When early humans lived in tribes, both men and women were free to relate emotionally and sexually with whoever they wanted. Primitive societies did everything collectively, including raising children (in addition to sharing resources like food and water and banding together for protection from predators). Our closest primate ancestors are bonobo monkeys, a species known for being sexual promiscuous and for not pair bonding. In fact, very few primates are monogamous. Monogamy seems to have become popular with the changing dynamic of human social functions. As societies became agrarian, humans began to form clearer boundaries between what belonged to them and what belonged to someone else. This eventually began to include people, and the ‘family’ evolved into what we have come to know it as today: two parents raising their own offspring. This encouraged marriage and monogamy, which quickly became the cultural norm. Today’s western culture is dominated by monogamy and the ideals around the ‘family unit.’ Despite this, many married men and women report cheating on their spouses, which has contributed to recent skyrocketing divorce rates. Monogamy has become something akin to taxes and speed limits: we say we support them, but most of us eventually break the rules. The reality is that there is no one perfect type of relationship; different types of people will find happiness and satisfaction in different types of relationships. This is where our authors come in and provide pertinent information for those of us curious about other styles of relating to one another. While this book may advertise that it is about polyamory, it is really about all relationships. Our authors posit that there are two keys to success in any and all relationships whether they be monogamous, polyamorous, or platonic: trust and communication. For a relationship to progress and deepen, we must be able to trust that our partners are continually making decisions for the benefit of the relationship. Every single thing that we can’t or won’t talk about, openly and without fear or shame, “is a crack in the relationship’s foundation.” Obviously, lying (and lying by omission) to those we love is not kind to them nor ourselves. We have to be honest with our wants, needs, and desires in any relationship. We must also be open and receptive to hearing these things from our partners. The number one reason why happy relationships end is jealousy. Jealousy is “rooted in some sort of fear: of abandonment, of being replaced, of losing the attention of someone you love, of being alone.” What prompts these feelings is first a feeling of possession in relationships. I would like to take this moment to dissuade you, dear reader, of this notion. A good relationship is not something we have, it is something we participate in. The best, happiest relationships, are those in which members are constantly willing to negotiate and renegotiate the groundwork beneath them. Is it important to always work together to overcome any problems without letting the problem come between you and your partner(s). Our authors propose a metaphor for relationships: a garden. The most important garden we each cultivate is our own: no relationship is as important as our relationship with ourself. I like to read books, and literature is a very important part of my garden. Other people like to play tennis, and they cultivate this flower in their own way. We also have gardens with all of our important relationships: friends, family, and lovers. I have a garden with my mother that we cultivate together. I have a garden with my girlfriend, and the flowers we grow are always intentionally nurtured together for the overall health of us both. Sometimes, other plants pop up in the garden, and we must have the ability to say “hey, there’s a strange plant growing in the corner over there, what is it?” If we cannot communicate openly, we may soon find that our garden is overgrown with weeds. This can happen to our shared gardens in addition to our own personal ones. “We have relationships because we, as human beings, are wired to love.” Monogamy tells us that we can only love one other person romantically and sexually. We can love our friends, but only to a certain extent—as soon as sex enters the picture, everything changes. The lines weren’t always so stark, however, and they don’t have to continue to be. Society has been telling us all how to cultivate our gardens for hundreds of years, but the beautiful thing about gardens is that there is no correct way to manage them. Everyone’s gardens are different and each deserve respect. As long as you are growing your flowers with love and compassion, you’re doing okay.