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Ash Ambirge

The Middle Finger Project: Trash Your Imposter Syndrome and Live the Unf*ckwithable Life You Deserve Hardcover – February 11, 2020

by Ash Ambirge (Author)

388 ratings

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Fresh, funny, and fearless, The Middle Finger Project is a point-by-point primer on how to get unstuck, slay imposter syndrome, trust in your own worth and ability, and become a strong, capable, wonderful, weird, brilliant, ballsy, unfuckwithable YOU.

"Don't worry, this isn't a book about God, nor is it a book about Ryan Gosling (second in command). But it is a book about authority and becoming your own." --Ash Ambirge

After a string of dead-end jobs and a death in the family, Ash Ambirge was down to her last $26 and sleeping in a Kmart parking lot when she faced the truth: No one was coming to her rescue. It was up to her to appoint herself. That night led to what eventually became a six-figure freelance career as a sought-after marketing and copywriting consultant, all while sipping coffee from her front porch in Costa Rica.

She then launched The Middle Finger Project, a blog and online course hub, which has provided tens of thousands of young "women who disobey" with the tools and mindset to give everyone else's expectations the finger and get on your own path to happiness, wealth, independence, and adventure.

In her first book, Ash draws on her unconventional personal story to offer a fun, bracing, and occasionally potty-mouthed manifesto for the transformative power of radical self-reliance. Employing the signature wit and wordsmithing she's used to build an avid following, she offers paradigm-shifting advice along the lines of:

  •  The best feeling in the world is knowing who you are and what you're capable of doing.
  •  Life circumstances are not life sentences. If a Scranton girl who grew up in a trailer park can make it, so can you.
  •  What you believe about yourself will either murder your chances or save your life. So why not believe something good?
  •  You don't need a high-ranking job title to be authorized to contribute. You just need to contribute.
  •  Be your own authority. Authority only works as long as you trust that someone smarter than you is making the rules.
  •  The way you become a force is by being the most radically real version of yourself that you can be.
  •  You only have 12 fucks a day to give, so use them wisely.

Print length

304 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Portfolio
Publication date

February 11, 2020
Dimensions

5.8 x 1 x 8.54 inches
ISBN-10

0525540326
ISBN-13

978-0525540328
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Editorial Reviews

Review

Praise for The Middle Finger Project

“I f*cking love a woman who knows what she wants and how to get it—and even better, is willing to share her secrets so we can all get ours too. Ash Ambirge is a whole mood, and trust me: you want to be in it.”
— Sarah Knight, New York Times bestselling author of The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck

“If you don’t believe in yourself, who will? Ash is here to help you see that you have more chances to make a ruckus than you ever thought possible.”
—Seth Godin, author of This Is Marketing

“Every woman who has felt even an iota of dissatisfaction in her life needs to read this book. Ash’s insight and wisdom is a gift to us all.”
—Laura Jane Williams, author of Our Stop

“A voice we must pay attention to, and a must-read for anyone who has never felt good enough (ahem: that’s everyone).”
—Susie Moore, life coach and advice columnist, author of What If It Does Work Out?

“Ash Ambirge is Ryan Gosling-sent proof that you can live life on your own terms, burn up the rule book, and do what lights you up. The Middle Finger Project is the instruction manual for people who don’t read the manual.”
—Matthew Kimberley, author of Get A F*cking Grip

“Ash’s writing might make you quit your job, start a whole new life, and feel braver than you’ve ever felt before.”
—Jamie Varon, founder of Shatterboxx

“A hilarious guidebook to reject the status quo and live your unf*ckwithable life. This is the anti-self-help self-help book you’ll be giving to all your friends.”
—Amber Rae, author of Choose Wonder Over Worry

“Who the F says you have to be a good girl, ask permission, pay your dues, punch in, clock out, stick with one hair color, live the kind of life where a beanbag is ‘company culture,’ and you have to label your yogurt? Whoever says it, Ash Ambirge has a simple reply—and you’ll find yourself raising a finger, too.”
—Laura Belgray, author of Talking Shrimp

“Gutsy, bright, and filled with the perfect blend of instruction, inspiration, and irreverence, this book makes you realize that it really is all possible —even for those of us who’ve been knocked around in life, don’t fit the ‘standard mold,’ and truly despise green juice.”
—Jenny Foss, founder and CEO of JobJenny.com; LinkedIn Learning Author

“This book is a reminder that even in our darkest hours we can be resourceful and courageous. Ash reminds us that we are worthy of so much and stronger than we know. Everyone who reads this will be better for it.”
—Cathy Heller, author of Don’t Keep Your Day Job

“This funny and fabulously insightful book is f*cking gold—a must-read for any woman who is ready to stop playing small in life.”
—Noor Hibbert, life and business coach; author of Just F*cking Do It

"Internet entrepreneur Ambirge lays out a manifesto for unapologetic, no-holds-barred living in this entertaining debut memoir-cum-guide aimed at young women. Growing up in a trailer park in rural Pennsylvania, Ambirge dreamed of a stable, middle-class lifestyle. But after a series of misfortunes, including an abusive relationship and a death in the family, Ambirge found herself in a K-Mart parking lot, alone, homeless, and wondering what all her aspirations amounted to. The low moment forced Ambirge to find an inner strength that catapulted her over the year that follows, from sleeping in her car to getting a job in advertising to running her own successful online media company. Ambirge writes about her struggles and mistakes with candor and sharp humor, heightening the appeal of her call for “radical self-reliance,” which amounts to confidence in pursuing one’s passions for a living. And along with all the snarky irreverence, Ambirge gives a wealth of advice on entrepreneurship, including tips on battling perfectionism, negotiating, and selling ideas. Ambirge’s blunt tone and helpful advice will appeal to any woman looking to shrug off a dreary, conventional career for a life of adventure, passion, and happiness."
—Publisher's Weekly

About the Author

Ash Ambirge is an internet entrepreneur, creative writer, speaker and advocate for women being brave & doing disobedient things with their careers and their lives. She is the author of The Middle Finger Project®, which is both the name of her hallmark lifestyle blog as well the title of her forthcoming book. Her voice has been called, "the most memorable on the Internet," "original in a world with too little of it," "not safe for work at all," and also, "really kinda sweary," which is definitely her favorite description. She splits her time between Philadelphia, PA, and traveling the world.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Chapter 1

The Rules Were Made Up by Some Guy Named Ted Who Ate a Quarter Pounder for Lunch and Has a Dog Named Wedgie

Or: Surprise! Nobody Actually Knows What They’re Doing

GOD.

*puffs on cigar*

Now there’s a fun-filled topic. If we were really ambitious, we’d just dive right into the most controversial subject imaginable, given that this book contains all sorts of controversial ideas and it doesn’t get any more polite from here. (Now might be a good time to fetch the vodka . . . and maybe a defibrillator.)

Don’t worry, this isn’t a book about God, nor is it a book about Ryan Reynolds—second in command. But it is a book about authority and becoming your own. It’s not always easy to “follow your dreams”— —and ride off on a magical flying carpet made of SweetTarts and sugarplum fairies. It’s not easy to trust yourself radically, or make bold choices that other people will not agree with, or “live life on your own terms.” It’s not easy to roll up and be all, “Yayyyyyyy, I’m going to quit my job and be an artist!” or “Yayyyyyy, I’m going to open my own bookshop!” or “Yayyyyyy, I’m going to skip around the Swiss Alps and make cheese in a loincloth and yodel in the afternoons and tell my overbearing sister to shove it!” Even in an age when all of these options are more available to us than ever, most of us are basically just drifting along, trying not to get cancer. But even when we do dare break the mold and try something new, the world throws some serious side-eye.

Who does she think she is?

It won’t last.

This is just another one of her “big ideas.”

In response to the world’s censure, we shrink. We second-guess ourselves. And we secretly wonder if maybe they are right. Maybe we should “play it safe” and “bide our time” and “be grateful for what we’ve got”—which, by the way, happens to be some of the world’s worst advice. Being grateful for what we’ve got is why so many of us end up staying in dead-end jobs that have us licking envelopes inside a dimly lit, six-person office in suburban Philadelphia (been there); why so many women end up staying in relationships they don’t want to be in (ugh); why so many of us end up living lives that feel stale and dull and dreary and uninspiring (mmm-hmmm); and why so many people end up resenting their every minute from the hours of nine to five, being mean to call center agents and rolling their eyes at babies and fantasizing about being hit by a tractor trailer and rushed to the hospital so they don’t have to keep doing this crap. (That was me, once upon a time.)

We’re all trying SO HARD to be these levelheaded, responsible, card-carrying grown-ups that we trade in our sense of adventure and curiosity and wonder and creativity in exchange for what we think is a secure and reliable future, assuming that the more constipated your face looks, the more seriously you’ll be taken. Now that I’m wearing this sensible pair of pantyhose, everything is going to be JUST FINE.

Back in the day when I was still a Very Good Girl™, I wore those same pantyhose and drank milk and never talked back to authority. In fact, I loved authority. What took me a lifetime to discover, though, is that authority only works as long as you trust that someone smarter than you is making the rules.

Take my first boss, for example. I worshipped the guy. I was young and hungry and he was supportive and encouraging and kind. When he spoke, it felt like I was receiving advice from the Dalai Lama. When he handed me my paycheck, he made me feel as if I’d just earned a gold medal. When I called in sick, he’d call and ask if I wanted soup. (I mean, it was probably from a can, but same same.)

Then, one day, I walked in and saw my coworker straddling his lap.

I ran out of the room as if I’d just seen a ghost. I knew that he was married with a wife and kids who all went to church and ate their Wheaties. But even more shocking, when I confided in my other coworker about what I’d seen, she fell to pieces. Turns out, she had also been having an affair with our boss . . . for years.

I KNOW: I’m hardly the first woman to discover that some guy who seemed so nice was actually The Duke of Douches in his personal life. Still, it was a defining moment for me, and soon I realized that maybe adults weren’t these profound, all-knowing wizards after all. Maybe they weren’t these supremely wise, enlightened beings. And maybe their opinions about life, and what I should be doing with mine, were—dare I say it—fallible.

Over time it became overwhelmingly clear: everyone really was just making it up as they went along. (A mentor who pronounced “Sci-Fi” like “Sky-Fi” quickly cemented this notion.) The realization that no one actually knew what they were doing was terrifying—you take out a mortgage for thirty years; no, you!—but it also emboldened me: if the rules were made up by some dude named Ted who had a Quarter Pounder for lunch and a dog named Wedgie, then they didn’t really hold that much weight, did they? Who says my résumé needs to be kept to one page? Who says sitting at a desk for eight hours is the responsible thing to do? Who says happiness comes from settling down with a “nice young man” with a decent golf swing and a “good-paying job”?

Not that good-paying jobs aren’t delicious. They’re extra delicious. But I couldn’t help but feel like there had to be so much more to life than a 401(k) and a crockpot full of ham.

The truth is, I had always imagined that there was this high-and-mighty Committee of True and Actual Greatness—the universal “they,” if you will—bestowing us all with this series of carefully crafted guidelines according to what was best for humanity. Like the USDA, when they tell you to eat your greens, I had always just assumed that the collective wisdom was actually wise, and that more experience on this planet automatically equaled more knowledge. I assumed that “they” were hard at work advocating for the greater good. But as it would take me great pains to discover: there isn’t anybody out there advocating for you. Your own happiness is sold separately. And there’s no such thing as The Committee of True and Actual Greatness (or even a guy with a dog named Wedgie): it’s up to you to become your own.

As it turns out? Radical self-reliance changed everything for me. I went from being a lost and confused stray—the queen of late cell phone bills, uncertain about everything, flighty with my every move, trying real hard just to make a grilled cheese, perpetually consumed by a dumpster-full of existential angst, and (eventually) even landing myself sleeping in a Kmart parking lot—to learning how to trust in my own voice, say “screw it” to anything that didn’t resonate, believe that my own ideas were actually valid—even if they were drastically different from everyone else’s—have the courage to let my passions guide the way, start my own creative writing company, design my life the way I wanted to (which included choosing not to have kids or a goldfish or even an address in the United States), travel the world, and give the middle finger to so many of the normal ideals and expectations that society markets to us as good.

As a result, I ended up inventing an all-new kind of job for myself that previously didn’t exist as the founder of a kick- ass unconventional company—also lovingly called The Middle Finger Project—that runs purely on my creativity, lets me be myself, allows me to have fun with my work, gives me the freedom to travel where I want, allows me control over the way I spend my time, and earns me a weirdly obscene amount of money (don’t worry, I haven’t been responsible with it). I don’t have to beg for time off to go to the gyno, don’t have to pretend to listen in on conference calls with China, and don’t have to label my yogurts the way I labeled my childhood diaries: “Property of Ash, open and DIE.”

By learning to become radically self-reliant, I custom-made my own role instead of being forced to retrofit myself into someone else’s idea of what “work” should look like. Because if all of us are just making it up as we go along anyway, we might as well have a good time with it, right?

I am grateful to say that I finally feel as if I’ve stepped into the most unfuckwithable version of myself as a woman who actually enjoys her life, so long as Keeping Up with the Kardashians isn’t on TV anywhere nearby, and lives a much different version of it than most people. And what’s neat about that is in the decade and some odd years since, I haven’t looked back. That’s kind of a record for me, since I used to question every decision I ever made.

The way I got here, however, was not by dutifully obeying the rules—I got here by disobeying them instead. And THAT is what this book is about. Unlike the rah-rah, powder-puff brand of cheerleading you might think of when you hear the mildly mortifying term “self-help” (don’t worry, we can just call this: HELP), this book is intended to be a bad influence. But a bad influence in the best way. Because the argument here is simple:

Radical self-reliance comes from following your most dangerous ideas.

It comes from making the dangerous choice, not because it is dangerous, but because it is big. Too many of the choices we make are small and safe, because that’s what we’ve been taught to do. But by putting stock in your most dangerous ideas, you’ll do far bigger things than you would ever do otherwise. And isn’t that the point? To live a life that you aren’t embarrassed by?

My promise to you is this: There will be no safe advice. There will be no cutesy adages. There will be no whitewashed Instagram images of me holding a golden retriever. There will be no “ten minutes a day to gratitude.” There will be no instructions to drink more water. And there will certainly not be any mindfulness meditations.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Portfolio (February 11, 2020)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 304 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0525540326
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0525540328
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 14.4 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.8 x 1 x 8.54 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #242,923 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #1,729 in Entrepreneurship (Books)
- #3,460 in Success Self-Help
- #5,462 in Motivational Self-Help (Books)

Customer Reviews:
388 ratings

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4.6 out of 5

388 global ratings

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Nancy

Makes you want to get up and do something awesome.

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on March 15, 2020

Verified Purchase

WARNING: Don't read this book if you want to sit around eating Bon-Bons. It will fire you up and make you want to change the whole f*ing world, even if you woke up in the morning barely able to change your underwear.

When the Middle Finger Project arrived, I was ill on the couch, contemplating the ceiling fan as if it could unlock the Secret of Life. I'd been there for the better part of three years. It's a long story I'd rather have a root canal than lay on you, but suffice it to say, when Ash's book arrived, I felt not so much like I was dying, but that I already had. And that my work and my own book—which I'd been so Ash-like ON FIRE about and so close to launching before all hell broke loose in my body—had gone with me.

It's very hard to read when you're dead.

But I...Walked. All. The. Way. Across. the room, picked up The Middle Finger Project, and started reading.

Page by page, Ash hugged me with one arm and smacked me upside the head with the other, in all the right ways. Page by page, she said (yelled, snorted, whispered), "You can do it." "You better f*ing do it, Little Missy." "Look what I did...you know, it hasn't been a basket of f*ing roses for me, either." I laughed. I cried. I even changed out of my pajamas.

Page by page, fresh ideas about my own work popped like hot-buttered popcorn, activated by Ash's fresh ideas. Oh my! An IDEA! I remember those! How delightful! Page by page, I was inspired by the power of resiliency, self-reliance, grit, persistence, and creativity TMFP contained, but it wasn't because Ash wrote about those things. No, I was inspired by those things because that's who Ash IS.

And that's when I remembered: that's who I am, too. And THAT chick CAN change the f*ing world. The one here watching the ceiling fan? She's not dying. She's just regrouping. Today, my underwear. Tomorrow, the world!

Yeah, it's like that. If you want to stay uninspired, doubtful, and afraid to be your best, badass self, do not read this book. If, on the other hand, you want (or need) a reminder to BRING IT, BIOTCH, get the book and let Ash do that for you. Sometimes, all we need is someone who's flipped convention a joyous bird and done her thing without apology to remind us we can do the same.

3 people found this helpful

Helpful

Michelle Mansfield

Raw voice but same ok same ol

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on May 16, 2020

Verified Purchase

The writing was fun with this one - there were definitely times my interest was peaked and I looked forward to the next paragraph. I love that Ash is honest, genuine and authentic with her writing as well. There were moments I laughed and moments I said “Whoa!”

I am a professional personal development “junkie” and have read a slew of books... and have grown tired of the same old same old information but in someone else’s “voice” and version of it. So when someone said, “Oh THIS one is different, she will actually TELL you what to do. That was her point in writing this book!” I got excited and bought it during presale.

I will say I was disappointed that this was another “I had a shitty life, and look what I’ve done” book. Although I did sympathize with what she went through, especially losing her father and mother at such a young age (I cannot imagine), it still didn’t hook me on how this could relate to my life. I realized with this book, and many I’ve read, is that I’m reading books from the wrong people for ME. I’m a mother active with raising my daughter so for me to read a professional personal development book by a woman who has no children and whose sole responsibility is herself isn’t my book. I can’t relate.

I am bored with the do whatever it takes books- where it feels you need to give 110% or it won’t work. When I read that Ash originally worked from the moment the sun rises to 9pm, her relationships suffered bc of it, her health suffered, and then she had to go to a month long expensive retreat to realize what her life needs to be... I can’t relate. If it’s fiction, I don’t need to relate and can flow with the story and enjoy being lost in someone else’s interesting life. But for me, a personal development book has to relate in some way.

I wish there were actual tools here versus the same old “here is my shitty situation, and I didn’t let it stop me!” stories. Yes, I’m amazed how she has come so far with her history and challenges. I will always applaud that. But for me to value the content of a “this is how to” book, I can’t go through every chapter asking,

“OK, so how does the average woman actually GET there?”

This is another book where I found the same inspirations, revelations, needs, and basic tips that every other book out there has. I don’t think some of these writers even realize how they are just regurgitating the same stuff. It happens all the time.

If you have the time and want some laughs, a very raw and real voice, and yes and interesting life story, it’s not a waste of time. If you are young, ready to hit the pavement and need some inspiration and have nothing but yourself to look out for, then read it. If you are down in your luck in a gutter and need a kick in the ass, then read it. I will say I never view a book as a waste of time - I can always pull a few takeaways from one.

However, if you’re a mother that only has 9-2 M-F and you’re looking for a realistic inspiration to be inspired to follow some passions and goals, this may not be the author for you.

52 people found this helpful

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MSimon

Amazeballs in detail

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on March 10, 2020

Verified Purchase

I have put a tremendous amount of thought into this review from the time I ordered the MFP all the way until I read every word cover to cover (even the quaint metallic AA under the cover stamped on the book and the speakeasy chapters). I will admit I know Ash and we graduated yearrrsss ago together so there are some biases in my review. First of all there’s a few items to cover the basics.

1. You don’t need have a vagina to appreciate the power of the message. Danglers alike will relate.
2. If you know or have even crossed the “Ash path” you will read this in her voice and her energy will explode at every word. I am now a speed reader. Thanks Ash!
3. I need to hear the audio book version because it’s guaranteed to be hilarious.
4. I call straight BS that the drink won’t be a Long Island. $2 Pitchers on Tuesdays (or was it Thursday?) prove this from past experience.

Final Review:

This is an amazing work of art that will lead you into an eternal Q&A about what you should really be seeking in your life. You will likely leave the final virtual Speakeasy with a wicked life hangover and full of emotions and doubt of all your life decisions.... the odd thing is it will feel so RIGHT!!! And to those that follow this path: I look forward to see your greatness.

To Ash: May you keep keeping on and being the inspiration the world deserves. Your reach will always be longer than you’ll ever be able to imagine. I hope we can cross paths again and have one more LI together (or 3). You truly are an impact to all that are lucky enough to have met you or will meet you.

To all the doubters, negative Nancy’s, Neysayers, and the progressively blind. Here are 2 Middle Fingers!!

2 people found this helpful

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Top reviews from other countries

Suse

THE book that pushes you into head office with your resignation letter in your teeth...

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on March 3, 2020

Verified Purchase

This is a Titan of a book.
Unputdownable.
The kind of book you start to grieve for finishing when you realise you only have a couple of chapters left.
I was going hoard it and ration the last chapters. Then I realised how un middle-finger-project that would be so I stayed up to finish it. Then lay awake smiling like a woman with dangerous ideas.
A week later, I'm still smiling.

This book is sublime. It makes the notion of raising a defiant middle finger to other people's rules make perfect sense.

Here's what I love:

Very precise and un-coy use of words. Decidedly NOT languishing in the inarticulate cliches that fog much of the discourse in the personal development sphere. This book feels so meaningful to me and I suspect would feel meaningful for every woman who is less than delighted with her job. The book has already had significant impact on my whole way of being and approach to my own creative business. Ambirge's powerful writing voice is a thumping banner of liberation. Her ideas run counter to conventional thought. This book asks us to question the outdated modes of being that keep us feeling feel so caged. Ambirge ignites many more questions about 'the way things are' and the way we might be allowing ourselves to live.

This book doesn't simply talk about using uniqueness as an asset, the author's very unconventional and brilliant life-project demonstrates that those damped down ideas we keep within us about 'the life I want instead', can be dragged out by the hair and CPRed into reality.

Ambirge establishes a platinum standard of author-integrity with this book because she does not step back or disclaim at the end. Rather, she invites women to a practical riot of leaving their unhappy jobs to go after the life they actually want.

Ambirge is a class act and truly a 'whole mood' you want to be in...
(YES, BUY THIS BOOK and sign up to the excellent TMFP emails)

2 people found this helpful

Ashley Yue

One of the best reads in 2020

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on March 8, 2020

Verified Purchase

I’ve been following Ash on her blog The Middle Project for a few years now and she did a killer job with her first book debut!
True to her style, Ash tells the story of how she went from being completely broke, slept in her car to running her own business that allows her the freedom and lifestyle that she wants. This book challenges the readers to think beyond the box, take risks and believe in themselves, and so much more than that. I love her sense of humour and her unfuckable attitude. Thanks again for giving the world your gift again Ash Ambirge!

2 people found this helpful

Luz

Ash gives us hope to all women around the world who have dreams and are ready to work for them

Reviewed in Mexico 🇲🇽 on April 4, 2020

Verified Purchase

As a woman in my forties, who has been living an obedient life. The Middle Finger just became my manifesto to change that, believe in my unique self and keep forward with my dreams even if no one else believes in them but myself. Thanks so much Ash for changing the way we can view ourselves even if we come from judged and belittled places and circumstances. Hope to have that glass of wine with you one day 👏🏻💕😘

Yulia

Inspiring

Reviewed in Spain 🇪🇸 on August 20, 2021

Verified Purchase

90% of this book is for inspiration. The author shares some very touching and very personal stories. But it doesn't contain many business advices as I expected. Those few ones are good so. Generally I liked it.

Mainzer Palme

The kick up the bum you need to get started

Reviewed in Germany 🇩🇪 on January 1, 2021

Verified Purchase

I've already started my own business. 3 years ago. No, it's not successful. Why not? Because I didn't have this book to give me the much needed kick up the arse! Thanks Ash!

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Buy new:

$24.99

FREE delivery: Friday, Feb 10 on orders over $25.00 shipped by Amazon.

Ships from: Amazon.com

Sold by: Amazon.com

Buy Used:

$16.06