I bought this product as a gift for my beautiful wife. We have three sons and she loves the military green color. I thought this gift would be perfect with its three wild wolves representing the three small pups we have at home while the rest represents me as her moon and stars.
Upon arrival, I decided to reveal this wonderful gift to her early, as I could not contain the thoughtfulness that went in to this Valentine's Day present. Her reaction was different than I anticipated.
I thought for sure she'd be excited. When I pulled that shirt out of its plastic sleeve there was a look of awestruck wonder that had appeared on my wife's face. For a moment, I thought that she may have mistaken this shirt for tickets to Disneyworld or a few scratch-offs as her expression of joy was one I had not seen since the last time I surprised her with an Oreo Blizzard. With the fury of the she-wolf that had dwelt long in slumber deep down in her bones, she attacked me and stole the shirt from my grasps. Before I could open my eyes she had adorned said shirt and had me pinned to the floor. She leaned in close and began sniffing my head and neck. I could feel her honing in on my jugular and it was at this time I first feared for my life.
Suddenly in one swift motion, she took me straight from the floor and threw me over her shoulder. I felt like an innocent kettlebell being manhandled during an afternoon WOD. The last thing I remember is the weightlessness I felt as I soared through the air. I landed so hard on our bed that I blacked out. I can’t say what happened next. This may be due to the head trauma I sustained or perhaps it is my subconscious doing all it can to protect my now fragile psyche; blocking the experience from my recollection.
I woke up two days later. I am not sure where she is now. Our pillows and cushions have been ripped to pieces in the living room and cotton covers the floors like a winter wonderland. All the shoes in the house have been torn up and it appears someone used the business end of a toilet brush as a chew toy. Our home is eerily quiet. The silence is periodically broken by moans that I can only assume are coming from an injured cat in the distance. There are claw marks on the back door as it swings wide open, allowing the cold February air to fill our home. I am scared to leave. I've now locked myself in the bathroom and am writing this review for the safety and concern I have for other husbands.
Take my advice. For Valentine’s Day, get her a gift card.
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