In this combination self-help and public policy book, Martin Hellman (ed.: Breakthrough: Emerging New Thinking, 1988) and debut author Dorothie Hellman present their narrative in the form of a dialogue between themselves. The book is divided into two parts, with the first focused primarily on their decadeslong marriage and the second on the relationship between the United States and the rest of the world, but the same themes run through both. Although the idea of applying marital advice to foreign relations may raise readers' eyebrows at first, the authors make a persuasive case for it. They describe the mechanics of their successful but often contentious marriage and demonstrate the personal benefits they derived from taking a holistic approach to their arguments, placing compassion at the center of their decision-making, and accepting that neither person has any control over what the other does. They then apply lessons learned from buying a new car, managing an interfaith marriage, and meeting each other's emotional needs to the concept of improving U.S. relations with Russia, Syria, Iraq, Cuba, North Korea, and Vietnam. The authors also address the issue of nuclear disarmament, a cause that the Hellmans have long supported. The book is at once conversational and solidly informative, and it includes thorough citations. The casual tone ("Dorothie and I don't expect the nations of the world to love each other the way we do, but we do expect them to grow up enough to reduce the risk of global devastation to a more reasonable level") makes for an easy, engaging read, and the authors' clear passion and dedication to their subject on both a personal and a global level add weight to their arguments. The authors demonstrate wide-ranging knowledge and enthusiasm as they urge even skeptical readers to consider the benefits of a new relationship paradigm.
An enjoyable, thought-provoking approach to addressing conflicts between two people and between nations. --Kirkus Reviews
"Marty and Dorothie Hellman have written a truly unique book thattells an engaging and persuasive story relating domestic peace to worldpeace. This book should be read by married couples seeking peace athome, as well as by diplomats seeking peace in the world. This is anespecially important work considering the enormously destructive powerof nuclear weapons.The struggle for interpersonal dominance can lead tothe end of a marriage, but the struggle for geopolitical dominance canlead to the end of civilization." William J. Perry, Secretary of Defense 1994-1997
"This is the most thoughtful, unique, and fascinating book I haveever read on personal and international diplomacy. Drawing from theirown poignant experiences in managing spousal relations - candid storiesthat will resonate with all readers - Dorothie and Marty Hellmanpersuasively apply their life lessons to the domain of foreign affairs.We are often puzzled when peoples of two nations seem to get along,while their governments are at loggerheads. The Hellman's have much tosay about why this does not have to be so." Ambassador and Lt. Gen. Karl W. Eikenberry (U.S. Army, Retired) Commander of Coalition forces inAfghanistan (2005-2007) and US Ambassador to Afghanistan (2009-2011)
"I really enjoyed reading A New Map for Relationships. Yourpersonal story is both charming and very valuable. It has helped me toimprove my relationship with my wife, even though she has not yet readthe book. I'm looking forward to her doing so, so that we can discuss it together. I really loved the way you integrated resolving interpersonal and international conflicts. Your journey of discovery andtransformation is one of hope for couples and for the planet. Thank youso much for sharing it." David Krieger, President, Nuclear Age PeaceFoundation
"This is the most impressive book I've ever read. I've never seenanything as personally touching and thought provoking. I will embracethe journey." Axel Merk, President of Merk Investments, manager of theMerk Mutual Funds
"A New Map for Relationships is an ambitious and bold studythat thoughtfully combines the personal and the political-historical torelate helpful insights to the improvement of both personal andinternational relations. Its analysis of international conflicts isprobing and heavily historically-oriented. It urges honesty, truth, andunderstanding, and stresses the value of empathy, tolerance, andforbearance with both wisdom and compassion." Barton J. Bernstein,Professor of History, Emeritus, Stanford University
"Marty and Dorothie Hellman offer a 'unified field theory' forsuccessful relationships at all levels of the human family. The Hellmans use compellingpersonal and historical examples to illustrate howcompassionate, holistic solutions will provide personal security,national security and internationalsecurity. Every spouse, partner,citizen, and world leader should read this book!" Daniel U. Smith,Appellate Attorney and Board Member, The Ploughshares Fund
"It is indeed true that each of us carries the fuse of the nuclearthreat in her individual heart. It is also true that we generally do not know that simple fact. Some of us go out of our way on a mission tosolve the nuclear threat 'out there, ' without recognizing that the only way to solve it is 'in here.' When a person finally discovers thehatred that harbors in his heart, he crosses the threshold that leads to wisdom. This book can greatly accelerate that process." Dr. FedericoFaggin, designer of the world's first microprocessor"
About the Author
After spending several decades following a relationship map that had her repeatedly driving off cliffs, Dorothie found the courage to tear it up and piece together a new map that allowed her to reach the place of love, acceptance and peace where she had always wanted to dwell. That allowed her and her husband Marty to transform an almost failed marriage into one in which anger became a nightmare of the past. To accomplish that, Dorothie has spent more than half her life studying anger, fear and grief, as well as joy, love and compassion. Practicing compassion was particularly important in her journey and is the centerpiece of her part of this book. Dorothie was trained as a CPA and worked at Touche Ross, now Deloitte. She left that career to become a full-time volunteer at the Beyond War Foundation, where she served as Vice President for Financial Support in the 1980s. She and Marty have been together for fifty years and, as you'll learn from this book, they had to navigate some very rocky patches and fall in love with our planet to recover true love at home.