I twittered Paula that I would have this review done and published by tomorrow. Note that Ms. Froelich does not know me from the man in the moon. Even though it is late on Saturday, I feel compelled to keep my word, since Paula seems fully capable of busting my balls.
I have about three hours before it becomes July 12; let's get to it. Firstly, one does not review the Holy Bible. One chooses a chapter and verse and donates volumes to it, both to hear himself type and God knows what else. In a similar manner, it is simply not possible to review 'Mercury ...' in its entirety. I shall choose part of a chapter on page 10, which should provide plenty of insight into the fats, proteins, and various other substances which make up Paula's mind.
Let's take a good look at: 'GAR [general assignment reporters, you ignorant RRs
] lifers eventually become "rewrites" -- rewriting wire copy and putting in random phone calls to back up the work of the street GARs. While the workload was easier and the chance of being fired without a lawsuit was slim to none, GAR lifers' careers were DOA -- no chance of promotion or pay hike. Penelope called them "floaters" -- a term she also used to refer to the little bits of poop that refused to flush in the toilet. ("No matter what they do -- or don't do -- they just keep popping back up.") Penelope lived in terror of a potential GAR-to-floater career trajectory. ... her knowledge of the court system, picked up from years of watching Court TV and 'Law & Order' [Paula, when I retired, for the first year I did nothing but watch Court TV and 'Law & Order' from morn till night -- how eerie is that!].
Okay, that's plenty. Damn good writing, you, an especially enlightened RR, say? Hell yeah! (Do you all remember Paula so cutely tilting her head from side to side, as she explained to Bill Maher and America in episdoe 156 of 'Real Time' that she never took Spanish? Mrs. Froelich, neither did I.)
Here's the thing before we get into details. Ever since I saw her on that show, and ever since I read the first ten pages of 'Mercury in Retrograde', I felt Dr. Froelich was my female alter ego. Paula, it's downright scary, which is why we must chat online, even though I know you are a very, very busy woman whereas I am an old,sick, do-nothing man.
The astute RR will realize when I compliment St. Froelich, I am also complimenting myself. Don't stop reading because you think you are caught in a quite private conversation between author and reviewer, although you really are. Paula and I don't mind. If you don't know how I know that, go back to the beginning and carefully reread this review. This is high-powered stuff, so you have to pay attention.
Paula clearly doesn't know steattorhea when she sees and smells it. Any RR who shares her ignorance should immediately Wikipediate the word. Paula, do not get scared. Everyone's can float given the right nutritional circumstances, and you don't have to lie awake at night worrying about having Primary Biliary Cirrhosis or its ilk. How do I know this? I was an internist for 30 years before my own body attacked me and forced me to quit. No charge, my love. (Did I ever tell you what beautiful lips you have? -- back to the review.)
Parenthetically, I'd like someone at Amazon.com to move my review into first place where Paula can find it easily. Maybe if the author or her audience petitions the website, it may come to be? I digress.
The book (probably) recounts the misadventures of the heroine Penelope Mercury aka Paula Froelich. Paula has class. She can make us fall in love with Penelope in the first few pages. Penelope does things such as groan and lumber. How can you not adore a character that groans and lumbers, although the author herself while capable of the former, cannot possibly perform the latter? Paula has a way [the following is copyrighted incidentally, so don't try any floater] of placing the tiny pieces of the mosaic of the human condition into such order with such a frugality of words ... okay, so I forgot what I was going to say, but it was very complimentary to the book.
I don't know what else to write except the author is brilliant, and her book is wonderful. If you don't buy it and thoroughly enjoy it, you are a nut-case RR and have no business owning the book. Of course, there is nothing wrong with that.
That's it. I can't wait to get to page 11. Now, do you want to hear about my book? You can't yet; I haven't finished it. But bookmark me, baby, bookmark me. I'm a 'comer with a way about him'.
Loading your book clubs
There was a problem loading your book clubs. Please try again.
Not in a club? Learn more
Join or create book clubs
Choose books together
Track your books
Bring your club to Amazon Book Clubs, start a new book club and invite your friends to join, or find a club that’s right for you for free.
Download the free Kindle app and start reading Kindle books instantly on your smartphone, tablet, or computer - no Kindle device required. Learn more
Read instantly on your browser with Kindle for Web.
Using your mobile phone camera - scan the code below and download the Kindle app.
Flip to back Flip to front
Follow the Author
Something went wrong. Please try your request again later.
| Price | New from | Used from |
|
Audible Audiobook, Unabridged
"Please retry" |
$0.00
| Free with your Audible trial | |
|
MP3 CD, Audiobook, MP3 Audio, Unabridged
"Please retry" | $19.99 | $9.93 |
A transcendent novel of love, loss, and self-discovery by the Wall Street Journal bestselling author of Where the Forest Meets the Stars. | Learn more
Limited-Time Offer
3 Months FREE of Audible Premium Plus. Get this deal
About the author
Follow authors to get new release updates, plus improved recommendations.
