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The Monster Under the Bed: Sex, Depression, and the Conversations We Aren't Having by [JoEllen Notte, Stephen Biggs]

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JoEllen Notte

The Monster Under the Bed: Sex, Depression, and the Conversations We Aren't Having Kindle Edition

by JoEllen Notte (Author), Stephen Biggs (Foreword) Format: Kindle Edition

34 ratings

Almost everyone has had some interaction with depression. Whether it's you, a family member, a friend, or a partner who is affected, depression has the potential to touch us all. Even so, many of us don't know how to handle depression becoming part of our love life and it can quickly become the monster under the bed. From "you have to love yourself first," to "don't stick it in the crazy," to dead silence, popular responses to the topic leave much to be desired. But you're not alone and you can have successful relationships and satisfying sex with depression. JoEllen Notte will help you understand how sexual function is affected by depression and what keeps us from effectively addressing it. Heavily informed by the author's research, including surveys of over 1,000 people and interviews with close to 200, this is the first book of its kind. With practical tips and real-life examples, this is both a guidebook for people with depression and the people who love them, as well as a reference tool for mental health professionals.

Print length

265 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Thorntree Press
Publication date

March 27, 2020
File size

1000 KB
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"JoEllen Notte began an important conversation about mental health and sexual health when practically no one was talking about it. She has led the way in expanding public dialogues about the intersection of these very important issues with her thoughtful writing and presentations based on her groundbreaking original research. JoEllen dared to speak about a topic no one else would and has changed the way we think about sex and depression. Her work is, quite simply, invaluable."—Tristan Taormino, sex educator, host of Sex Out Loud Radio, and author of Opening Up

"JoEllen Notte takes taboo subjects, sex and depression, and makes them approachable for anyone ready to take the journey. With her wit, empathy, and knowledge, JoEllen makes it safe to people to explore their deepest pleasures and their biggest fears." —Shadeen Francis, MFT

"JoEllen's work is a true gift to us all. The impact of depression and mental health on sexuality is a vitally urgent topic and JoEllen is bravely and brilliantly leading the conversation. JoEllen's own immense intelligence is matched by her dedication to gathering the stories and data from thousands of people affected by depression. She asks bold questions, gathers compelling research and then offers us effective strategies and resources. I know I am among a legion of sex educators, therapists and wellness professionals ready and eager to recommend JoEllen's upcoming book to our audiences. Her writing is relevant for all of us, but is revolutionary for the millions of us that both struggle with mental wellness and want a vibrant healthy sexuality. Our interview with JoEllen has emerged as one of our most popular and provocative episodes. We still receive emails about it years later, revealing the need and hunger for her work." —Chris Maxwell Rose, sex educator at PleasureMechanics.com

"JoEllen Notte is one of my favorite sex ed writers. I read what she has to say because not only does she tackle two of the most sensitive topics in our culture - sex and depression - but Ms. Notte informs and educates readers using her delicious wit. This makes the tough parts accessible; not easy to do with an often challenging subject. I appreciate the tips, knowledge, and advice she shares and one can easily see she is an expert on the topic." —Lanae St. John, sexologist, author of Raising Sex Smart Kids, TheMamaSutra.net

"JoEllen is making it possible to talk and think about sex and depression in new ways. Depression can affect every aspect of a life, including, perhaps especially, sex. Through her outspoken advocacy, and independent, ground breaking, research, she is shining a light on an issue that affects millions." —Jacq Jones, sex educator, owner of Sugar

"JoEllen has a unique way with words and is able to convey her points in a way that often leaves a lasting 'zing'-in the very best way. She makes an impression and a lasting impact, and she can artfully intertwine snark with candor in a way that facilitates a quick connection with her audience, whether it be in-person or online. JoEllen recently has been tackling, researching, and writing about sex and depression, specifically how to navigate the unpredictability of mental illness while partnered, and is giving millions of people access to a trusted resource who not only understands them, but also wants to help reframe their experiences." —Anne Hodder, ACS, Founder and Lead Educator at Everyone Deserves Sex Education

"JoEllen is, as far as I'm concerned, a leading authority on the intersections between sex and depression. Her work both fascinates me as a sex nerd and comforts me as a depressed person. Not nearly enough people are having the kinds of conversations JoEllen facilitates, so I consider her work vitally important. She makes sex and mental health an accessible, interesting, and thought-provoking topic, whether she's writing thoughtfully on her blog or elucidating cleverly on a panel. Her work makes me feel less alone, and I know I'm far from the only one she's affected in that way." —Kate Sloan, sex journalist, blogger, co-host of The Dildorks podcast

"JoEllen Notte has the courage to talk about the thing that most of us try to sweep out of our writing and lives. She is engaging and passionate, clearly writing from the heart, and showcasing her vulnerability. By focusing on sex and depression, she gives us the opportunity to take a look at ourselves, and how these issues touch every one of us, and realize that having these conversations can help us all." —Cooper Beckett author of My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory and A Life Less Monogamous, host of Life on the Swingset podcast

"Notte gives great advice on how to communicate about your sexual feelings and needs, and the importance of rejecting old beliefs about yourself, your partner, about sex, and about depression in order to create a more satisfying sex life." —Kathy Labriola

"Don’t let the title fool you though. Yes, the book is the intersection of sex and depression, but JoEllen has so many good points to make about depression and general, that I think everyone should read it." —Septimus Reviews

--This text refers to the paperback edition.

About the Author

JoEllen Notte is a certified sex educator, writer, speaker, sexuality researcher, and mental health advocate. She blogs at The Redhead Bedhead and has been published by the BBC, Glamour, Bitch Media, xoJane, and Kinkly.

--This text refers to the paperback edition.

Product details

ASIN : B0831RY3GM
Publisher : Thorntree Press (March 27, 2020)
Publication date : March 27, 2020
Language : English
File size : 1000 KB
Text-to-Speech : Enabled
Screen Reader : Supported
Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
X-Ray : Not Enabled
Word Wise : Enabled
Print length : 265 pages
Page numbers source ISBN : 1944934936
Lending : Enabled

Best Sellers Rank: #516,464 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #221 in Human Sexuality
- #324 in Depression (Kindle Store)
- #1,144 in Depression (Books)

Customer Reviews:
34 ratings

Customer reviews

5 star		81%
4 star		10%
3 star		9%
2 star 0% (0%)		0%
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Top reviews from the United States

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villageac

This is a game changer if you and or your spouse has depression or anxiety

Reviewed in the United States on September 15, 2020

Verified Purchase

George Orwell said "To see what is in front of one’s nose needs a constant struggle.”
I have been married to a depressed, anxious spouse for 30 years - right in front of my nose - and I had NO idea of what that meant - I just assumed my wife's depression was her issue.

This book changed my life. For the first time in my life, I was given a perspective on my relationship with my spouse that years of therapy did not give me. My spouse has depression and anxiety and I had NO understanding of how to live with her. This book got me to understand a simple concept that eluded me sadly for 30 years - that my wife and I are a team AGAINST depression. We need to be on the same team - it's not her and her depression - it's us against depression and anxiety - and I am sad to admit that a very simple reframing gave me access to a mental state that is so much better for our relationship. Joellen also educated me on the concept of shame and guilt that accompany both parties in such a relationship - it was amazing to me, that simply by reading about shame and guilt in Monster - that I saw how much of my life was affected by shame and guilt - which was a vital first step for me to face those feelings head-on. And lastly - Monster's biggest gift was making me aware of how vital partner communication is - and how to develop that communication
This book is SO WELL WRITTEN - it just flows - Joellen's language is clear and her thoughts are easy to follow. I've told so many people I know about this book - this book should be required reading for any relationship where one or both partners have depression or anxiety.

One person found this helpful

Helpful

Diane Waechter

Informative and very helpful

Reviewed in the United States on May 14, 2020

Verified Purchase

I truly enjoyed listening to the author read her book. She brought to light many topics and situations in a very informative and sometimes witty way. You are able to hear the author's conviction and wit throughout the book.
As a parent of a child living with depression for most of her life, there were many suggestions that I wish I had insight to years ago. I feel they would have guided me to the right words and actions through the years.
This book is a must read for anyone! In my mind, it is a helpful guide for all of us, and a book I will be suggesting and passing along to many of my friends, family, and colleagues.

One person found this helpful

Helpful

Jordan

You need this in your life. Here is why...

Reviewed in the United States on November 7, 2020

Verified Purchase

If you or your partner are not depressed, that does not mean that there isn’t a person with depression in your life. This book is an amazing tool to learn how to better communicate with people about their depression, and the steps you can take to help them with it. Every medical professional should read this book to know how to better communicate with their sexually active patients with depression. I’m saving up to buy a few copies for Christmas gifts. I can’t praise this book enough!

Helpful

Gigi D L’Amour

Great book club selection

Reviewed in the United States on July 6, 2020

Verified Purchase

We read this for our book club and the timing could not have been better. Depression is a struggle for many and with the pandemic it makes it harder than ever.
The book was insightful and practical.

Helpful

Kaylie Stokes

Easy to follow and full of resources

Reviewed in the United States on January 31, 2021

Verified Purchase

This is a really fantastic guide to help you better understand the connection between sexuality and mental health. It talks through culture, personal experiences (including the experiences of folks the author interviewed), and practical advice for folks experiencing depression and their partners. I read it all in about 8 hours. It's very well organized and is full of additional resources. I loved this book and assigned it to my book club for their first read!

Helpful

Corey Webb

Helpful for everyone!!

Reviewed in the United States on October 4, 2020

Verified Purchase

This was phenomenal!!! JoEllens writing style is so readable, and digestible. An artful blend of science and real life advice that feels so damn practical and on-target. Loved the personal accounts, and look forward to your next work!

Helpful

Shelly Land

Great book!

Reviewed in the United States on June 22, 2020

Verified Purchase

The author is amazing!!!!! Awesome book.

Helpful

A. McLaughlin

Encouraging and important!

Reviewed in the United States on March 29, 2020

Notte has such a way of making the stigmatized topics of sex and depression approachable and even welcoming. "The Monster Under the Bed" can help you better understand yourself and truly feel that you're not alone while navigating mental health and intimacy challenges. Covering everything from ways (and WHY) to prioritize your health and your pleasure to dealing with "I just can't" spurts and healthcare system trials, this book is a must-have for anyone touched by depression.

Note: I received an advance copy of this book from the publisher prior to an interview I requested and am voluntarily posting this review.

5 people found this helpful

Helpful

Top reviews from other countries

ADA

Fit for America mostly

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 26, 2020

Verified Purchase

The book is mainly about the American mentality and way of life. I did not connect with the author’s perspective on most things because of the American tinted glasses of “no talk about sex”.

Great!

Reviewed in Canada on October 8, 2020

Verified Purchase

Great!

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