade (June 1, 1995)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0399519351
  • ISBN-13: 978-0399519352
  • Product Dimensions: 5.3 x 1.2 x 8.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,539,551 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
In my experience as a counselor and life coach, I have found very few books that can so simply, compassionately, and informatively describe the complex relationships of men and their fathers. This is my second copy because I wanted one for both my home and office. The book is easy to read and the stories memorable. It is a valuable reference for my male clients and the males in my life.
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
One of my four brothers recommended this to me. He got it for his grown son. At least one my other brothers read it too. I find it rather eye-opening about what men go through and a starting point for discussions with men in my family.
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Format: Paperback
I'm surprised this book has so few reviews. It's excellent. Very compelling, well written with clear and helpful advice. I love it!
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