The Mirror Effect: More Than Soul Mates; 6 Steps to Finding Your Magical Match Using Online Dating Paperback – May 28, 2013
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Eve Eschner Hogan, author ofVirtual Foreplay: Making Your Online Relationship a Real-Life Success
From the Inside Flap
A billion dollars in subscriptions, 1500 dating sites, 20 million profiles all sounding exactly the same, 250 questions to complete the sign-up, and in the middle of it all is me (and you) looking for love. How does anyone actually succeed with this online dating thing? The book you hold in your hands reveals how Troy succeededhow he came to chuck their billion dollar algorithms, find Judy, his Magical Match, and discover the Mirror Effect.
Built on the premise that couples who are highly alike enjoy a rare, extraordinary deeper connection, the Mirror Effect leads to compelling dates, profound love, and ultimately a relationship beyond imagination. In clear, entertaining language, this engaging book explains the Mirror Relationship and provides a simple, tangible 6-step process that guides you to finally meet your Magical Match.
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Very early in the book, the author introduces the concept of "Twin Souls" and makes no effort to prove the validity of the idea. He simply depends on his own intuitive feeling for the validity of his claim. Yet, he is trying to say that this method does not depend on "feelings" or "hormones." This is a common problem where you depend only on reason and do not subject an idea to rigorous and reproducible testing. So the logical argument exists a bulwark for a fundamentally intuitive (and unproven) concept.
There is a lot in the book which is reasonable advice. Statements like "be vulnerable" are great and perfectly in line with current research based conclusions about relationships. However, the overall mask of the "magic match" means that if you follow all his advice and it doesn't work then it obviously not a "magic match." That's a case of circular logic.
It's so hard to untangle the useful information from the basic flawed premise of the book. There is so many better books to read. This is a quick read, but why bother?
I found Do Gentlemen Really Prefer Blondes?: Bodies, Behavior, and Brains--The Science Behind Sex, Love, & Attraction a much more useful book. I appreciated Jena Pincott's efforts to help you understand how we've come to understand a particular facet of dating and relationship based on solid research.
Beneath the new name of the Mirror Effect is a simple concept - that the dating world has changed and with the advent of the Internet you can now filter through thousands of potential matches looking for the very few who match ("mirror") who you really are. This is not arrogance, it is practicality. The method in the book actually works best when the other people are doing the same thing - working systematically to find a great match rather than working hurriedly to find a date who shares a love of sushi or Sauvignon Blanc.
The Mirror Effect portrays the author's own journey of discovery and application of this concept and provides a structured way to create an online profile designed to help people who truly match you to locate you and help those who do not match you to realize that you are not the one for them. The author then goes on to explore how to relate to a mirror to determine if that person is really a magical match or a near miss. Note that the author postulates (and I agree) that the old saying "opposites attract" is wrong. The idea of a mirror is that the person is very like you, like your own reflection in the mirror. Someone who will think like you and finish your sentences, someone who will make decisions like you and want a life like you want. If you disagree with this idea, the Mirror Effect is not for you.
Finally, I want to acknowledge what another reviewer said. The book is based on the author's personal experience and that of a small number of others. It is not based on a study and it does have the potential bias that this is how he found true love, so of course he thinks it is the right approach. These are real drawbacks. However, I think that the short book is worth reading because dating has changed. It is no longer who you can meet in your office, your school, your church, our the local bar. Instead, you can set out to find the right person from thousands of people who are also looking for a match like you. For this reasons, despite the limitations of the data I think the book is time and money well spent and rate it four stars.