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The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating Paperback – January 6, 2015
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"Enlightenment Now: The Case for Reason, Science, Humanism, and Progress"
Is the world really falling apart? Is the ideal of progress obsolete? Cognitive scientist and public intellectual Steven Pinker urges us to step back from the gory headlines and prophecies of doom, and instead, follow the data: In seventy-five jaw-dropping graphs, Pinker shows that life, health, prosperity, safety, peace, knowledge, and happiness are on the rise. Learn more
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About the Author
Communicator, author, and pastor Andy Stanley founded Atlanta-based North Point Ministries in 1995. Today, NPM consists of six churches in the Atlanta area and a network of more than 70 churches around the globe that collectively serve nearly 118,000 people weekly.
As host of Your Move with Andy Stanley, which delivers over seven million messages each month through television and podcasts, and author of more than 20 books, including The New Rules for Love, Sex & Dating; Ask It; How to Be Rich; Deep & Wide; Visioneering; and Next Generation Leader, he is considered one of the most influential pastors in America.
Andy and his wife, Sandra, have three grown children and live near Atlanta.
Top customer reviews
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Having never received "the talk," I feel this short, easy-to-read book provides far more information in a clear, concise, no-nonsense format than any ten minute talk my father could have given me.
The life principles Andy teaches are brilliant in their simplicity. The book has Christian overtones, but the information can be applied in anyone's life regardless of religious beliefs and age.
I would highly recommend buying this book for your kids when they are junior high school age or more. Ideally, the children and parent(s) should both read it and discuss it. Some of the concepts require a little more maturity to understand, so the children should simply put the book on a shelf and read it (and discuss it) once a year until they understand the information.
This book is also excellent for older single and divorced men and women, who have made some relationship mistakes, want a fresh start, and wish to avoid making as many relationship mistakes as possible.
I highly recommend this book. It can change your life and save you or your children from making some fairly basic and completely avoidable relationship mistakes.
Life has become increasingly complicated in the new millennium, in part, because American culture has thrown out “the rule book”. Some blame the pill; some blame the feminists; some blame the media. Whatever the reason, the irony is that the emotional and financial costs of broken relationships have never been higher.
In his new book, The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating, Andy Stanley writes:
“I’m not all that interested in why things are the way they are. I’m more interested in helping you navigate the way things are. My purpose in writing is to increase your relational satisfaction” (14).
Fair enough. But then Stanley then goes on to offer a rather rare insight:
“I’ve met with many struggling married couples who would describe themselves as having ‘marriage problems.’ But in all my years I’ve never talked to a married couple that actually had a marriage problem. What I have discovered is that people with problems get married and their problems collide. What was manageable as a single person eventually becomes unmanageable within the context of marriage” (20).
Wow. This is getting down to brass tacks! Instead of looking for that perfect person to solve all your problems, Stanley says—hey, look in the mirror!
Andy Stanley is a pastor who does not sound or write like a pastor. He describes himself as a communicator, author, and pastor and founder of North Point Ministries in Atlanta, Georgia. His book is written in 10 chapters, including:
1. The Right Person Myth;
2. Commitment is Overrated;
3. Becoming the Right Person;
4. So Becoming;
5. Love Is;
6. Gentleman’s Club;
7. The Way Forward;
8. The Talk;
9. Designer Sex; and
10. If I were You (7-8).
These chapters are preceded by acknowledgments and an introduction. They are followed by conclusions, notes, and a small group discussion guide. A DVD video study is also available.
This is a book filled with a lot of wisdom. For example, Stanley’s discussion of 1 Corinthians 13 in chapter 5 is priceless—he describes it as your list of suggestions on becoming the person that you would want to meet (76). One item on this list is patience: Love is patient (1 Cor 13:4). Stanley notes that impatience is an emotion, not a decision, and it does not come naturally. We all have a natural pace and get angry when others don’t go along. Stanley explains that love means deferring to someone else to set the pace—in time, space, and margin just as much as they need (79).
The cliff notes version of Stanley’s advice is found in chapter 10 which he describes as the “hard sell”.
Stanley knows his audience. He starts this chapter by repeating a challenge that he made earlier: “Beginning today, take a year off from all romantic and sexual pursuits” (170). This is the hard sell part. Psychiatrists tell us that addictions are forever—abstinence is the only prescription that truly works. Bad habits take two weeks to break—bad sexual habits fall somewhere in-between. While this might sound like a high price to pay for moral clarity, but the life you save may be your own.
Stanley suggests that you spend this year proactively doing some important things to become the sort of person that the person you want to meet would find attractive. He has 5 suggestions:
1. Address your past—face up to your issues;
2. Break some bad habits (substance abuse, bad attitudes, poor fashion choices…);
3. Set some standards—how far is too far?
4. Get out of Debt—don’t expect to dump debt on a potential spouse; and
5. Go (back) to church—hang out in the right place (172).
Remember the mirror mentioned earlier? You cannot change someone else but you can work on becoming someone they might actually want to get to know.
This is not a preachy book, but it is an in-your-face book. Although my wife, Maryam, and I have been married for 30 years, I was already 30 when I got married. This implies that I was single for a long time. Reading Stanley’s book back then would have saved me a lot of pain. Go for it. Read it. Take it seriously. Save yourself a lot of pain.
 Stanley writes: “ever purchase something from a big box retailer and open the box to find a card that reads something along these lines? If this product is defective or a piece is missing, do not return to the place of purchase. Instead, contact us at 1-800-ITS-YOUR-FAULT.” (59)
 The leading cause of suicide among young people is a broken relationship.