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"Mom, Jason's Breathing on Me!": The Solution to Sibling Bickering Paperback – August 26, 2003
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From Publishers Weekly
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved
Top Customer Reviews
Its advice IS somewhat counter-intuitive. For example Dr. Wolf explains why if your daughter Sally is sitting on her brother's back slugging him (but not really harming him) you should NEVER say: "Hey Sally stop it".
He points out that it is just as effective to say: "Hey, the TWO of you, cut that out." He shows why this statement is much less likely to lead to the annoying protestations that Sally would otherwise make (like "he hit me first.") And how not "taking sides" will significantly reduce sibling fighting.
We have always used Dr. Wolf's methods with our kids (they are explained in less detail in his other books.) A friend recently asked me how come my kids got along so much better than hers. I suggested she read this book. She called me two weeks later to say that the book had changed her whole family's life.
Oh, and its also VERY, VERY Funny!
1. It's simple. You don't have to remember exactly what to say or use precise techniques. You just have to remember the philosophy: be loving but don't get involved in the fights.
2. It's kind. I really dislike parenting books that recommend that you be detached or unpleasant with your kids. Although Dr. Wolf recommends not getting involved in fights, he does recommend offering love and sympathy when the kids feel upset.
3. My kids love it. My older child actually told me that he's relieved that I refuse to take sides any more. He said that I was wrong about who's fault things were "at least 50% of the time."
4. Not getting involved in other people's fights is a good moral value to role-model for the kids.
5. I feel less exhausted when the kids fight. I don't feel a responsibility to be involved--and so I don't feel irritated with them. When the bickering itself becomes irritating, I follow Wolf's advice and separate them.
6. The kids are fighting a lot less! Knowing that they will have to work out their own disagreements has made them more likely to compromise before a fight begins.
7. When they do fight, they make up much faster. The emotional impact of bickering is less when a parent isn't called in to judge right or wrong, good or bad, and punishment or reprieve.
8. My younger child is learning to stand up for herself.
9. My older child is learning not to push too far.
10. Both kids are learning how to solve fights by listening to each other, compromising, and/or just letting things go.Read more ›
I have been trying to follow "Siblings Without Rivalry" but have trouble coming up with the right things to say. This method sounds a lot less complicated and easy to implement.
As for the language - I find it amusing that a person can open a book, look at a few pages and decide that the author has no morals. If this person had actually READ the book, they might have noticed that there is a lot said about raising your children with solid values and integrity. The only problem I really have with him using the "f" word is that it turns off people who could really use this book. I don't allow my kids to speak like that but don't see why the author using it to show how some kids act is a big deal. I cringed when I read it because I knew that, like The Catcher in the Rye, many people would ignore the other thousands of words in the book and focus on only that one.
Maybe it is the author's litmus test - if you're so judgmental that you would discount an entire method of child-rearing without even looking into it based on one word the author uses in dialogue in the book (he uses it in quotes when one person is speaking to another), then maybe he doesn't think you could use the method properly since most of it is about being a non-judging adult. Hmmm?
This is a great companion book to my favorite sibling book, "Siblings without Rivalry". They're both worth having. Read them, apply them, and get ready for more peace and quiet!
Most Recent Customer Reviews
This is the one parenting book (of a LOT of books I've read in the last seven years) that has really changed in a great way our family life with a 4 and 7 year old. Read morePublished 3 months ago by Cynthia Ferebee
Something is wrong with my book's binding because the pages are all perforated and all of them are falling out as I read!Published 8 months ago by Ss
Highly recommend this book for every parent of two or more kids! Absolute game-changer.Published 13 months ago by Nadezhda Rubina
I read the first 10 pages of this book and I knew I was holding a miracle in my hands. I have now tested the author's advice and it works - instantly! Read morePublished 14 months ago by Laura E. Vaught
The book resolves the problems presented in the title. Love it!Published 20 months ago by awhytemare
My husband and I are newly married and bring children from previous marriages into the mix. The two youngest bicker and fight constantly, which has been a source of contention... Read morePublished on February 4, 2014 by Lisa Atkins
I generally want the pamphlet version of parenting books, you know, the "6 things you will learn in this book, boiled down to the complete minimum cause I have 5 minutes to read,... Read morePublished on June 5, 2013 by P. Repp
I much preferred "Siblings Without Rivalry" as a helpful resource for sibling bickering.
This author's approach is much too hands-off, basically taking a stance of not... Read more
The author knows that in his family sibling rivalry is just a bid for parental attention. Once the kids are no longer rewarded with parental attention when they fight, the fighting... Read morePublished on May 30, 2011 by David Annis