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The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work Paperback – January 29, 2008
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Advance praise for The New Rules of Marriage
“Terry Real helps overturn old-fashioned, confining roles and opens up a treasury of hope for lasting and exciting intimacy for couples everywhere. This is a wonderful, joyful, and highly useful book.”
–Edward Hallowell, M.D., author of Crazy Busy
“Falling in love is easy, staying in love is another matter. Couples yearning for more closeness are truly in uncharted territory . . . until now, that is. This book offers amazing new insights about men and women and what it takes to make relationships work in our ever-changing culture.”
–Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW, author of Divorce Busting
“If you’re tired of the same old dance, get ready to learn a few new steps–real steps–the ones that will make a difference in your life and the lives of those you love.”
–Cheryl Richardson, author of Life Makeovers
“Terrence Real offers a brilliant, winning strategy for achieving the full-tilt, authentic, exhilarating connection both women and men crave. Real’s revolutionary program is sure to lead them to it–with the dignity, fairness, and humor that characterizes his work.”
–Dalma Heyn, author of Drama Kings
“An amazing guide to developing powerful relational skills. It is served up with great wit and a keen sense of humor–a great read.”
–Pia Mellody, author of Facing Love Addiction and The Intimacy Factor
“Groundbreaking, insightful, funny, this book brings readers the inside scoop. Sharing the deep and simple truths, it offers us practical wisdom everybody can use to make love work.”
–Bell Hooks, author of All About Love: New Visions
From the Hardcover edition.
About the Author
Terrence Real is the bestselling author of I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression and How Can I Get Through to You?: Reconnecting Men and Women. He has been a practicing family therapist for more than 20 years and has lectured and held workshops across the country. In March 2002, Real founded the Relational Life Institute. His work has been featured on Today and Good Morning America, as well as in The New York Times, Psychology Today, Esquire, and numerous academic publications.
Top customer reviews
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I cannot explain how much this book has helped me in my personal relationship with not only my partner, but even with my parents. I have found the advice in this book to be easy to follow, even if my partner won't follow them with me. Which is another piece of advice in the book. The real stories that are presented in the book also help make the material easier to relate to - even though no exact situation matched mine, it was easy to take bits and pieces from each. I originally purchased this book for Kindle and paid for the Whisper-Sync for Audible. I would highly recommend getting the book and the audio version. It's nice to reinforce the material in the car or on a walk.
I have recommended this book to many friends and family members who are struggling in their relationships. I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it to a perfect stranger - which I suppose I am doing right now!
Oh and unlike what other reviews might suggest, no it does not just target men - it does however clearly speak to the problematic behavior both men AND women have been conditioned to engage in (typically, for men it's disengaging emotionally from the relationship, for women it's taking over the relationship). I didnt find it particularly stereotypical or anything, more talking about the bad behaviors we all can engage in when unhappy in a relationship - and again, the different ones we can begin to engage in to create a happier one.
Whatever model you have now for how relationships are supposed to work, there's a good chance this book will blow it away. Of course, it works better with a willing partner, but you can use it solo as well. The focus is on restoring and growing connectedness and intimacy, not on righting wrongs or a misguided sense of justice.
Men: persevere through the opening, which can come off as male-blaming. It gets better. Much will suddenly make sense that mystified you before.
Women: tons here you can use directly and that your partner can too. You'll find yourself far better able to both understand and be understood, at a very deep level.
Both: Don't try to skim this book. Curl up with it and dig in. Unless you have a great relationship or the emotional strength of a Titan, do not expect to get through it in one sitting. Take the time to absorb and process. You'll need it.
If only I could get my husband to read it.