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Monkey in a Pink Canoe Paperback – April 21, 2014
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Top customer reviews
Monkey in a Pink Canoe is a non-fiction book of short stories. I wasn’t exactly sure of what this book of short stories would entail so I approached it with an open mind. It is a light read. I found some of the stories funny and were just okay. It is sometimes to look at things from someone else’s point of view or to hear their situational stories. That is exactly what you get from this book. I liked the book. I didn’t think it was anything extraordinary, but if you read it without expecting it to be something it isn’t then it is a pretty good collection.
I rated this book 3 stars. I would recommend it as a non-fiction humorous book.
This review, or links to this review, may also be found on my profile pages as follows:
To many, there are subjects where they would think, yes I get it...been there! It certainty holds no punches but seeps under the skin of reality - with a laugh.
Something to make you smile and think.
Allen Smith has been taking the back roads to story-telling for a lot of years. His latest book is no different. What do you do risk in reading "Monkey in a Pink Canoe" is discovering an author that writes like you think and, that of course, would mean there are two of you out there!!
Allen goes through life, makes note of a funny idea or concept and the, when he has enough to fill the spaces, takes us on another journey through his mind. His style isn't for everyone, but if you liked "Watching Grandma Circle the Drain", you'll love "Monkey in a Pink Canoe!"
UNIFORMS ARE RANK (after discussing his entry into the military Smith proposes the following uses in civilian life: `To help everyone understand your background and expertise, you'd probably wear an insignia on your shoulder: stay at home moms would sport a picture of a station wagon crammed with screaming kids. People in the world of finance would display a broken dollar sign. Teachers would wear a bullwhip and hookers might flaunt a used condom. The richest and most significant people in the country like Bill Gates, Warren Buffett and Christy Walton would naturally wear gold shoulder boards and epaulettes with bullion fringe. People with management jobs would wear gold braided Citation Shoulder Cords and have the freedom to choose whatever headgear they wished from berets to campaign hats (known to many as "Smokey the Bear" hats), Jäger corps, Glengarry, Coonskin, Bearskin, Russian Military, Bicorne hats or a Pope's Mitre. For special occasions, it's likely everyone--from the lowliest enlisted man to the highest Admiral--would cast away their work uniforms for their dress attire that included white leggings, red sashes worn diagonally across the chest and possibly a Fez or Turban. Oh, and a sword.'
BETTER LIVING THROUGH DRUG ADDICTION
`I'm hopelessly addicted to drugs. You name a pill, syrup, lotion, cream, antacid, vitamin, tranquilizer, hormone, douche or suppository and I've not only taken it, but I've abused it, largely because I have an addictive personality. Anything worth taking is worth taking a lot. In all fairness, I can't assume the blame for my wayward behavior. It began the day I popped out of my mother's womb when the pediatric nurses started basting me with petroleum jelly and baby lotion like I was a Thanksgiving turkey. In those days, babies were always covered with something. Pediatricians were convinced by the drug companies that it was dangerous for a baby's skin to come in direct contact with the air or sunlight without a protective layer of gook. Then came the decongestant drops and saline nasal sprays they shot up my nose, which would come in handy years later when I got addicted to cocaine. Etc'
MONKEY IN A PINK CANOE
"Where did I come from?" asked Shadrach as we pulled up to his football game at Fleigenbaum Field. Having never been married, I thought I'd be exempt from ever having this discussion with a 6-year-old quarterback, so I never put much thought into what I'd say if asked. Looks like I was going to have to punt. "Well, Shadrach, each month, in one of your mommy's two ovaries, a few immature eggs develop into follicles. The mature follicle releases an egg during ovulation, which turns into the corpus luteum. Progesterone prepares the endometrium in anticipation of the embryo. Then, your daddy's sperm travels up the fallopian tube where it fertilizes your mommy's egg, mixing her X chromosomes with his Y chromosomes to create a zygote and blastocyst. Thanks to Human Chorionic Gonadotrophin, nine months later you were born!" "I just meant what town was I born in?" said Shadrach. "Meshach said it was Toledo, but Abednego thinks it was Cleveland." Etc'
Buy this book and keep it close by after you've been petrified by the newspaper reports of the global condition each morning. It'll help that, too. Allen Smith is hilarious. Let him in before he scoots off to your neighbors. Grady Harp, April 14