- File Size: 2997 KB
- Print Length: 1778 pages
- Publisher: Crimson Vixens Press; 1 edition (January 8, 2018)
- Publication Date: January 8, 2018
- Sold by: Amazon Digital Services LLC
- Language: English
- ASIN: B078WTD12Y
- Text-to-Speech: Enabled
- Word Wise: Enabled
- Lending: Not Enabled
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,287 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
Mountain Man Baby Daddy: A Billionaire + Virgin Bride Romance Kindle Edition
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I pray my daughter never picks up any of Vivien Vale's books, this is filth!
I like the main characters, Jack and Avery, a lot. Jack is a brooding, closed-off, broken, war ‘hero’, and Avery is a very young, spoiled-but-kind, virginal socialite. They’re pretty well developed, and their dialogue reflects their individual personalities well. The story is different, starts off very strong and intriguing, has a thorough, if not predictable, climax, and ends well.
Yes, there’s a lot of foul language, but that’s pretty typical of books in the Romance/Erotic novel space.
The progression of their relationship is fairly well done, meaning, they don’t move directly to ‘insta-love’ (which is a bore), but neither do they hit all the highlights that I’m looking for in a book like this either. I kept looking for that meaningful moment when they both admit, in the same conversation, that they truly love each other and want to build a future together. Pieces/parts of that are found in the latter half of the book, but, at key romantic moments when those kinds of things could have been said, they’re quickly distracted by sex, so they never get there. Meaning, ironically, the sex got in the way of the climactic moments.
The book really falls down in three areas:
(1) Cut the string Chatty Kathy. To the extent the writer can, it’s always better to describe what’s going on in the character’s head through their actions and dialogue with other characters. This writing technique avoids long-winded diatribes (‘mental data-dumps’ I call them), which slow the action and bring the pace of the book to a screeching halt. This book has ENTIRE CHAPTERS devoted to the characters’ internal dialogue where NO STORY DEVELOPMENT OCCURS, and no new information is provided to the reader. Characters are repeating things they’ve previously thought or said, again and again and again, and it’s just annoying after a while.
The characters in this story have very little dialogue, because their thoughts are already known to everyone, except the character with whom they’re interacting. Therefore, from a motivational perspective, the reader is often at a logical loss to explain the cause of subsequent actions taken by the other, because none of this internal dialogue was actually ever said out loud.
Corollary to that, and even more annoying to the reader, there are conversational instances in this book where one character asks the other a 1-3 word question like, “Breakfast?” The author then has 2-4 PAGES of internal dialogue before the other character responds, “Yes.” It takes so long to get to the answer, the reader has to go back several pages just to remember what the original question was. Sorry, but I see that more and more in this type of book, and it’s simply absurd.
In a nutshell, about half this book is blather that doesn’t advance the relationship, or the story line. It actually gets in the way of the story and could cause the most dedicated readers to put the book down.
(2) Hump on your own time. Alright, most folks read this kind of book because they want the juicy erotic ‘intimate’ scenes. I get that, and I’m no prude, and these characters didn’t just take one look at each other and rush into the bedroom (which never happens in real like . . . unless you’re paying for it). But, once they do become ‘intimate’, they can think, or do, little else. There’s SO MUCH SEX in this book, it gets in the way of meaningful conversations (as alluded to earlier), progression of the relationship, any real action in the story, and begins to make the characters (well developed at the beginning) become flat towards the end.
Separately, there’s an ever-shrinking line, I believe, between romantic erotica and straight-up adult porn. The volume and nature of the sex in this book pushes WAY BEYOND the boundaries of romantic erotica. There are repetitive scenes here that don’t fit in the context of the plot, seem to only want to explain different ‘methods’, are overly descriptive of bodily functions, and contain WAY TOO MUCH INFORMATION about bodily fluids. That’s not sexy, or erotic, and the author should pull back. I mean seriously, can you say ‘schmegma.’
(3) Focus on your craft. There are a plethora of internal inconsistencies in this book. In one scene they’re on the living room floor, then in Jack’s bedroom, then on the living room floor, then wake up in Jack’s bedroom. That, among other scenes where the action is not well described, cause the reader virtual vertigo in attempting to understand what the heck is actually going on.
There are problems with syntax, word placement, word selection, proper usage of words and phrases, a disturbing occurrence of not knowing the difference between to, too, and two, and, finally, 2-3 typos in almost every chapter. Preoccupation with leaping into the bedroom (or some other odd location) should not get in the way of describing what’s actually going on in the story. Many readers, and some writers, seem to think all writing flows from the fingertips of the author in one unending stream of seamless prose. In actuality, while the creative element is dominant, it’s a technical process where the author needs to see that the details of Scene A are in alignment with the details of Scene B, and C, and D, etc. Good editing is essential. If the author is not good at it, hire a professional.
Usually the vast majority of these books are written well, but the story is thin and seems rather repetitive, especially when you’re reading them back-to-back. In this case, it’s the reverse. The plot and characters are interesting, but the writing is so poor, it gets in the way of the story.
When Avery runs Jake saves her from herself twice and they discover that they need each other to heal and the love envelopes them. It is a good read. I enjoyed it.