Enter your mobile number or email address below and we'll send you a link to download the free Kindle App. Then you can start reading Kindle books on your smartphone, tablet, or computer - no Kindle device required.
To get the free app, enter your mobile phone number.
All You Need Is Love and Other Lies About Marriage: A Proven Strategy to Make Your Marriage Work, from a Leading Couples Therapist Hardcover – March 2, 2004
All Books, All the Time
Read author interviews, book reviews, editors picks, and more at the Amazon Book Review. Read it now
Customers who viewed this item also viewed
Customers who bought this item also bought
From Publishers Weekly
This particularly thoughtful and articulate volume marks the arrival of major new voice in couples psychology. A professor at NYUs School of Medicine, Jacobs has also run a private psychiatric practice for the past 30 years, and his experience working with couples in both locations informs the practical, realistic view of marriage he presents in this book. "Virtually everyone has significant problems at some time in their marriage," he acknowledges. Some of those problems are made by husbands and wives, he explains; some of them are caused by biology, or by the tremendous social and economic changes of the past 40 years. Some are handed down generation after generation in families. Jacobs considers each of these sources in turn as he deconstructs "The Seven Lies of Marriage"among them the ideas that "people dont really change" and that "children solidify a marriage." While the books myth-busting structure resembles that of many pop psychology guides, Jacobss advice is noticeably more sophisticated. His tone is friendly and impartial, and he makes no false promises. "Marital relationships," he writes, "are by their very nature fraught with difficulty and vulnerability." It takes dedication to make them comfortable, loving and fair year after year, he says, and the tools he outlines go a long way toward making that task easier. He teaches readers how to overcome anger and resentment without sacrificing their needs. He explains how couples work as "systems" of action and reaction, and gives them ways to break "negative emotional spirals." Men, in particular, will appreciate his concerted effort to recognize the complaints and desires of both genders. In fact, Jacobss book is so well organized and insightful that even happily married couples may find it useful.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
“This particularly thoughtful and articulate volume marks the arrival of a major new voice in couple’s psychology.” (Publishers Weekly)
“Enlightening…puts the conflicts of modern married couples into historical and cultural perspective. Astute [and] authentic.” (Cleveland Plain Dealer)
Browse award-winning titles. See more
Top customer reviews
His book offers profound insights and valuable guidance on a wide range of commonly-experienced challenges that confront couples today. In our opinion, this is one of the most practical, eloquent, and user-friendly relationship books on the market today. Check it out!
Linda Bloom L.C.S.W. co-author of 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last and
Secrets of Great Marriages: Real Truth from Real Couples about Lasting Love (Linda and Charlie Bloom have been holding marriage meetings for over thirty years.)
A couple has to know certain truths and some definite myths about marriage. This is where Dr. Jacobs excels throughout the book. He then shares his experience as a marriage counselor and the things he's learned about making a couple's partnership stronger in their effort to make a good, sustainable marriage.
I penned my own learning experience in a poem,"Rationalization," which said, "After all my / rationalizing / Analyzing /
Self despising, / I reluctantly /Concede I am wrong. // Next time/ I hope this realization/ Unappealing sensation/ Ego obliteration, / Won't take me / So long. I Am Sea Glass: A Collection of Poetic Pieces
Read Dr. Jacob's book yourself, give it to others, talk about it with your spouse. It deserves wide distribution for we all need to learn the lessons it teaches. Dr. Jacobs, congratulations on a job well done.
However, the pathology-based thinking of North American psychs (and their dependence on their bible, the DSM IV) does more than sneak in all too much space on the topic of "change." Learning to be the best partner--learning to cope well with differences that are awkward for you is not accurately described as change--after, all, change is about identifying specifically your flaws and incorrect features and behaviors. (And since we all have plenty, how much fun is it going to be to prominently carry around a list of those imperfections---or review them in "therapy?")
Instead of the psychobabble that "change" has come to mean, improvement in life and relationships can come instead from pursuing greater maturity, greater social skills and understanding of the other gender, greater appreciation of the contributions of the other, and a better understanding of the best ways to influence others with grace and the best ways to accept influence readily, with grace.
The book is just a start, and more and better authors can be found at smartmarriages.com a coalition of authors, consumers, and providers who are all involved in the healthiest educational processes to learn the best marital structures and in practicing the best relationship skills.
Most recent customer reviews
Good guide for couples.