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Men Made Easy : How to Get What You Want from Your Man Paperback – March, 1999
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From the Publisher
Let this excerpt from the introduction speak for itself:
Within the pages of this book are Twelve Simple Secrets that I developed after interviewing hundreds of men. These Secrets will allow you to peek into the heretofore well-guarded private recesses of a mans heart and soul. As if by magic, the Secrets will cause your man to treat you more and more like a queen. He wont be able to help himself. Hell respond as if in a trance. Hell begin to change in ways you had hoped he would in the beginning of your relationship, ways in which you probably gave up on long ago.
Twelve Simple Secrets that will change your life.
Do you still believe in romantic love? Do you long to have it be a part of your relationship? Are you willing to admit that you want the little-girl dreams of a handsome prince carrying you off to his castle to live happily ever after? Youre not alone. Most women do.
Some people say the fairy tales created the dream. I believe the fairy tales were written because the dreams were a natural outcome of many womens deep heart longings to be cherished and adored; to be protected and cared for; to be thought of as beautiful in the eyes of a man who would do anything, even slay dragons, for her love. But somewhere along the way, the minutia of daily life filled the void and you almost forgot about the dream almost. Instead, you settled; settled for comfortable, settled for occasional, settled for "It could be worse." Once you know all Twelve Secrets, youll no longer be settling because youll watch your relationship change, right before your eyes effortlessly and discover that your fantasies are beginning to come true.
Expectations only disappoint us.
The expectations that many women carry to the altar are pretty high. Most men fall shortoften quite shortof those expectations. But the Secrets revealed in the pages of this book can make most any man become more like that mythical Prince Charming. Hell become more attentive, more romantic, more loving, more caring, and a lot of everything else you dared not hope for.
A man doesnt usually pay much attention to his relationship. Either it works or it doesnt. A woman is more attuned to the subtle nuances that give her what she craves within her relationship or not. As you read this book, youll feel yourself shifting from within, and youll find yourself interacting with your husband or boyfriend in brand new ways. As you shift, he will. Like the Pied Piper, you lead and he follows. As you learn the Secrets, and take them to heart, youll see how truly simple it is to completely transform your relationship.
* * * * *
For several years, I facilitated womens self-discovery workshops. I heard the heartache and disappointment that surrounded their relationships. I saw the destruction that divorce and crushed dreams could cause. I watched women cry, held them in my arms, and wiped their tears.
I could empathize because I grew up wanting the same dream. I had a good marriage for almost thirty years, but there wasnt any passion or romance. I used to cry myself to sleep, silently huddled on my side of the bed. He was a good man, I told myself, but a lot was missing for me. After twenty-seven years of marriage he began to do things that I could not respect. After a difficult year-and-a-half struggle, we divorced.
Ive since discovered what its like to be with a romantic, passionate man who makes me feel beautiful and womanly, a generous man who cherishes and adores me, who wants to take care of me and make me happy, and I will never again settle for less. Thats what fulfills my deepest hearts desire. Thats what makes me feel most fully and completely a woman.
People ask me how I came to know these Secrets about men. Very simply, I made men a focus of study. Im very intuitive and, because of the self-discovery workshops I facilitated over several years, I developed the skill of understanding people. It served me when it came time to understand men.
Throughout this book I make some pretty bold and broad generalizations about men, and sometimes about women. Obviously, there will be exceptions to each and every claim I make. After all, we are all individuals. But almost without exception, men have agreed wholeheartedly with each of the Secrets, and theyre grateful that Im sharing this information with women. Believe it or not, just about every man I spoke to agreed with the following comment made by a window salesman from Houston. "Theres nothing that comes anywhere near what it feels like to love and be loved by a woman. My wife makes everything else worthwhile."
We can learn from ancient cultures.
Because cultural anthropology is my educational background, when I ponder why we do the things we do, I come from a larger perspective. I use logic and intuition in concert with what I have learned about psychology, culture, biology, evolution, as well as anthropology. Could my conclusions be wrong? Of course. Are they useful? Absolutely! If you believe as I do that love and trust grow out of greater understanding, then youll agree that every shred of wisdom adds depth to your relationship and your ability to create everlasting love. The Secrets revealed in this book will open your eyes so much so that youll feel as if youve been blind.
Ive been blessed to be able to travel all over the world. Ive been particularly interested in visiting tribal cultures in places like Papua New Guinea, Indonesia, and Africa. Ive seen most of the tribal behavior that I discuss in this book, much of which is driven by, and evolved because of, survival. Comparing what Ive observed firsthand to the ancient cultures I learned about in my studies of cultural anthropology, its obvious that not much has changed. I used what I know of cultures today and made conclusions about how life for ancient men and women might have been, and compared it to our modern ways of interacting and behaving. Understanding creates more harmony.
Youll have amazing leverage once you can look beneath your mans outer shell, the one that has all the answers, never gets emotional, and doesnt quite understand why you want romance. Not only does this book give you some reasons for his sometimes frustrating behavior, it also points out why you and he are so very different. Once you understand that much of what he does and how he reacts is a variety of automatic responsessuch as needing to succeed, to solve problems, and how easily hes arousedyou will be better equipped to get what you want from him and your relationship.
Culturethat which we learn and pass onis as powerful in determining our behavior as physical evolution, and in many ways, even more so. Personal pride, integrity, competition, and of course the all-powerful social shame can do wonders to keep us in line. Culture is strong, but it can be overridden when you know what to do.
We want more from our relationships.
Today, thankfully for most of us, survival is not in the forefront of our concerns. Quality of life is what we care about. We want more from our experiences and from our relationships with others. The Twelve Simple Secrets will give you more of what you want because the seemingly Grand Canyonsized chasm that separates men from women can actually be bridged.
On the next page you will begin a playful adventure that will carry you to new places of the heart. A glorious new life filled with the magic of ever-deepening love awaits you. Come, follow me to a cottage by an enchanted forest, filled with dreams-coming-true and happily-ever-afters.
From the Author
When I first started interviewing men, it was because of a seminar that I was teaching where I had a panel of men come into the room in the afternoon and answer any and all questions the women wanted to ask. But I was surprised by how much insight they were giving me into how they thought, what they were afraid of, how they felt about women, their needs, and desires. I absolutely had to share what I'd learned with women. Thus, Men Made Easy was born and I've never once regretted I took this path. Women let me know regularly what a difference my book has made on them and their relationships, which makes it all worth while.
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Top Customer Reviews
My first gripe is that about half of each chapter is written as a story, and the other half is straight to the point. The book could have been half as long if the story was left out.
Secret 1: Use feminine grace. Essentially she tells you to dress so you feel pretty, be nice, never be "ugly" (both physically and in behavior). Always wear pretty/sexy underwear. I totally agree with being nice to people in general, and overall have no complaints with this one, except she suggests using kissing as a reward system.
Secret 2:Men need to be understood and accepted for who they are. Basically don't try to change men, don't try to fix them, etc. Good advice
Secret 3: You are his only source of intimacy. This chapter is based on the broad generalization that all women are social creatures with at least one close friends and wide circles of friendships while men have only acquaintances and no close friends. It completely discounts anyone who is outside of this norm. We, as women, must then make ourselves completely available for our men to be their best friend, in all circumstances.
Secret 4: Sex is the only way men know how to be intimate:says to understand that men are socialized to not feel emotions or connect with people, so they can only express intimacy through sex. They can't possibly say and mean "I love you", so they say it through sex. I think this discounts human variation too much, and really doesn't give men enough credit.
Secret 5: Men have high hopes for monogamy. Great news, right? Yeah, until she gets to the point where if a woman looses interest in sex, he has no option but to follow is nature and seek out someone else. It seems to be a recurring theme that it is the woman's job to be very very interested in sex, all the time, to keep her man. Not only interested, but keep the sex exciting and fun for him. SHE should buy fresh undergarments that will arouse him, dress up, push HER boundaries, etc.
Secret 6:For a man, failure is like death. Basically she says it is a woman's job to always make her man feel like a success at home. What if he isn't? What if he doesn't do anything around the house, ignores the kids and you, etc? Reward him for doing little things, like putting his glass in the kitchen, with a sexy long kiss. Explain to the kids how important he is, and how hard he works, and tell them they shouldn't bother him. Accept that he needs his alone time at home. What crap! So he gets a free pass, and the woman (80% of whom also work these days) has to do everything?
Secret 7: If you're not happy, hes a failure. But, don't depend on him for happiness. Nope, be happy all by yourself through feminine grace. Live happy so he can be happy too.
Secret 8: Men show their love through action. If he washes your car, its his way of saying he loves you, because he can't express it in other ways. Again, nothing wrong with this except it doesn't take into account human variation. I am a woman, and I best express my caring through practical actions. I dated a man who was great at romance and poetry and love songs. Its all about the people, not the gender.
Secret 9:Men take risks to survive. But they hate being rejected. Once again, this pretty much boils down to doing what he wants, especially when it comes to sex. She says that unless you have a good reason not to, why in the world would you want to risk hurting him by saying no. SO you should almost always say yes. Oh, and it can't just be "yeah, ok" sex, it has to be fun and exciting for him. If you don't desire him, its your fault and you should take steps to admire him again so you will desire him. If he doesn't desire you, its probably because you have gained weight, let yourself go, and are acting ugly, so you better diet, hit the gym, pretty yourself up, and be nicer. Nice, huh?
Secret 10: Men loose when they commit. By getting married, men have to give up their dreams, make compromises, in order to support their families. Women, however, dream of having a husband and kids, so she gets to live her dream (sound like something out of the 1800's anyone?). Additionally, men want their wives to stay exactly the same as when they marry them. So what do we need to do? Tell him often how much you appreciate how hard he works to support you. Give him his privacy and time alone for his hobbies. Keep yourself beautiful and feminine. And of course, make sure you are offering lots of sex.
Secret 11: To be heard, you must speak his language. This one is actually a good tip. Don't assume he knows what you are thinking or feeling, spell everything out. Have a conversation about communication, listening, etc, and work together to improve your communication.
Secret 12: Men want to be with women who make them feel like men. Ask him to do "manly" stuff like opening jars. Tell him how strong and handsome he is, what a hard worker he is, how much you appreciate him supporting you, etc. Nothing wrong with this either, but I really get the feeling that the author sees a woman's job as her man's "ego booster" and sex object.
Overall, I didn't like the book, and am glad I got it from the library. There are so many books out there that focus on the team aspect of relationships, and how each person must be happy and healthy on their own in order to have a healthy relationship, etc. Pick one of those instead.
I've read other relationship books but this was so simple to put into practice. It came naturally and has made a huge difference. I don't see how any woman can be without this information. And, like the author says, we women already know what's in the book but it's like we've forgotten it. What a great feeling to get reacquainted with it.
The twelve secrets are easy to understand and the newfound understanding I have for my husband has made my love for him come alive again. I've passed the book to two friends and they loved it too. It's like we have this special shared thing. It's nice. I think every woman who reads it will want to share it with her friends.
You will never be confused or at a loss with your partner again! (unless he's bonkers)
Every word of this book will take you to a higher underatanding of men, and your impact on them, as you follow three other women who discuss their problems and solutions with you. If you've ever been in a relationship, you will be able to identify with one or more of these women, and finally, FINALLY know what it was that split you and your lover(s) apart.
Once you buy this, you may as well not waste your money on another book like it. I also bought Make Every Man Want You, and 101 Ways to Get and Keep His Attention, both of which were dwarfed by this astounding book.