Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank do their laundry as they force Mike and company to watch The Creeping Terror (1964), a jaw-droppingly bad horror flick about a space alien that looks like a large carpet with people under it.
In the early Sixties an independent filmmaker calling himself "Vic Savage" made, starred in, and released this awful, awful movie -- perhaps a contender for worst movie of all times along with such oddities as MANOS, THE HANDS OF FATE and PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE. (Spoilers): An alien spacecraft crashes near a small California town and a hideous monster (or is it two?) escapes. The pointed-nose spacecraft "looks like a Ticonderoga No. 2," to quote Tom Servo and inside, is full of fairly ordinary electronic equipment passing for futuristic high-tech: "Are we inside Television City?" asks Crow. The monster attacks a couple making out on a picnic blanket. Later, on the edge of a forest and after much shaking of bushes, he goes for a young mother hanging laundry on the line ("She's having a clothes encounter"). Ah yes, the monster: Obviously a man in a suit, he looks like a reject from a Chinatown parade dragging a large bag of cats. (Later in the movie, this unconvincing prop would be replaced by an even worse one.) Perhaps enticed by the idea of buy one, get one free (or more likely, by Vic Savage’s idea of a sexual turn-on), the monster hovers over (and, presumably, consumes) a couple making out in a car, later does the same with another couple on a picnic blanket. Since the monster's top speed is about one and-a-half miles an hour, any healthy person would simply walk away. Director Savage's way of dealing with this is having people with no acting experience freeze and simulate terror. Unbelievably, the authorities react to this rampage by trying to hush up the news (I for one would have closed the park).
Meanwhile, the county Sheriff, lending credence to the two-monster theory, is killed when he enters the alien spacecraft, which looks like sliding underneath a sheet of plywood and probably is. This leaves the deputy (Savage) in charge who, despite his rakish good looks, is as much out of his element as a lawman as he is as a director. The community reacts to all the killings by dispensing with mourning and going straight to a dinner dance in a community center (although it may have been a prom at the high school -- opinions vary). This is the same tack as in THE GIANT GILA MONSTER -- hope for a climactic scene by packing a room with fresh meat. Even among this feast, the monster practically needs help from his victims, who hold still and wait for him to approach. Since the monster goes at his victims head first, numerous slow takes of leggy girls in heels result. Once again, it isn't so much as how the monster feeds as what the director needs. In other words, "Vic" is thinking with his . . . ego.
Can it get worse? Yes, it can. Practically all of THE CREEPING TERROR was narrated by a local radio announcer, and the film has very few sound effects or synchronous dialog. Even the cheapest porn or industrial films of the era had better technique than this. Along the way, Mike and the bots toss some good zingers, but with action sequences that grind practically to a halt every time, they are often stuck for the witty response. As it happens this horrible, horrible film was made by a horrible, horrible man whose story is told in the 2015 pseudo-documentary THE CREEP BEHIND THE CAMERA, which I've reviewed elsewhere. "Vic Savage" died in 1975 at age 41, but this movie will live forever among devotees of bottom-of-the-barrel cinema.
"The Creeping Terror" is so boring, so terrible that Mystery Science Theater's usual comic touch cannot redeem it. It is humerous to see the victims crawling into the mouth of the monster, a monster that they could get away from if they would just walk slightly fast or even crawl fast. In short order the movie becomes tiresome. There is no plot, no special effects, and poor acting. The monster appears to be a piece of carpet with additional scraps attached.. While I am a fan of "bad" 50"s sci-fi, this movie, in which the monster moves at a snails pace, is just too slow, too boring to endure. About it's only redeeming trait is that it might be good for insomnia. The 3 stars is for Mystery Science Theater. The movie itself gets negative stars.
I selected Creeping Terror because it was a sixth season Mike Episode and some of the reviews made it sound like a hilariously funny episode. Sadly, it really did not live up to my expectations. The movie itself has little to offer the review geniuses, especially in the side of dialogue. As a bad carpet sample lands on Earth and starts slowly eating people a newly wedded deputy wanders around keeping many deaths from the public, I think. It's hard to discern exactly what's going on as the director decided to rely upon a narrator going on and on about marriage instead of explaining what was going on with the title character eating people. The scenes with the high school dance (even though everyone was 40) are the funniest of the whole movie as Mike and the 'bots go after every single horrid, rhythmless, typical '50's adult twitches to very banal music. As one woman's hinnie is about to explode, a subplot spills out onto the screen from no where. Even the bits are not that up to par. The first one about raising the flag seems to come from no where and go there. The second and third bits are more funny, but still nothing to write home about. But even with all this, it is still a MST3K episode and there are laugh out loud moments that are enough of a reason to buy Creeping Terror. However, if you're looking for a hilarious Sixth Season Mike episode then I recommend "Angels Revenge" that is if you can stand the sight of Jim Bakkus.
I wonder if producers and directors in the '50's and '60's could appreciate the idea that in merely 25 years time, their handiwork would be totally trashed by our heroes, the silloetted friends on the bottom of a TV screen! THIS piece of trollop is so bad..... no wonder that in the ending skit, Tom Servo and Crow dive for cover in the gullet of Gypsy! Most memorable lines: The showing of the Jr. Sherriff's baby, when Crow says! "Oh, cootsie cootsie coo, my sweet little boat anchor!" When the portly grandfather gets "et" by the "thing in the closet" wannabe, and one of the bots say: "Looks like the world has lost another Santa!" When the glob of blob attacks that old racecar to get at the dead teenagers, someone remarks about how canned meat isnt to fresh, and their hillarious remarks about getting a Snickers out of that vending machine! "That car has cream filling inside!" This dog of a movie is truly a two edged sword! If you can endure the monotone narration, the outdoor scenes in glorious white-and-white, the technological superiority of the mutants with their computers with DIALS stolen from the Wizard of Oz set, and that monster's tracheotomy inviting teenagers into taking the plunge into monotany, then you will LOVE Mike and the Bots adding their own brand of "narration" to this piece of s--....er, masterpiece!