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I Need Your Love - Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead Paperback – November 28, 2006
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"Rebound" by Kwame Alexander
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From Publishers Weekly
Katie reintroduces the form of self-questioning called "The Work" that she originally presented in Loving What Is, but here she tackles relationships—and what spoils them. According to Katie (writing with the help of Katz, who is also her agent), rather than seeking love and approval from others, you need to find them in yourself. What often blocks that love is one's perception of reality: "If you believe your stressful thoughts, your life is filled with stress. But if you question your thoughts, you come to love your life and everyone in it." "The Work" is central to the process of taking a judgmental thought—such as "my partner is supposed to make me happy"—and subjecting it to four powerful questions, such as "Is it true?" and "Who or what would I be without the thought?" Then Katie suggests turning the thought around and considering different options, such as making yourself happy and making your partner happy. Finally, she suggests ways to find love and acceptance in yourself. Katie's chatty style and her use of detailed dialogues and simple exercises will make many readers feel transformation is inevitable. (On sale Mar. 22)Forecast:A 15-city author tour should help launch this to the sales levels of Loving What Is (110,000 copies in cloth and paper).
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Katie's first self-help book, Loving What Is (2001), was a best-seller. This volume applies her method, called "the Work," and uses it to help readers resolve issues concerning love. The Work consists of asking oneself three questions about a troubling issue and then turning the premise around and asking the opposite questions. Adherents of this technique who read the first book probably don't need this one, since it covers much of the same territory. As before, the text takes the form of dialogues between Katie and those practicing the Work, thus demonstrating how asking the questions and evaluating the answers yield results. For instance, a woman who felt her father didn't love her gains insights about her own attitudes toward him and herself through asking not why didn't he love her but why didn't she love him. This technique seems so simple that it's hard to make a whole book out of it, but like most self-help gurus, Katie, with the aid of coauthor Katz, manages just fine. Ilene Cooper
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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A client and friend sent me this book as a gift. We had touched on Byron Katie's work during our sessions, so it was appropriate. After reading it, I find I have moments of profound agreement with what Byron Katie says, and yet, I'm not 100% totally comfortable with it.
This book builds on Byron's earlier work in Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life.
I Need Your Love brings these questions to relationships. They are good questions because all too often we assume in relationships. We believe certain things should be true when they obviously aren't. We assume the motive behind what someone does when we haven't the foggiest idea of it's true. I don't know about you, but I've carried on whole conversations with people entirely in my head and been darn mad at them -- even before they've opened their mouths!
Byron also questions our own motives in a relationship. Are we trying to get our partner to do the work on ourselves that we should be doing? Are we needy and seeking approval all the time? Or are we untrue to ourselves because we are doing whatever it takes to get the approval of the other person?
The issue I have with the book is that I come away with the feeling that the entire fabric of a relationship is dependent on me. I also think that the book gives short shrift to real problems in relationships, such as emotional and physical abuse, addictions, etc. If there are children in a relationship, we need to be very aware of the lessons we are teaching them when we do our relationship work. If it's at all possible to make a relationship better, or salvage one that's going through difficulties, Byron's work may help. However, there are times when deciding to end a relationship is appropriate.
We also have our own needs and desires which need to be taken into account. If we have a need to be touched frequently and our spouse is uncomfortable with physical expression of love, it can cause many problems. Saying "He should touch us," isn't a true statement," doesn't solve the problem.
All-in-all, I believe that the book is worth reading, perhaps borrowed from a friend or the library prior to purchase. Byron's work just doesn't resonate with some people. I think it also needs to be read in conjunction with other books on relationships because it isn't a total solution. If your relationship is having serious difficulties, it's also important to reach out to a helping professional.