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For Men Only, Revised and Updated Edition: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women Hardcover – March 19, 2013
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Praise for For Men Only
“Once again Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn have unearthed a treasure chest of insights that are not only eye-opening, but life-changing.”
—Andy Stanley, senior pastor, North Point, Alpharetta, GA, and bestselling author
“In our weekly couples’ study we read and discussed both For Women Only and For Men Only over the course of several months. They were fascinating and very helpful. The findings in For Men Only about how women think are so enlightening. My wife and I think these books should be required premarital reading!”
—Comedian Jeff Foxworthy
“When we featured Shaunti’s books on Family Life Today, the phone rang off the hook! When Shaunti and Jeff come back on our broadcast, I’m buying some more phones. For Men Only is fresh and relevant –good stuff for every marriage. Read it!”
—Dennis Rainey, President, FamilyLife Today
“If you’ve ever asked, ‘Why does she do, think, or say that?’ then you’ve got to read this book. Shaunti and Jeff not only answer this question, they eliminate the confusion that has kept far too many men from bridging the gender gap.”
—Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, bestselling authors of Love Talk
“Most of my work helping passive Christian men become more like Jesus involves how best to relate to women. I’m going to make sure to keep a case of the Feldhahn’s excellent book handy at all times.”
—Paul Coughlin, author, No More Christian Nice Guy
“Men, we’re supposed to love our wives and live with them in an understanding way. That’s the clear assignment God gives each of us in the Scriptures. So buy this book, read it a couple of times, underline a few key ideas, and then keep it where you can review it regularly. It will help you be the husband God wants you to be.”
—Bob Lepine, cohost, FamilyLife Today
Praise for For Men Only and For Women Only
“Whenever Shaunti Feldhahn appears as a guest on the Focus on the Family radio program, we know that listener response will be enthusiastic. She has a way of connecting with the audience that is unique and compelling. We’re thankful for the unique perspective she provides not only to the Christian community, but to the culture at large.”
—Jim Daly, President, Focus on the Family
“These are the books I pass out to people as the best on the subject. Shaunti Feldhahn has the rare ability to do impeccable research and then make her findings incredibly practical. There is something to learn on every page.”
—Jim Burns, PhD., President, HomeWord, author of Creating an Intimate Marriage
“Whatever Shaunti Feldhahn researches, read. Actually, do more than read…study! Shaunti’s ability to ask the right questions, find the right answers and communicate the results clearly and practically sets her apart as a gifted researcher. Her content guides and changes lives.”
—Emerson Eggerichs, Ph.D., best-selling author, Love and Respect
“Shaunti Feldhahn has a unique gift for helping men understand women, and women, men. Her books, For Women Only and For Men Only, are the best I know at providing rich and practical gender understanding that can be used immediately. I highly recommend both all the time!”
—Robert Lewis, author of Raising a Modern-Day Knight; founder, Men's Fraternity
About the Author
Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn are popular speakers and best-selling authors whose research findings are regularly featured in national media as diverse as Focus on the Family, Family Life, the New York Times, and the Today Show. The Feldhahns have two children and live in Atlanta, Georgia.
Top customer reviews
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We truly feel like newlyweds again except without any of the painful mistakes that newlyweds make. My husband said that this book really opened his eyes to so many things.
And, each of us was surprised to know that our inner hurts and struggles were actually very common for our gender! It was actually a big relief.
Pray for yourself, pray for your spouse, pray for your marriage, and read these books together. There is a spectrum for everything so talk about what applies to you and what doesn't.
My husband rarely writes reviews on books so I'll recap what he told me about this book: "Some of the key points in this book I already knew in a vague way (after 20 years of marriage) but didn't know how to apply that to improve myself. And there were a few things that truly shocked me, like finding out you don't know how beautiful you are! Or that you wonder, so frequently, if I regret marrying you! Now I know what your heart longs for and I will give that to you, every day of my life. I will never stop pursuing you!"
Swept off my feet!
Written By: Shaunti Feldhahn and Jeff Feldhahn
Genre: Relationship Helps/Non-fiction
Recommended Ages: 13 & up
First of all, yes I know I am a woman. No, I'm not having a gender identity crisis. There are reasons for me reading this. And yes, it is helpful. I learned more about myself and other women. Especially since I'm not necessarily a typical woman in some areas.
Shaunti and Jeff did a great job making things easy to understand even for people who aren't all into brain science and things like that. I read both this and For Women Only at the same time and the differences between men and women was amazing.
Despite being a woman myself and supposedly then being able to understand some of the complexities of the female brain, I still found a few nuggets that helped me understand myself and other women around me.
The format of the book was well done. The only slight issues I had were the use of one slang word at least twice. This is a book from a predominately Christian viewpoint, so seeing those surprised me a bit.
Overall writing quality: 1/1
The writing quality was great! Humorous when it could be, but serious when needed as well.
I read it over a couple of months due to schedule conflicts, but otherwise it would have been hard to put down except to digest the information.
Every man should read this book. The information is timeless (mostly) and helpful. If you are married or in a relationship, I highly encourage you to read it together to help each other understand a bit more about how you tick.
I must confess as I read that claim I thought of the apocryphal story of the man who found a magic lamp and was granted only one wish. He wished for a road to be built from America to Europe so he could drive to Europe. The Genie informed him that’s quite unreasonable. It’s such a great distance and the water was extremely deep and that he should ask for something else. So the man said, “I want to know how to understand my wife.” The Genie responded. “Do you want that to be a two-lane or four-lane road to Europe?” This book makes good on the claim that you can gain greater insight into how women think.
The authors, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn, have created this book as a companion guide to their earlier book, For Women Only. For Men Only shares the results of hundreds of personal interviews, anecdotal information from women’s focus groups, and a national survey of four hundred women. This book is written from a man’s perspective as the first sentence states. ”Like some guys I know, you might be tempted to skip this introduction and jump right to the sex chapter” (p. 1). Men, I encourage you to read the entire book to have a loving and harmonious relationship with your spouse.
Here’s an overview of the chapter titles:
Chapter 1: Rethinking Random: Why you need a new map of the female universe
Chapter 2: The Deal is Never Closed: Why her “I do” will always mean “Do you?”
Chapter 3: Windows…Open! What you should know about the fabulous female brain
I found this word picture helpful, “. . . their thought lives are like busy computers with multiple windows open and running all at once, unwanted pop-ups intruding all the time, and little ability to close out or ignore any of that mental or emotional activity until a more convenient time.” (p. 42). That was a helpful perspective and then I became somewhat concerned because I feel that way at times.
Chapter 4: The Reason Hiding in Her “Unreasonable” Reaction: How you can break the code of baffling female behavior
Many men default to this observation by Oscar Wilde, “Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood” (p. 65).
Chapter 5: Your Real Job is Closer to Home
“Money talks but emotional security sings” (p. 87)
Chapter 6. Listening Is The Solution
This may be difficult for men to understand, but this is what the research demonstrates, “When she is sharing an emotional problem, her feelings and her desire to be heard are much more important than the problem itself.” (p. 109)
Chapter 7. With Sex, Her ‘No’ Doesn’t Mean You: How her desires are impacted by her unique wiring and why your ego shouldn’t be
Chapter 8. The Girl in the Mirror: What the little girl inside your woman is dying to hear from you
“Inside your smart, secure wife lives a little girl who deeply needs to know that you find her beautiful – and that you only have eyes for her.” (p. 153)
Chapter 9. The Man She Had Hoped to Marry: What the woman who loves you most, most wants you to know
The top thing that women wished their man knew was this: “You are my hero” (p. 179).
This is an excellent book for any man who is married or thinking about getting married. The Apostle Paul sums up well the man’s responsibility,
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,” (Ephesians 5:25)
(I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.)