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Men Who Can't Love: How to Recognize a Commitmentphobic Man Before He Breaks Your Heart Paperback – January 20, 2004

4.6 out of 5 stars 283 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Steven Carter lives in Los Angles, California. Julia Sokol lives in Bristol, Rhode Island.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 235 pages
  • Publisher: M. Evans & Company (January 20, 2004)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0871319993
  • ISBN-13: 978-0871319999
  • Product Dimensions: 5.3 x 0.9 x 8.1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (283 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #135,656 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Mass Market Paperback
I have read this book three times. Each time I find more information and it further explains my ex-boyfriend as he has through the years let out more of his Commitmentphobic tendencies. This book really hits the nail on the head with this problem. It's like the authors monitored your whole relationship and are now writing about your whole crazy situation! Which helps because reading this lets you know you aren't crazy and to stop beating yourself up over all of the issues the Commitmentphobic person has created. Depending on where you are in your life these relationships could destroy you and everything you have worked for personally and this book could be your saving grace. It doesn't place a lot of nasty blame or finger pointing on the man, it explains Commitmentphobia; it is a real problem! Believe me after he promised counseling and made super romantic attempts to be with me I went back to him each time, after two years we are apart again. Hence this is the third time I have read this book and hopefully the last. It all takes time to sink in I think, no matter how strong you are. Read it whenever you need it to keep your head out of the haze they create and to keep your self-esteem in tact. While reading through the book you will find yourself highlighting nearly the whole book, checking off every sign in the different stages as they are explained. The best money you will ever spend if this is your situation!
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Format: Mass Market Paperback
I sat in tears at the library reading this book because it was like reading my life. It was so reassuring to know that there are other women who have suffered as much just because we give our love so freely and unconditionally. It was a review of this book that made me go out and read it immediately. She had written about exactly what I was going through. Age seems not to make a difference. Once a commitmentphobe, always one it appears. My "soul-mate" was 20 years older than me, in his late fifties. An interesting twist on my story, is that although he had plenty of money, he never bought me a birthday, Valetine's or Christmas gift. I don't think it was so much the money, as it was his feeling that a gift would indicate commitment. He would never spend the night with me, and seemed content to talk romantically about what the future would hold - how wonderful it would be to snuggle together, couldn't wait to be together all the time, etc. He was just living in a fantasy world of no commitment, while I was seeing a rosy future, completely unaware that he was about to yank the rug out from under me. After never having a fight, always laughing, and romantic walks on the beach, he one night (after a date), announced he didn't see us with a future together. Thankfully, I had the common sense to calmly say that was all I needed to hear, and gave him his things. If you think that not crowding these men will do the trick, forget it.Read more ›
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Format: Mass Market Paperback
This is an important book for anyone who is suffering the fallout of a fairy tale beginning of a relationship. I recently found myself engaged after only 4 months of dating (and I am someone that ALL my friends call overly-cautious where men are concerned). He was everything I ever wanted in a man....or so I thought. Things were great until a ring was purchased. All of a sudden, nothing I wanted or needed in life mattered to this man, nothing I did was right and I began to feel like I had no business breathing. It was like being hit by a bus head on. I walked around shell-shocked for days..pleading with him to please talk to me....what happened? Thank goodness for this book. I started reading this book with the hope that things would work out between us but by the end I no longer WANTED things to 'work out' with this man. When I read the line "would you let a friend treat you like this?" I thought....NO WAY. If a friend did to me what he's done, that person would be written off my list. I do think that one should not read this book and believe that all the commitment problems are his. NOTHING happens in our lives by accident. If you are in a world of hurt because of a relationship THIS IS THE BOOK TO READ!
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By A Customer on March 16, 2001
Format: Mass Market Paperback
This book captures the symptons of a man who cannot seem to behave rationally towards the woman he claims to love. What man says he wants to marry you but fails to propose? What man claims to love you with all his heart but cannot consistently call you? What man pushes you away but then gets upset when you neglect to shower him with attention? Only a confused and tormented soul could act in such contradictory ways.
"Men Who Can't Love" helped me move from blaming myself for a failed relationship to thanking God that He finally rescued me from a no-win situation. This book helped me let go of a three-year, off-and-on relationship with the man I "thought" I wanted to marry. This book allowed me to see that I desperately hung on to shreds of a relationship that had no chance for survival. Why? Because the man lacked the capability to truly commit to the relationship despite his conflicting statements.
I have since read the book "Who Moved My Cheese", which is helping me recognize that change ultimately brings something better into our lives. Our relationships with commitmentphobics represents the Old Cheese, that suddenly disappears. But God has in store for us Bigger and Better Cheese. Cheese beyond our wildest dreams! Visualize that Cheese!
My current task is to forgive the man I once loved and focus on what will be instead of what is. In closing, I would like to share words of advice I received about my past boyfriend, "He didn't do what he did because he wanted to, but because he lacked the self-awareness to do otherwise."
Let's work on forgiving and moving on to our New Cheese!
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