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Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It Kindle Edition
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A former international hostage negotiator for the FBI offers a new, field-tested approach to high-stakes negotiations—whether in the boardroom or at home.
After a stint policing the rough streets of Kansas City, Missouri, Chris Voss joined the FBI, where his career as a hostage negotiator brought him face-to-face with a range of criminals, including bank robbers and terrorists. Reaching the pinnacle of his profession, he became the FBI’s lead international kidnapping negotiator. Never Split the Difference takes you inside the world of high-stakes negotiations and into Voss’s head, revealing the skills that helped him and his colleagues succeed where it mattered most: saving lives. In this practical guide, he shares the nine effective principles—counterintuitive tactics and strategies—you too can use to become more persuasive in both your professional and personal life.
Life is a series of negotiations you should be prepared for: buying a car, negotiating a salary, buying a home, renegotiating rent, deliberating with your partner. Taking emotional intelligence and intuition to the next level, Never Split the Difference gives you the competitive edge in any discussion.
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- PublisherHarper Business
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2016
May 17
- File size3.3 MB
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Editorial Reviews
Review
Never Split the Difference is a different kind of business book-one that emphasizes the importance of emotional intelligence without sacrificing deal-making power. It comes from the pen of a former hostage negotiator-someone who couldn't take no for an answer-which makes it fascinating reading. But it's also eminently practical. In these pages, you will find the techniques for getting the deal you want.
-- "Daniel H. Pink, New York Times bestselling author"Former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss has few equals when it comes to high stakes negotiations. Whether for your business or your personal life, his techniques work.
-- "Joe Navarro, FBI special agent (ret.) and author of What Every Body Is Saying"This book blew my mind. It's a riveting read, full of instantly actionable advice-not just for high-stakes negotiations, but also for handling everyday conflicts at work and at home.
-- "Adam Grant, New York Times bestselling author"Voss, who believes that 'life is negotiation, ' has set out to help readers get what they want out of any given situation, without harming the other parties. Along with telling stories of his time in the FBI, he guides readers through key lessons, such as how to 'confront without confrontation, ' understand an opponent's emotions, become good at saying no, manipulate your opponent's reality, and develop the calm but authoritative vocal style he calls 'the late-night FM DJ voice.' Chatty and friendly and packed with helpful resources, this is an intriguing approach to business and personal negotiations.
-- "Publishers Weekly" --This text refers to the audioCD edition.From the Back Cover
A field-tested, game-changing approach to high-stakes negotiations—whether in the boardroom or at home.
Never Split the Difference is a riveting, indispensable handbook of negotiation principles culled and perfected from Chris Voss’s remarkable career as a hostage negotiator and later as an award-winning teacher in the world’s most prestigious business schools. From policing the rough streets of Kansas City, Missouri, to becoming the FBI’s lead international kidnapping negotiator to teaching negotiation at leading universities, Voss has tested these techniques across the full spectrum of human endeavor and proved their effectiveness. Those who have benefited from these techniques include business clients generating millions in additional profits, MBA students getting better jobs, and even parents dealing with their kids.
Never Split the Difference provides a gripping, behind-the-scenes recounting of dramatic scenarios from the gang-infested streets of Haiti to a Brooklyn bank robbery gone horribly wrong, revealing the negotiation strategies that helped Voss and his colleagues succeed where it mattered most: saving lives. As a world-class negotiator, Voss shows you how to use these skills in the workplace and in every other realm of your life.
Life is a series of negotiations: whether buying a car, getting a better raise, buying a home, renegotiating rent, or deliberating with your partner, Never Split the Difference gives you the competitive edge in any discussion.
Advance praise for Never Split The Difference
“This book blew my mind. It’s a riveting read, full of instantly actionable advice—not just for high-stakes negotiations, but also for handling everyday conflicts at work and at home.”—Adam Grant, Wharton Professor and New York Times bestselling author of originals and give and take
“Emphasizes the importance of emotional intelligence without sacrificing deal-making power. From the pen of a former hostage negotiator—someone who couldn’t take no for an answer—which makes it fascinating reading. But it’s also eminently practical. In these pages, you will find the techniques for getting the deal you want.”—Daniel H. Pink, bestselling author of To Sell Is Human and Drive
“Former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss has few equals when it comes to high-stakes negotiations. Whether for your business or your personal life, his techniques work.”—Joe Navarro, FBI Special Agent (Ret.) and author of the international bestseller What Every Body Is Saying
“Your business—basically your entire life—comes down to your performance in crucial conversations, and these tools will give you the edge you need. . . .It’s required reading for my employees because I use the lessons in this book every single day, and I want them to, too.”—Jason McCarthy, CEO of GORUCK
--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.Review
Former FBI Hostage Negotiator Chris Voss has few equals when it comes to high stakes negotiations. Whether for your business or your personal life, his techniques work.” — Joe Navarro, FBI Special Agent (Ret.) and author of the international bestseller, What Every Body is Saying
Chatty and friendly and packed with helpful resources, this is an intriguing approach to business and personal negotiations. — Publishers Weekly
--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.About the Author
Chris Voss is one of the preeminent practitioners and professors of negotiation skills in the world. He is the founder and principal of The Black Swan Group, a consulting firm that provides training and advises Fortune 500 companies through complex negotiations. He currently teaches at the University of Southern California’s Marshall School of Business and Georgetown University’s McDonough School of Business, and has lectured at other leading universities, including Harvard Law School, the MIT Sloan School of Management, and Northwestern University’s Kellogg School of Management.
Tahl Raz uncovers big ideas and great stories that ignite change and growth in people and organizations. He is an award-winning journalist and co-author of the New York Times bestseller Never Eat Alone. When not researching or writing, he coaches executives, lectures widely on the forces transforming the new world of work, and serves as an editorial consultant for several national firms. He invites readers to e-mail him at tr@tahlraz.com and to visit his website at www.tahlraz.com.
--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.From the Inside Flap
A field-tested, game-changing approach to high-stakes negotiations--whether in the boardroom or at home.
Never Split the Difference is a riveting, indispensable handbook of negotiation principles culled and perfected from Chris Voss's remarkable career as a hostage negotiator and later as an award-winning teacher in the world's most prestigious business schools. From policing the rough streets of Kansas City, Missouri, to becoming the FBI's lead international kidnapping negotiator to teaching negotiation at leading universities, Voss has tested these techniques across the full spectrum of human endeavor and proved their effectiveness. Those who have benefited from these techniques include business clients generating millions in additional profits, MBA students getting better jobs, and even parents dealing with their kids.
Never Split the Difference provides a gripping, behind-the-scenes recounting of dramatic scenarios from the gang-infested streets of Haiti to a Brooklyn bank robbery gone horribly wrong, revealing the negotiation strategies that helped Voss and his colleagues succeed where it mattered most: saving lives. As a world-class negotiator, Voss shows you how to use these skills in the workplace and in every other realm of your life.
Life is a series of negotiations: whether buying a car, getting a better raise, buying a home, renegotiating rent, or deliberating with your partner, Never Split the Difference gives you the competitive edge in any discussion.
Advance praise for Never Split The Difference
"This book blew my mind. It's a riveting read, full of instantly actionable advice--not just for high-stakes negotiations, but also for handling everyday conflicts at work and at home."--Adam Grant, Wharton Professor and New York Times bestselling author of originals and give and take
"Emphasizes the importance of emotional intelligence without sacrificing deal-making power. From the pen of a former hostage negotiator--someone who couldn't take no for an answer--which makes it fascinating reading. But it's also eminently practical. In these pages, you will find the techniques for getting the deal you want."--Daniel H. Pink, bestselling author of To Sell Is Human and Drive
"Former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss has few equals when it comes to high-stakes negotiations. Whether for your business or your personal life, his techniques work."--Joe Navarro, FBI Special Agent (Ret.) and author of the international bestseller What Every Body Is Saying
"Your business--basically your entire life--comes down to your performance in crucial conversations, and these tools will give you the edge you need. . . .It's required reading for my employees because I use the lessons in this book every single day, and I want them to, too."--Jason McCarthy, CEO of GORUCK
--Publishers Weekly --This text refers to an alternate kindle_edition edition.Product details
- ASIN : B014DUR7L2
- Publisher : Harper Business; 1st edition (May 17, 2016)
- Publication date : May 17, 2016
- Language : English
- File size : 3401 KB
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- Screen Reader : Supported
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Sticky notes : On Kindle Scribe
- Print length : 260 pages
- Best Sellers Rank: #766 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- Customer Reviews:
About the authors

Tahl Raz is a storyteller of big ideas in business, technology and the social sciences that are transforming the way we work and live. An award-winning journalist and best-selling author, he has edited and published in everything from Inc. Magazine and GQ to Harvard Business Review and the Jerusalem Post. Management guru Tom Peters called his first co-authored book, “Never Eat Alone,” one of “the most extraordinary and valuable business books” of recent history. The book is still in hardcover over a decade later and is now used as a textbook in MBA programs around the world. He has held roles as a Chief Content Officer, CEO of an online education company called MyGreenLight, and founder and editor-in-chief of Jewcy Media. He lives in New York City with his wife, daughter, and a very fat Pug named Bibi.

A 24 year veteran of the FBI, Chris Voss is one of the preeminent practitioners and professors of negotiating skills in the world. He is the founder and principal of The Black Swan Group, a consulting firm that provides training and advises Fortune 500 companies through complex negotiations. Voss has taught for many business schools, including the University of Southern California’s Marshall School of Business, Georgetown University’s McDonough School of Business, Harvard University, MIT’s Sloan School of Management, and Northwestern University’s Kellogg School of Management, among others.
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Would highly recommend!
That said, who better to guide you in the best techniques for negotiation than someone who was involved in genuinely high-stakes negotiating – world-class ex-FBI hostage negotiator, Chris Voss. Having seen too many B-Grade movies, your perception of dealing with hostage-takers, as was mine, may be assembling an armour-clad SWAT team, getting a clear head shot at the hostage taker, and rescuing the terrified victims.
After seeing too many incidents end in disaster for the victims, the FBI turned to using very sophisticated negotiation techniques. Most business negotiators are raised on the “Getting to Yes” approach of Fisher and Ury. One of their keys to negotiating is the assumption that the other side is going to “act rationally and selfishly in trying to maximize their position.” Your task is to get as much as you can. The only people who come close to doing this are those negotiating with other people’s money and who will make an outsized commission irrespective of the outcome.
The book’s title, ‘Never Split the Difference’, highlights the deficiencies in this approach. What is splitting the difference in a hostage negotiation? I’ll give you $5m instead of your asking price of $10m and you kill only 8 hostages and free 12?
“Negotiation, as you’ll learn it here, is nothing more than communication with results,” Voss explains. The economist Amos Tversky and the psychologist Daniel Kahneman, the founders of the field of behavioural economics, won a Nobel Prize for demonstrating that man is in fact, (and even in business,) a very irrational beast.
The beauty of the method Voss teaches is how easy it is to grasp the basics, even if it may take years to perfect these techniques. The method Voss describes was developed because it is easy to teach, easy to learn, and easy to execute. It was designed for police officers who weren’t interested in becoming academics or therapists. They simply needed a highly effective way of changing the behaviour of the hostage-taker, and to shift the emotional environment of the crisis just enough so that they can secure the safety of everyone involved.
If indeed you don’t get what you deserve, only what you ask for, you have to ask correctly. So, claim your prerogative to ask for what you think is right.
The centrepiece of this book, is ‘Tactical Empathy’ and it works. This doesn’t involve agreeing with the other person’s values and beliefs or giving out hugs, that’s sympathy.
Tactical Empathy is contingent on active listening – listening hard and doing so in a relationship-affirming way. Active Listening involves techniques such as Labelling, Mirroring, Accusation Audit, silences and more. I will address only a few.
Labelling is repeating your counterpart’s perspective back to them. You will be able to disarm your counterpart’s complaints by repeating them aloud. Labels almost always begin with the same words: It seems like … It looks like… It sounds like … and not “I’m hearing that …” The word “I” gets people’s guard up.
There is enough research that indicates that the best way to address negativity is to observe it, without reaction and without judgment. Then label the negative feeling and replace it with positive, compassionate, and solution-based thoughts. “You seem disappointed that the price you were expecting to achieve is being rejected…” Then listen encouragingly so a solution can be found.
There are three voices that are useful in a negotiation, one Voss calls the “late-night, FM DJ voice”: it is non-threating, soft, and calming. Talk that starts with “I’m sorry …” and a soft smile, makes people more open to creative solutions because their brains are not freezing in fear or anger.
“Mirroring” is feeding back to your counterpart what they have just said. Not the body language. Not the accent. Not the tone or delivery. Just the words. Sometimes repeating only the last three words or the critical one to three words of what someone has just said, will produce the desired effect. Your counterpart will inevitably elaborate, and even reveal more information that will further fuel the negotiation. Mirrors work magic.
By affirming what you are hearing, you are showing you understand (not support or concur with) your counterpart’s worldview.
“It seems like you want us to let you go.” Or “It seems like you don’t want to go ahead with the sale under these conditions.” When they can say to you “That’s right…” you have connected in a meaningful way that will allow for the exploration of other options. If they had said, “You’re right…” more often than not, they are fobbing you off.
“I always try to reinforce the message that being right isn’t the key to a successful negotiation—having the right mindset is,” Voss explains. Negotiation is not a battle between opposing forces.
By doing an accusation audit in advance, you can often surface what is their concern upfront and eliminate it. When teaching negotiation, Voss invites students to roleplay. Knowing what is going to bother them, he introduces the process with: “In case you’re worried about volunteering to roleplay with me in front of the class, I want to tell you in advance … it’s going to be horrible… (But) those of you who do volunteer will probably get more out of this than anyone else.” The response is always positive.
By listing every terrible thing your counterpart could say about you, you can address it, with playful seriousness, and elicit the useful ‘That’s right…’ reponse.
“In the decades since my initiation into the world of high-stakes negotiations, I’ve been struck again and again by how valuable these seemingly simple approaches can be. The ability to get inside the head—and eventually under the skin—of your counterpart depends on these techniques and a willingness to change your approach, based on new evidence, along the way.”
This is a remarkably engaging book, that reads like a novel, complete with reports of Voss’s gripping experiences chosen to highlight what he teaches. This is a must read for anyone whose work involves negotiation. For those who are not so engaged, read it anyway even if your most serious negotiation is your noisy neighbour or getting a seat on a “fully booked” flight.
Readability Light --+-- Serious
Insights High +---- Low
Practical High +---- Low
*Ian Mann of Gateways consults internationally on leadership and strategy and is the author of the recently released Executive Update.
I thought I’d learned what I needed to know about negotiation. I went to a prestigious business school and took their negotiation class, learning all about Getting Yes, BATNA, and other fancy acronyms. I’d also had to bargain my share in both work and personal life. Yet, I felt like the tools I’d been given were meant for some alternate reality where people are totally dispassionate, rational robots, doing math in their heads to get to logical outcomes. The negotiations I’d been in with were instead with passionate, irrational (including myself) humans, sometimes getting angry or sad, often making decisions that didn’t “make any sense” (to me). I was pretty sure the negotiation outcomes we were getting to were subpar, both for me and for them: a lot of splitting the difference, mostly to make the negotiations — which felt uncomfortable for all parties — stop.
Note, when I mean “negotiation”, I’m speaking pretty broadly: from “negotiating" with my fiancée on who should walk the dog tonight, to negotiating with an employee on why this feature needed to be built urgently, to negotiating with an angry customer who’d called me angry about something, to negotiating with my parents on wedding plans, the list goes on. Each negotiation tougher and more emotional than the next, yet with tools that told me emotions didn’t matter. Huh?
I don’t remember how I came across Never Split the Difference, but man, am I glad I did. The book exposed me to a whole different way of negotiating, questioning the rational toolkit I’d been given in business school and replacing it with a more human set of tools. This set based on psychology and understanding of normal human emotions. It builds on empathy and active listening skills, layers on ways to label emotions and ask open-ended calibrated questions. It includes polite ways to say “no” without offending the other party, and many more. Most importantly it builds a framework that lets you deeply understand what the other party needs, wants, and desires, and work with them to achieve an outcome where you get your goals met — without ever “splitting the difference” again.
And it has worked wonders. Since reading this book, I have:
- Forged a better relationship with my fiancée by actively listening to her before jointly finding solutions
- Negotiated successful resolutions to emotionally charged topics with parents and friends
- Brought angry customers — who felt we had failed them — back from the brink to trusting us again
- Forged a better relationship with my business partners by understanding how they value time, silence, relationships, surprises, etc…
- Gotten discounts on things that I didn’t think could be discounted, just by using my name
- Gotten to the front of the waiting line at busy restaurants
- Said no to bad deals, because no deal is better than a bad one
- the list goes on.
I warn you that this book is the start of a rabbit hole that you might want to keep digging down. I’ve recommended this book to anyone who will listen, personally bought it 29 times as a gift for friends & coworkers alike, taken an online class (taught by the author’s son, a brilliant negotiator in his own right), etc...
Negotiation, in the broadest sense as described above, is something I want to become an expert in, because I now understand that every conversation is a negotiation. This is likely the most useful skill you can learn and apply.
It all started with this book. Are you too busy to read it?
Top reviews from other countries
The problem is that the discussion fails to consistently & convincingly bridge the divide between hostage negotiation and everyday layperson or business negotiation.
Sure, the anecdotes that begin each chapter with a live hostage negotiation are exciting and well-written storytelling. However, the author too often treats the other party in negotiation like some crazed terrorist beyond help or understanding. Like they're subhumans that won't submit to logic, reason, or peaceable negotiations. Yes, they may be inhumane terrorists or criminals to the USA FBI, but in their mind or culture, they're reasonable people.
The language is also demeaning and juiced with unconscious bias. For example, in describing a former role as suicide hotline operator, he labels frequent callers as "highly dysfunctional people, energy vampires whom no one else would listen to anymore." That kind of blatant disregard for people quickly saps the author's credibility. Whether they are or aren't is irrelevant; it's the tone and attitude and stereotyped labeling that hurt the lessons delivered. Furthermore, the author seems to take a strange pride in dealing or shutting off these crazed crackpots. "I was a natural," he'd brag, or describe how consistently he out-negotiated money from Harvard law students by asking, "How am I supposed to do that?" He constantly talks about being "eager to put my new skills to the test" for hostage negotiations without going into depth about what those skills are, or how they'd apply to our real-life scenarios.
The book's saving grace is that there are real-life examples, such as negotiating a sale price or business deal with people at Coca Cola or the local used car dealership. It's just that those examples rarely tie back to the hostage negotiations because the people on the other side are labeled and characterized so differently. I can't frame an experienced landlord as terrorists described as maniacal killers without some guidance.
It also feels robotic at times, like the author -- as FBI negotiator -- is just trying to get a desired result rather than trying to make a genuine emotional connection and effort to understand the other side. When criminals like bank robber Watts and the devout Christian are successfully negotiated to surrender, Voss ends the story, never telling us whether or not the people actually reform, or if they are treated fairly under arrest. As such, the negotiations feel artificial and hollow, in the sense that the FBI got what it wanted, but did the other side? Did they feel betrayed after being handcuffed and led to prison?
Negotiations in everyday life don't end with one party jailed, or terrorists blacklisted. These are real human beings, and how they view the result is as important as the technique used to receive it, because in real life negotiations, you often have to continue the relationship, or see the other party again. The book reads like it was written by a cop -- or worse yet, a government official. He does discuss the psychology and emotional aspect of negotiation to great lengths, but it often reads like he's maniacally trying to bring the other side to justice, overly convinced of being in the right, as the language just smacks of self-righteousness. It dehumanizes the people on the other side of the negotiation, as objects to be manipulated to an end, rather than human beings with whom you have to continue to deal amicably. It feels like I'm talking to a cop that has stopped me for driving over the speed limit, and he's pointing his flashlight at me, treating my explanations like those of a greasy criminal, and then talking me down with an overbearing air of mm-hmm superiority.
Techniques like mirroring, labeling, Ackerman bargaining, and categorization of Analyst/Accommodator/Assertives are applicable! I gained a lot from viewing things from those lenses. The author also redeems himself by writing, "Taking a positive, constructive approach to conflict involves understanding that the bond is fundamental to any resolution. Never create an enemy."
"The person across the table is never the problem. The unsolved issue is. So focus on the issue. This is one of the most basic tactics for avoiding emotional escalations."
Those kinds of statements ring true and applicable!
It's just that the FBI hostage negotiation angle too often focuses on the mental derangement and instability, inhumanity, or opacity of the hostage taker, terrorist or not. Take out some of that thrill and self-pats-on-the-back, and this book is fundamentally solid.
La idea central en sí es sencilla, y es hacer ver a la otra parte que sus pretensiones son irreales o no tienen base. No obstante el libro presenta el proceso como una serie de fases o herramientas que hay que utilizar en conjunto.
Y cabe indicar que una vez leido el libro y entendidas las herramientas a utilizar, la negociación hay que preparársela de antemano. No sirve sentarse a la mesa e intentar aplicar las herramientas en medio de la improvisación.
Puede que haya gente que tilde el libro de simplista, pero a mí me funcionó, y me ayudó mucho psicólogicamente saber que a raiz de eso, en cierto modo, tenía la sartén por el mango y podía identificar como estaba reaccionando la otra parte.
I have never been a good negotiator, but I’ve started practising the teachings from in here.
One thing I would change is some more examples.
The book is a great mix of his experiences as a negotiator and simple, very practical tips for all levels of negotiation - from negotiating a real or fake Christmas Tree with your wife to the ultimate negotiation when lives are at stake. Despite what some feedback on amazon that there should be more real life examples of his concepts, theres a certain thrill in reading about real world hostage negotiation from an experienced FBI agent. It seems like Chris is using his real-world examples to make his points. Can't ask for more real world that that!
The book is delivered in a very easy to read format, with a key lessons section for each chapter and some worksheets for practical use towards the end. The books ideas and concepts range from (what some might call popular-phycology) ‘mirroring’ and ‘labeling’ techniques to counter-intuitive negotiation principles such as “Beware YES – Master No”. There is a natural flow to the book that allows the reader to enjoy the content while absorbing the concepts in a step by step manner.
There’s even a practical example of how to ask for a pay rise from your boss.
Finally, I think this book carries some great examples of Emotional Intelligence attributes, such as self-awareness, self-regulation and empathy that are invaluable skills for all to learn.
Great read, recommend to all interested in this genre.






















