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The Modern Lover: A Playbook for Suitors, Spouses & Ringless Carousers Paperback – October 1, 2004

4.2 out of 5 stars 17 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Men’s Health columnists Mollod and Tesauro want to raise the word "lover" to a broad respectability that connotes all the steps of the male-female relationship, from courtship through marriage and even fatherhood. This "twenty-something whistle-stop tour of amorous experiences" is thus a complement to their previous book, The Modern Gentleman. Despite the gentlemanly pretense, though, things aren’t off-puttingly proper. The authors believe in wild oats and are full of advice for sowing them: comparing women to wines, for instance, they suggest trying "the mellowness of experience" as well as the "exuberance of youth," and the pleasures of oral sex are not neglected. The writing is generally a bit heavy on food metaphors—lots of tenderloin, dry fruit and even Campbell’s soup (the quickie, which is highly recommended)—and rather too dense with metaphor in general. Furthermore, the sex tips can be more atmospheric than technically explicit. But young bachelors in search of mores rather than morals will find some playful and even sound advice here. A warning to women who want to peek: this book is definitely for men only: you may not like finding yourself referred to as a "between-meal snack" (no matter how "tasty") or stereotyped as the "flamboyant butterfly" or the "firestarter."
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.


“If Miss Manners wrote for modern guys and had a pierced nipple, this would be the result. It's completely hysterical and shockingly useful.” —Augusten Burroughs, Entertainment Weekly“Packed with information, frank, splashed with drink recipes, helpfully indexed and infused with joie de vivre, this guide outlines how to engage in genteel debauchery and remain a decent chap.” —The Tennessean

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 320 pages
  • Publisher: Ten Speed Press (October 1, 2004)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1580086012
  • ISBN-13: 978-1580086011
  • Product Dimensions: 5.1 x 0.9 x 7.1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (17 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,672,398 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
Finally, there are men on the relationship scene who can talk about the ins and outs of more than just the ol' in-n-out. I've never read anything so meaningful--and, frankly, hysterical--on P'Whipped partners or Living in Sin. These guys skip the usual crap on playiing games in romance and get right down to the foundations and funnies of love's nuances. The chapter on weddings is absolutely the best thing written on modern nuptials and without a doubt captures all that's wrong with by-the-book, cookie-cutter weddings that most everyone falls victim to without Bohemian sensibilities or matured tastes to mitigate parental influence.

The writing is exceptional. In fact, I first read about the authors in Writer's Digest. As a married woman and mother, I especially appreciate the tips on long-term love that you'll never find in some Idiot's Guide to a Happy Marriage or one of those sappy fall-in-love-every-day books. They even got the childbirth parts dead on.

Metrosexuals are all the rage, but who knew MetroDads were in vogue?? Way to go. Ladies, these men have learned something and they'll tell the other boys what to do with a spoonful of humor that makes the medicine go down.
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Format: Paperback
The authors of The Modern Gentleman have penned another great book for the ever (hopefully) evolving man. The Modern Lover offers insight into the male psyche as well as copious advice and behavorial guidelines. There are plenty of trite "gift books" that find a permanent home wedged behind the toilet and the wall, for occasional one-liners and "how to's"; not very helpful.

It wasn't until The Modern Gentleman was published that I finally found a book with some meat in it, something I could offer to my up and coming brother that would truly help him polish his social and cultural skills. The Modern Lover is the perfect follow up. Having covered the basics of dating in the first book, TML digs deeper into the complexities of a maturing relationship, starting with how to recognize when the chemistry is there. (I think the authors presume a certain level of intelligence among their readers, and honestly ladies, isn't that what you want in a man? For the beau with a growing intellect there is plenty of inspriration to enlighten oneself.)

As a married woman, I really appreciate the section on Toys and Tolerances. It offers some fun and naughty suggestions for adding some spice to the bedroom, in turn strenghtening the marital bond, which the authors cleverly refer to as the "We Cycle". As a mother, one of my favorite sections is New Dad. Tesauro and Mollod offer very honest info on what the "First 100 Days" are like and how to be sensitive to the new mother's needs while taking care of himself. It's a scary but managable time and great that a (prospective) father can get some straightforward insight from another man.

All in all, I loved this book and think it's just as good a read for women as it is for men. The authors cover a lot of topics, so many different types of relationships and inspire the reader to be a more "Evolved Bachelor", all the while maintaining his personal style. The charts, graphs and illustrations are fun too.
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Format: Paperback
When I saw in Newsweek that Tesauro and Mollod had come out with a new book I went right out to the bookstore. I own their first book, The Modern Gentleman, and it continues to provide a manner pick-me-up years later, so I couldn't wait to pick The Modern Lover.

In their new book, the authors pick up where they left off. Dating, wooing and filling your head with jazz and literature and a touch of vice was handled in the first book, now this is the stuff you need to know now that you've landed a semi-serious mate. They start with a witty description of "One-Night Stands" - everything from the memorable ones to those better left out of the memory box. They cover the ins and outs of Valentine's Day and dating someone out of your age bracket. They also touch on the ever enjoyable phrase p-whipped - the syndrome when one is so infatuated with a lover that you sacrifice your own wants and needs leading even your best friends to mock you.

As the book evolves, so does the relationship as they delve into more serious matters like living in sin, infidelity and a night on the couch. Througout the book they use similar stimulating graphics like those in the Modern Gentleman as in the section on compatability - determining if the person you are with is really the right one for you. They then touch on proposals, engagements, weddings and they even have a section for ringless carousers - those in a committed relationship who never legalize it. Thrown in are the original sections akin to the Modern Gentleman--Daddy Detox, The Brady Bunch Factor, The Red House, not to mention a list of essential modern cookbooks--I have already dogeared that page for future reference.
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Format: Paperback
Somebody once told me that the most important sex organ is the brain. Read this book and improve your most important sex organ by at least a few inches.

Sister Mary Frances would have smacked you upside the head as she confiscated this book from you. But she would have left the convent once she flipped through the pages and saw what she was missing.

Let's face it. You probably have more to learn about love. This book encourages you to take an honest look at your past so that you can be the lover you were born to be. The world needs more love. Are you ready to do your part? If so, buy this book, get with the program, and put the Viagra back on the shelf.
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