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The New Marriage: Transcending the Happily-Ever-After Myth Paperback – October, 2000
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From Publishers Weekly
Although between 50 and 60% of marriages in the U.S. fail, therapists Linda Miles and Robert Miles believe that the high divorce rate is largely the result of our increasing expectations for what marriage should be. In the spiritual yet practical The New Marriage: Transcending the Happily-Ever-After Myth--How to Put Your Relationship Back on Track, the Mileses teach readers how to climb the mountain that will transform their marriages after the honeymoon period is long gone and apathy has set in.
Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.
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MUCH better books: "Making Marriage Work for Dummies" by Markus Steffen or alternatively anything that is written by John Gottman.
The authors skillfully used case examples to demonstrate the pitfalls a newly married couple face as they enter the marriage relationship. A combination of down-to-earth advice and supportive illustrations move the reader to work toward a loving commitment and an exclusive relationship.
The author's provide the reader with a series of "transformation exercises". These include questions that are pointed, and thought provoking. Working through these questions help each individual of the partnership to discover self and move on to the "conditions of change" suggested by the authors. These exercises are therapeutic and enable the reader to integrate into self acceptance through self examination.
The reader is guided through steps of turning set backs into new learning. As I took an inward look at myself, I recognized my insecurities, and unresolved identity issues. I was then able to establish a plan of action to take steps toward resolution of these issues.
The poems from William Blake, Shakespeare, and other classic writers established a softer tone to the heavier issues introduced in the text of each chapter.
The book is thoroughly researched and documented. An extensive bibliography and a comprehensive index are provided which become excellent tools for frequent future reference.
This is a book that can be used by guidance counselors, and professional therapists. It is a book I can highly recommend for every engaged or married couple who want to "sustain a transcendent union", to those who want to build and strengthen the marriage experience.
Dr's Miles bring a unique perspective to the area of relationship counseling - they are married therepists (Ph.D.s in counseling and psychiatry)whose work reflects the living of a transformational relationship. Their observations ring true to anyone who has experienced an unsuccessful relationship, or who has learned (or is learning) how to make a relationship grow and survive.
The authors communicate in a jargon-free, reader friendly style that makes the book easily accesable to all readers; but also with insightful observations that make it attractive to professionals in the field as a counseling tool. They make it clear that the journey from the Mountain of Innocence through the Valley of Disappointment to the Mountain of Transformation is not easy, but it is accessable to those who are commited to their relationships and are willing to develop the self-knowledge to be mature, accepting partners. They also offer valuable insights to readers who need to unload the psychological baggage they carry that may be preventing them from building strong, mature relationships.
Since finding this book, I have shared it with several couples in the early stages of their relationships, as well as soon others who are well on their way.