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No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice--Instead of Good--Hurts Men, Women and Children Paperback – March 1, 2007

4.2 out of 5 stars 102 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews


"Eldredge gave men permission to be "wild at heart." Coughlin shows us how.... A road map to a larger life." -- David Murrow

"I applaud Paul's important work to help us realize what a real man is all about." -- Dr. Kevin Leman

"I highly recommend this fascinating book. Prepare to be challenged." -- Melissa Parcel, Bookloons

"If the church wants to...handle...rampant divorce and infidelity, Paul has words of wisdom we dare not ignore." -- Dave Meurer

"It's a good read with lots to make you think and possibly reconsider some old stereotypes." -- Bella Online

"It's a picture no one in the church should miss, especially Christian Nice Guys and their wives." -- Marcia Ford, Faithful Reader.com

"Paul Coughlin has written an amazing book that will stir you regardless of your religious background or beliefs." -- Mark Joseph

"This book is about reclaiming biblical masculinity...the journey from nice guy to good guy... embark on the journey." -- Bob Pike CSP, CPAE-Speakers Hall of Fame, Armchair Interviews.com

(Editor's Pick) "Imagine if men took this book to heart...Coughlin calls for a 'good guy rebellion.' Count me in." -- Robert Andrescik, New Man Magazine

Paul pens in 1Cor. 16:13, "act like men." ...What is a man? This book is Coughlin's excellent answer." -- Rev. Emerson Eggerichs Ph.D. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

From the Back Cover

You can live with purpose, meaning, integrity, honesty, love, and faith. It's time to be who you were meant to be.

Tired of seeking other people's approval and how this "disease to please" ruins your life? Fed up with being passive, fearful, and anxious when you wish you were assertive and proactive--the way you see passionate, vital men live? Paul Coughlin unveils a better way with a powerful message that elevates the true biblical model of manhood above the prevailing views of church and culture.

"John Eldredge gave men permission to be 'wild at heart.' Paul Coughlin shows us how to do it. This book is a road map to a larger life."
--Dr Kevin Leman, Bestselling author of The Birth Order Book and Women Who Try Too Hard

"Paul Coughlin is challenging our thinking on what it means to be God's man in the twenty-first century. The apostle Paul pens in 1 Corinthians 16:13, 'Act like men.' That begs the question, What is a man? Coughlin is asking that question. This book is his excellent answer."
--Emerson Eggerichs, Ph.D., Author of Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 224 pages
  • Publisher: Bethany House Publishers (March 1, 2007)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 076420369X
  • ISBN-13: 978-0764203695
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.5 x 8.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (102 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #633,475 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

By Erik Olson VINE VOICE on October 8, 2005
Format: Hardcover
Years ago, I attended a Passion Play put on by a small church. The guy who played Christ walked through the part like an emotionless robot. Later he regretted showing his bare chest during the crucifixion scene, saying that, "I save it for my wife." It's this kind of limp attitude towards Christ and masculinity that "No More Christian Nice Guy" takes a stand against.

The book is an entry into the "Wild At Heart" and "Tender Warrior" segment of the Christian men's genre. It's the author's contention that male believers have fallen prey to passivity, and also follow an emasculated parody of Christ. His strong face-offs against the Pharisees and other confrontational moments are ignored. Instead, today's "gentle Jesus" kind of man shows no emotion and has no backbone. Many believe that it's better to be a "Christian Nice Guy" (CNG) for the sake of "harmonious fellowship." Rebuke is labeled as "unloving," so people are allowed to continue along harmful paths without needed correction. Risks are avoided in favor of "praying about it first," so crucial ministries go unfilled. And Christian men seeking to be equally yoked are labeled as "predators" by sisters who consider dating a swear word.

I've seen the damaging results of the CNG trend in the church as well, and even bought into some of it despite the protests of my conscience. The author, while praising the original goals of the feminist movement, blames it for shaming men into becoming CNGs. Ironically, modern women express dismay at the CNG, and either avoid dating them or regret marrying one. "No More Christian Nice Guy" calls for men to put on the strong masculinity that women find attractive, but leave behind the macho and chauvinist attitudes that dishonor them.
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Format: Hardcover
This is one of those books that makes reviewers like me spend an inordinate amount of time trying to condense the author's premise. It's not because the premise is so complicated; it's because of the myriad filters, grids, and perspectives through which readers approach lightning-rod topics like genderism. A tyrannical, controlling male pastor will read this book, and this review, through a grid similar to the one used by the wife of a tyrannical, controlling Christian man. They'll interpret Paul Coughlin's call for a return to the authentic, biblical Jesus as a role model for Christian men in an entirely different way than would, say, the wife of a passive Christian Nice Guy, the classic CNG.

No matter where you live, no matter where you worship --- no matter where you go, for heaven's sake --- you've met your share of CNGs, Christian Nice Guys who traded in the gospel of Jesus Christ for the gospel of playing it safe. As a former CNG, Coughlin recognizes the fear that keeps these men believing in only a meek and mild Jesus --- and believing this is the only view of Jesus they should emulate. Coughlin likens this bogus portrayal of Jesus to that of a "bearded woman" or a glowing pretty-boy who has just received a "to-die-for facial." But the Jesus of the Gospels, Coughlin writes, operates along the entire "tender-tough spectrum." A meek and mild wimp doesn't overturn the moneychangers' tables or use heavy doses of sarcasm --- even if it is the "blessed sarcasm" used by Jesus, which, Coughlin points out, He inherited from His own Father.

The son of an off-the-charts abusive woman, Coughlin learned early on to play it safe. You'd think a personal encounter with the Lion of Judah would have led him into a life of boldness and adventure, but no.
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Format: Hardcover
No More Christian Nice Guy is a book targetted toward men who have been convinced (either by family, a particular church, or both) that masculinity is a bad thing, that men are more sinful than women, and that men should embrace a passive stance.

The first few chapters are reactionary and not very good. But, beginning with chapter 5, the book shines. Coughlin emphasizes the importance of male assertiveness, and explains how wimpy men ruin marriages. His chapter on, "We're men, not euncuhs" is excellent. Coughlin tells us there is nothing wrong with being male, and being a Biblical male is different from being the type of male some/many churches advocate.

Scattered throughout the book are deep and meaningful quotations from the likes of C.S. Lewis and other deep thinkers. Though this book is written straight from the shoulder (the author's style is very masculine), and though certain aspects of it seem simplistic, other sections are deep and significant.

Unlike Elderidge's work, Coughlin gives room for men to be different from him (he divides them into Passive, Aggressive, and Assertive). He is clearly targetting, "Christian Nice Guys" (passives) who have been tamed and forced into a feminine mold.

The good points in this book are very good, to the point that they offset the bad points.

What are the bad points? There are a number of inaccuracies in this book, and the author's own experiences color his perspective. Nonetheless, this book is worth reading.

He embraces the mindless use of the term, "the church." But what is "the church?" It is a theological term for the entire family of true believers.
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