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Anna Quindlen

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Nanaville: Adventures in Grandparenting Hardcover – April 23, 2019

by Anna Quindlen (Author)

4.5 1,134 ratings

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NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • The perfect gift for new parents and grandparents this Mother’s Day: a bighearted book of wisdom, wit, and insight, celebrating the love and joy of being a grandmother, from the Pulitzer Prize–winning columnist and #1 bestselling author

“This tender book should be required reading for grandparents everywhere.”—Booklist (starred review)

“I am changing his diaper, he is kicking and complaining, his exhausted father has gone to the kitchen for a glass of water, his exhausted mother is prone on the couch. He weighs little more than a large sack of flour and yet he has laid waste to the living room: swaddles on the chair, a nursing pillow on the sofa, a car seat, a stroller. No one cares about order, he is our order, we revolve around him. And as I try to get in the creases of his thighs with a wipe, I look at his, let’s be honest, largely formless face and unfocused eyes and fall in love with him. Look at him and think, well, that’s taken care of, I will do anything for you as long as we both shall live, world without end, amen.”

Before blogs even existed, Anna Quindlen became a go-to writer on the joys and challenges of family, motherhood, and modern life, in her nationally syndicated column. Now she’s taking the next step and going full nana in the pages of this lively, beautiful, and moving book about being a grandmother. Quindlen offers thoughtful and telling observations about her new role, no longer mother and decision-maker but secondary character and support to the parents of her grandson. She writes, “Where I once led, I have to learn to follow.” Eventually a close friend provides words to live by: “Did they ask you?”

Candid, funny, frank, and illuminating, Quindlen’s singular voice has never been sharper or warmer. With the same insights she brought to motherhood in Living Out Loud and to growing older in Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake, this new nana uses her own experiences to illuminate those of many others.

Praise for Nanaville

“Witty and thoughtful . . . Nanaville serves up enough vivid anecdotes and fresh insights—about childhood, about parenthood, about grandparenthood and about life—to make for a gratifying read.”—The New York Times

“Classic, bittersweet Quindlen . . . [Her] wonder at seeing her eldest child grow into his new role is lovely and moving. . . . The best parts of Nanaville are the charming vignettes of Quindlen's solo time with her grandson.”—NPR

Editorial Reviews

Review

“In Nanaville, Quindlen shares her honest and funny experiences with maneuvering through new territory as she learns the importance of stepping back, allowing Arthur’s parents to take the lead and carving a new role for herself.”—Time

“Grandparenting is new territory for this bestselling novelist and beloved former columnist, and as always in her warmly candid nonfiction, Quindlen voices concerns and celebrates high points with sensitivity and insight. As her life fills with unbreakable dishes, scattered Legos, and bite-sized treats, Quindlen savors a shared book, a held hand, a child’s laugh, and a relationship built on mutual love and respect. This tender book should be required reading for grandparents everywhere. . . . Quindlen has established a close rapport with readers as she shares her life experiences, and her latest will thrill loyal fans and draw a new audience.”—Booklist (starred review)

“In this wise and endearing book, former New York Times columnist Quindlen . . . addresses the subject of grandparenting, sharing her own experiences and advice. . . . The book is filled with Quindlen’s playful sense of humor (if her baby daughter had wanted to sleep upside down “like a bat,” she would have let her), along with thoughtful reflections on how parenting and grandparenting have changed (for instance, fathers are more involved, there’s a lot more baby gear to buy, and more people are living long enough to become grandparents). This heartfelt and delightful work will especially appeal to readers already living within their own versions of Nanaville.”—Publishers Weekly

“A first-time grandmother discovers joy and self-knowledge in her new role. Pulitzer Prize–winning novelist, columnist, and memoirist Quindlen . . . celebrates the gift of being a grandmother: a new experience, she writes, that gives her ‘a second chance, to see, to be, to understand the world, to look at it and reimagine my place in it, to feel as though I've made a mark.’ Besides reporting sweet anecdotes about her toddler grandson, the author reflects on her changing relationship with her son and daughter-in-law, an inevitable shift from being central in the lives of her children to a ‘peripheral place’ in a new family dynamic. . . .The author was sixty-four when her grandson was born; her grandmother was forty-seven when she had her first grandchild, yet grandparents seemed so much older then: ‘Our grandmothers were pre-gym, pre-Botox, pre–skinny jeans.’ They never kissed, hugged, or praised; they would never have gotten down on the floor to play with their dozens of grandchildren. . . . The author imparts sensible advice with self-deprecating humor and sincere gratitude for the bounty of her life. A warmhearted memoir sure to appeal to other new grandmothers—and Quindlen’s many fans.”—Kirkus Reviews

About the Author

Anna Quindlen is a novelist and journalist whose work has appeared on fiction, nonfiction, and self-help bestseller lists. She is the author of nine novels: Object Lessons, One True Thing, Black and Blue, Blessings, Rise and Shine, Every Last One, Still Life with Bread Crumbs, Miller’s Valley, and Alternate Side. Her memoir Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake, published in 2012, was a #1 New York Times bestseller. Her book A Short Guide to a Happy Life has sold more than a million copies. While a columnist at The New York Times she won the Pulitzer Prize and published two collections, Living Out Loud and Thinking Out Loud. Her Newsweek columns were collected in Loud and Clear.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Sunlight spreads across the checkerboard tiles in the kitchen, and so do many other things: wooden spoons, a rubber frog, Tupperware, a couple of puzzle pieces, some plastic letters, elements of the obstacle course of the active toddler. Did you know that the wheels on the bus go round and round, all through the town? They do, over and over again, sung by the robotic voice of some plastic magnetic thing on the refrigerator. Oh, and Old MacDonald has a farm. The hokey pokey? That’s what it’s all about.

This soundtrack, I know, will continue into perpetuity, first the nursery song, then the pop song, the rock song, the earworms of motherhood that emanate from the toy radio, the computer, from behind a closed bedroom door with a placard that says please knock. I have been here before. Sort of.

A little hand rests lightly on my leg, a pale starfish of almost no weight, so that I might not know it was there were I not looking down at it as though it were the Mona Lisa, the Pyramids, the Sistine Chapel ceiling. Look at those fingers! Those tiny pillowy knuckles! When Shakespeare wrote, “What a piece of work is man,” he must have been looking at a baby, I think to myself, which makes pretty clear that some crazy switch has been flipped in my brain. The wheels on the bus go round and round.

“Nana,” he says softly, in a high voice that I know from experience will someday be deep and sonorous. But not now. Now it is sweet and light, like something produced by one of the small woodwinds.

“Yes, sweetheart,” I reply.

“Nana,” he says again.

“I’m here.”

“Nana!” This time demanding, slightly petulant. And that’s when I notice that he is looking at the fruit bowl on the table and when I realize that he is not crooning my name at all, my new name, of which I am so proud.

He just wants a banana and the full word is too much for him at this moment in his development. “Nana” denotes a piece of fruit, not this woman who follows him around as though he were a drum major and she a marching band.

These are useful moments, when we are made to understand where we really rate in the topography of family, if we are smart enough to pay attention and humble enough to accept the verdict. I know you don’t want to consider this if you’re in the same position I am, and I keep hearing that there are people who pay the notion no mind, but we grandparents are secondary characters, supporting actors. We are not the leads. Mama. Daddy. These are the bedrock.

We know this from past experience, our own experience. We were mother and father, most of us, before we became grandmother and grandfather. And because of that it is sometimes hard to accept that we have been pushed slightly to the perimeter. We are now the people whose names come in the smaller print in the movie credits. It’s not that we are unimportant, as anyone who has ever had a grandparent knows. After all, secondary characters are what flesh out the plot: what would Great Expectations be without Miss Havisham, or Romeo and Juliet without the nurse? Mrs. Hudson may not get as much time in the stories as Sherlock Holmes does, but a reader is always very happy to have her show up.

The central figures of my childhood were my mother and father, but an essential part of the plot was my pink-skinned grandmother and gruff and demanding grandfather (Quindlen) and my dark and somber grandmother and gentlemanly grandfather (Pantano). They illuminated the story of where I had come from. Arthur’s grandfather and I, my daughter-in-law’s parents: it will be the same. We provide color, texture, history, mythology. But we are not central.

Mama means Mama. Daddy means Daddy.

But Nana might just be a piece of fruit.

Later on he will be able to say “apple” and “tractor” and even, rumor has it, “pterodactyl,” although at the moment the last is such a welter of undifferentiated consonants that it would take a linguist, or a parent, to figure that out. Soon he has mastered the word “banana,” and when he does, Nana becomes notably me. “Nana, please,” he says when he wants something, often something he is not permitted to have. He is always happy to see me. He is not leveled by the leaving. On the evenings when I give him his dinner, his bath, and his bedtime stories, he sometimes cries as I put him in the crib because he realizes this means I’m all he has. “Mama and Daddy will be home soon,” I say, the magic words.

His grandfather is Pop. For a while there was one word: “Nanapop.” Sometimes there were three: “Nanapopgus.” Gus is a Labrador retriever. That certainly puts things in perspective, doesn’t it?

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Random House; First Edition (April 23, 2019)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 176 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0812996100
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0812996104
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 12 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.9 x 0.8 x 8.6 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #426,215 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #549 in Grandparenting (Books)
- #6,251 in Motivational Self-Help (Books)
- #10,906 in Memoirs (Books)

Customer Reviews:
4.5 1,134 ratings

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Anna Quindlen

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Anna Quindlen is the author of the bestselling novels Blessings and Rise and Shine, amongst others, and of the non-fiction titles Living Out Loud, Thinking Out Loud and A Short Guide to a Happy Life. Her New York Times column 'Public and Private' won a Pulitzer Prize in 1992. She is currently a columnist for Newsweek and lives with her husband and children in New York.

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Customers say

Customers find the book informative and entertaining, with helpful tips and insights. They appreciate the humorous, self-deprecating writing style that is easy to read and intuitive. The author captures the love of grandchildren well, making it a touching and sweet gift. Readers describe the book as a quick, light read that's enjoyable.

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Insight Humor Writing style Love Readability Gift value Pacing

28 customers mention "Insight"28 positive0 negative

Customers find the book insightful and educational. They describe it as a fun, warm read with helpful tips and advice for grandparents. The insights are powerful and can serve as positive role models for our society's growing intergenerational relationships.

"...Wonderfully written book, personification of Anna Quindlen. Humor, advice, love and that new baby on the way. Welcome to Nanaville...." Read more

"...It is tender, funny, and full of advice for grandparents...." Read more

"This is a lovely read for grandmothers navigating this season. Funny, intuitive and factual. I enjoyed this book very much." Read more

"...This book, written by a journalist, did have some nice information and advice. But, from a memoir perspective it wasn't super relatable...." Read more

20 customers mention "Humor"20 positive0 negative

Customers enjoy the book's humor and self-deprecating writing style. They find it entertaining and joyful as Quindlen accurately shares perspectives on love and amazement from time spent together.

"...Wonderfully written book, personification of Anna Quindlen. Humor, advice, love and that new baby on the way. Welcome to Nanaville...." Read more

"...It is tender, funny, and full of advice for grandparents...." Read more

"This is a lovely read for grandmothers navigating this season. Funny, intuitive and factual. I enjoyed this book very much." Read more

"...It takes awhile to get your balance. This book uses humor and personal stories to give advice to mothers of sins...." Read more

9 customers mention "Writing style"9 positive0 negative

Customers enjoy the book's writing style. They find it easy to read, intuitive, and humorous.

"This is a lovely read for grandmothers navigating this season. Funny, intuitive and factual. I enjoyed this book very much." Read more

"I gave this 5 stars because she is a great author and it is a good book...." Read more

"...The humorous, self-deprecating writing style was very inviting-the author shared both the joys and challenges of new grand-parenthood...." Read more

"Easy to read. Very informative.I recommend it" Read more

5 customers mention "Love"5 positive0 negative

Customers enjoy the book's love and wisdom. They find it a wonderful expression of the author's love for her grandchild. The book is described as sweet, touching, and humorous.

"...Humor, advice, love and that new baby on the way. Welcome to Nanaville.Recommended. prisrob 04-23-19" Read more

"...Quindlen captures perfectly the transcendent love of grandchildren, the joy of watching your own children parent, and the careful calibration this..." Read more

"...and the book has real nuggets of wisdom and is a wonderful expression of her love for her grandchild...." Read more

"Highly recommend for new grandparents and new parents. Very touching and funny as well!..." Read more

5 customers mention "Readability"5 positive0 negative

Customers enjoy the book's readability. They find it a quick, easy read that is light and delightful.

"...She said to me, “you will love it, a very fast read”. I loved it! Yes a fast read but didn’t want it to end!" Read more

"This easy to read book is a riot. Having been a nana for 7 years, I’ve experienced many of the things the author discussed...." Read more

"...I think she pretty much pegged grandmothering. I really enjoyed this quick read. Light and delightful!" Read more

"Excellent fast service!" Read more

3 customers mention "Gift value"3 positive0 negative

Customers find the book a good gift for expecting grandmothers and Grammas.

"Very good gift to give any expectant Nana! Crucial reading and prepare for the unexpected! Please laugh and sigh! Wonderful!" Read more

"A wonderful book for a grandmother! Terrific gift." Read more

"Great gift for any Gramma...." Read more

3 customers mention "Pacing"0 positive3 negative

Customers dislike the book's pacing. They say the book is in poor condition and the last page is torn up.

"...However, I bought this as a gift and it was in bad enough condition that I could not give it as a gift...." Read more

"The last page is the book is all torn up. No printing on it but maybe take more care in packaging. Thanks" Read more

"Awful...." Read more

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prisrob
Love Your Grandchild and Keep Your Mouth Shut
Reviewed in the United States on April 23, 2019
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The first time I heard I was going to be a grandmother, I was ecstatic. I had no idea what life would be like as a new “Grammy”, but I was excited. Like Anna Quindlen, in her new book, Nanaville, this new grandchild was to become one of the great loves of my life. And each succeeding grandchild was loved as much as the first. The two Commandments Of Nanahood according to Quindlen is to Love your grandchild and keep your mouth shut.

Anna Quindlen sets the tone for life as a nana or Grammy or whatever name you and your family have chosen. Her son Quin and daughter-in-law, Lynn, are the perfect parents, and Anna and her husband wanted to be the best grandparents. I knew from the experience of others that I did not want to become the interfering grandmother. I followed the lead of my children. Whatever they wanted, I followed. If they wanted my advice I waited for them to ask.

Yes, Anna is correct, “Did they ask you?” She found out, she was no longer the leader, the center of attention, the new parents and that precious child were in charge. The parents had done their homework, they had talked with each other about the rearing of their child. What fun to watch my son become this wonderful parent. How proud I was of him and his wife. Content to sit and hold the baby, burp after feeding. Feeding the first bit of applesauce into that Cupid’s mouth. Anna knows, these grandchildren can do-no wrong.

Becoming a grandparent is a great responsibility. My eldest is now 15, and we have a wonderful relationship. Reading books as a baby, sending cards weekly when I could not visit. Anna gives us the lay of the land of this new role in life. Anna gives us insights into the fun and funny parts of grandparenthood. The difficulty of car seats, the language issue. Her grandson, Arthur, is half Chinese, and speaks Mandarin interspersed with English. As Anna says, getting down on the floor and making noises and playing peek a boo and games is what we do. Every adult lives to hear that wonderful child laugh and laugh or smile like you are the only one in the room. Her best advice is “… I’m learning that being a grandmother is not about the things you have to do. It’s about the things you want to do.”

Wonderfully written book, personification of Anna Quindlen. Humor, advice, love and that new baby on the way. Welcome to Nanaville.

Recommended. prisrob 04-23-19

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Lucille M. Zimmerman
In essence Quindlen wrote a love letter/memoir to her grandchild Arthur
Reviewed in the United States on May 20, 2019
Verified Purchase
In essence Quindlen wrote a love letter/memoir to her grandchild Arthur. It's also a love letter to her grown son and his Asian-born wife.

It is tender, funny, and full of advice for grandparents.

I was touched by the way Quindlen handled the delicate balance between loving, spoiling, and getting a do-over from all the mistakes we made as parents vs. overstepping our bounds and knowing our rightful place in the family constellation.

One thing I've learned as a psychotherapist is this: parenthood does make people happy, but much of that happiness gets neutralized by the day to day stress of raising a human being. However, most people get happier and happier with each decade of life, and that happiness skyrockets for those of us who get to be grandparents!

We have a new perspective, we get to slow down, and just be in the moment with these tiny people. As "Gwammy" to three year old Rosalie (and a little boy coming in October) I echo the tender feelings Ms. Quindlen put into words.

Here are a few quotes:

“Because I’m learning that being a grandmother is not about the things you have to do. It’s about the things you want to do. The fact is that motherhood is mainly about requirements.”

“Some people measure their success by the profession their children have chosen, by the purchase of a house, by how often they visit or call. But the only measurement, truly, is something that’s quite subjective: have you raised good people?”

“It's a complicated relationship, being a good grandparent, because it hinges on a series of other relationships... Because being a grandparent is determined by the relationship your child has with you, partly determined by the one a son or daughter has with his or her spouse, partly determined by the relationship you have with the person your child has chosen to have a child with.”

“Sometimes Arthur sees me and yells 'Nana!’ in the same way some people might say 'ice cream' and others might say 'Shoe Sale!' No one else has sounded this happy to see me in many, many years.”

"All I know is: The hand. The little hand that takes yours, small and soft as feathers. I'm happy our grandson does not yet have a sophisticated language or a working knowledge of personal finance, because if he took my hand and said, 'Nana, could you sign your 401(k) over to me?' I can imagine myself thinking, well, I don't really need a retirement fund, do I?"

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kaiba
YEA for Anna Quindlen
Reviewed in the United States on June 6, 2024
Verified Purchase
I've read almost everything Anna Quindlen has written; some of her books reflect my education and religious regimentation (UGH)..I especially liked her take on womens' rights and our place in society.
We women are important and more aware of human kind, a gift that many men do not possess. That's MY opinion. She does make me laugh with her no-fear statements, her push forward actions.
Nanaville was a bit preachy, I thought, but then she was faced with a situation that I have not experienced as a Grandmother or Great Grandmother.

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Lynne Steiner
nanavillle
Reviewed in the United States on February 20, 2024
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This is a lovely read for grandmothers navigating this season. Funny, intuitive and factual. I enjoyed this book very much.

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2 people found this helpful

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Amazon Customer
Good Read for Mothers with Married Sons
Reviewed in the United States on January 18, 2024
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This book made me cry. As I came from a family of girls and I have 4 sons of all recently married and having babies. My husband and I had to adjust quickly to having daughter-in-law’s, the parents of our daughter-in-law’s, and then becoming grandparents very fast. Letting go of being a mother to grown children can be difficult and very trying. It takes awhile to get your balance. This book uses humor and personal stories to give advice to mothers of sins. If you want a good relationship with your son after marriage, stand back realize that you are the second grandparent not going to be the first. Your daughter-in-law’s parents will be the first. Hard pill to swallow, I’ve seen it.
This author does a good job of helping you understand your newly married son.

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4 people found this helpful

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Top reviews from other countries

Brenda giansante
Beautiul
Reviewed in Canada on January 11, 2020
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Great book

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Sigrid
A must for any Nana....
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 2, 2019
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Warm, funny and absolutely realistic...she gets it spot on!

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DJ STANSFIELD
Well done
Reviewed in Canada on May 9, 2019
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WOW

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Amazon Customer
Nannaville
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 23, 2020
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I like Anna Quindlan and have read most of her books of her Books but found this a bit of a dud- nothing much to it and and it’s pretty boring -zzzzzz!

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