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On My Knees: A Memoir Paperback – June 18, 2013

3.9 out of 5 stars 37 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

Review

“Ribald, outrageous, gutter-mouthed, hilarious-a startling new voice in American letters. Watch out Portnoy, watch out Caulfield, watch out Bukowski, watch out E. L. James. Hell, everybody, real or imagined, just watch out! Because here comes Periel Aschenbrand!” (Jonathan Ames)

“Unsavorily compelling. . .in the manner of a female Howard Stern.” (New York Times)

“Bold, sassy, and totally fucking cool. If truth in comedy is my mantra, then the goddess I pray to is Periel Aschenbrand.” (Lesley Arfin, author of Dear Diary and senior writer for Girls)

“Periel Aschenbrand is funny, funny, funny. On My Knees is a cool book-made me laugh, made me think, made me keep turning pages. If you don’t buy it and read it and dig, you’re making a mistake.” (James Frey)

“Meet the Lady Gaga of literature! On My Knees is sexy, funny, titillating, and badass.” (Touré)

Laden with sharp humor and funny asides (New York Observer)

Brave, smart, sexy, and sharp, Aschenbrand is an expert at writing her life as a tantalizing striptease (Interview)

From the Back Cover

A brash, bawdy, and downright ballsy ode to the ups and downs of life and love, On My Knees opens with Periel Aschenbrand—still reeling from a breakup with her longtime boyfriend—chain-smoking her days away on a plastic-covered couch and watching reruns of Law and Order while she squats in her dead grandmother's apartment in the East Village.

Armed with her wicked wit and a motley cast of characters that includes her hovering Jewish mother, an eccentric uncle, and her neurotic best friend/wingwoman, Aschenbrand embarks on a Dante-esque journey through the many rings of single-girl hell involving crazy one-night stands; an unhealthy attachment to a dental hygienist; a run-in with Philip Roth; and, in the end, a trip to Israel and an encounter with the man who just might be the one. Hysterical and heartfelt, On My Knees traces Periel's attempt to rebuild her life, her relationships, and her trademark confidence in a story so riotous it would make Chelsea Handler blush.

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 194 pages
  • Publisher: Harper Perennial; Original edition (June 18, 2013)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0062026895
  • ISBN-13: 978-0062026897
  • Product Dimensions: 5.3 x 0.5 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (37 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,295,842 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
I expected more than I was offered - the introduction was great and then the read became predictable - some good humour with opportunities missed and expectations dashed - compare this with Marieke Hardy "You'll be Sorry when I'm Dead" - an example of writing great humour into life experiences - but I did read On my Knees" until the end - so the story and writing kept my interest
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
I was in the airport on my way home when I finished my other Kindle book and bought this one in a hurry so as to have something to read on the plane. Don't know what I was thinking. Maybe because it was cheap? In any case, I only got through a couple of chapters as it was a really short flight. Then I deleted this tripe forever.
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Format: Paperback
Just like one reviewer mentioned, by the title of the book and synopsis on the back cover I expected it to be a telling of her sexual escapades and how she met a man who helped her find and face herself and with whom she could start a life with. But NOT REALLY. This book was entertaining and wickedly funny I must say, but that is about the only thing that kept me reading. Not only was I disappointed we didn't get to read about her sexual history, but all of her relevant encounters which change her emotional state are BRIEF and ABRUPT. Everything flies by and you're jumping from one place to the next with no real setting OR time frame. For example, somewhere in the beginning she talks about how she met her boyfriend Noam of ten years and how they met, a brief look into their relationship and how they broke up. Couple of chapters later, after she tells you how depressed she is and her grandma dies and blah blah, she mentions after her breakup with Noam did she start immediately hooking up with her best friend Nico. I don't understand why she couldn't mention that part when it was relevant and present to the reader. The ending was bad. She doesn't talk about her wedding in any detail or even her true emotions. She will say i'm depressed, or my life was a mess or i needed to get my s*** together, but she never fully delves into her psyche. She will tell you WHY , rather than HOW. ALl in all, if this book was an extra 100 pages long I would have greatly appreciated it because that means the book would have more details to better understand her life and change in every aspect.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I can't believe I wasted 45 minutes of my life first reading and then skimming this "book," and if you get a copy you won't believe it either. Cliches in language are common ("sage advice"), but the life itself is a cliche--which is why people like fiction, where someone who leads an unremarkable life can create a remarkable story.

In this story, the depth of the writer's reading stops at Law and Order, and that shows.
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Periel is not only hilarious but she is inspiring, transformative and my new role model! Without fear of judgement from others and without abandon she is exactly who she is. What you see is what you get. Periel's conversations with her mother had me laughing so hard I literally was in tears. I felt like I was reading my OWN conversations with my own mother! Uncanny! I related to this book on almost every level. Perhaps that's because I am a single girl living in New York City but if anything it gave me comfort that I'm really not the only one that goes through these horrible dates! I didn't expect to finish this book and feel inspired I just thought I'd be reading a fun and funny book about a girl like me who had trouble finding the right man. Well actually that's not true. I figured there would be a happy ending and well that always provides some hope for the single girls who have had less than satisfying relationships. And while there was a happy ending and Periel did end up finding her prince it's her journey and her unwillingness to conform to the kind of woman people thought she should be which is the most inspiring message in this book. In spite of what her mother said to her, in spite of what others may have thought about her antics, in spite of the "rules" that society says the way women should conduct themselves ESPECIALLY when it comes to men...never doubting herself and staying true to herself Peri ends up proving EVERYONE wrong! Periel turns out just fine. More than fine actually. She finds her prince charming who was a result of what was supposed to be a one night stand which is against "The Rules". She is brilliant and successful and even with her truck driver mouth (which I am obsessed with) her husband loves and adores her just the way that she is!Read more ›
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Periel has a gift for telling stories that are both funny and heartwarming albeit adult in it's subject matter. She leaves little to the imagination but that is exactly why I chose this book. I am not into literary metaphors just tell it to me straight and trust me you will get that from her! Wonderful and well written you will be glad you bought it!
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Format: Paperback
One of the best memoirs I have ever read!
Periel is smart, funny, fashionable and to-the-point. I laughed so many times and then had to relay to the hubby what I read so he could laugh too. And believe me when I tell you, we did. She is such a riot!
This story centered around her dating life, or sometimes lack thereof. I know so many women who will be able to relate to her stories. Especially the city chicks. Life, especially dating life, moves at a different pace. She is pretty honest in her account of being a city girl.
Gotta say, the cover is hot! So is the story!
Now I gotta get a copy of her other book.
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