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No: Why Kids--of All Ages--Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It Paperback – September 4, 2007
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From Publishers Weekly
Psychologist Walsh (Why Do They Act That Way?), president and founder of the National Institute on Media and the Family, tackles a tough subject in this book on how parents can say "no" to their kids and why they should. Walsh argues that we are raising our children in a "Yes" culture that gives kids the message that they can and should have whatever they want whenever they want it. But scientific research, the author contends, reveals that children's brains are primed to learn the concept of "no" early on; in fact, Walsh points out, instant gratification is not the path to resiliency or success. On the contrary, our "yes" culture leads to disappointment and failure when kids later learn that they can't always have their way. Walsh's approach fosters such qualities as perseverance, patience and commitment, emphasizing a balanced parenting style that is neither predominantly negative nor permissive. In age-by-age chapters, he chronicles the developmentally appropriate use of the word, revealing how it helps children grow into self-disciplined, well-adjusted adults. Peppered with anecdotes of other parents' struggles as well as examples from raising his own three kids, Walsh's reassuring voice will give parents the courage to just say "No"—and mean it. (Jan.)
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"This superb book combines science, psychology, and direct experience with adolescents to create a warmhearted, intelligent, and practical guide. Parents will find it immensely informative, reassuring, and useful. I highly recommend it!" -- Edward Hallowell, MD
Top customer reviews
When we give our kids everything (they think) they want it fosters attitudes of instant gratification; worse we set them up for failure and ourselves up for needless struggle and hardships. We or I also need to feel good about holding my children to higher standards and expectations, and Dr. Walsh does and excellent job of spelling that out in this book. There are many suggestions and checklists for each chapter.
This book has so many great lessons and insights; too many to list in the 5 minutes I have to write this review. All I can say is that I highly recommend the book "No' to any parent and then pass it along to some parent who doesn't need it. You will understand what I mean after you read it.
If you're having trouble meaning what you say and saying what you mean, this book may very well help.
If you work with kids - and / or parents this is a "gotta have" book on your shelf.
This book has exceeded my expectations and given me some easy-to-implement ideas and encouragement. It's so much easier to say No to your child when you know that you are doing the best thing for him or her! Walsh's chapters cover all ages, from infancy through the teen years, and there is also a chapter dealing with special needs children, whom Walsh says are "wired differently."
One of my favorite chapters was "Taming the Gimmes." This chapter guides parents toward teaching children to deal with the constant onslaught of advertising and the media. It also has practical advice regarding allowance and teaching your child to share, save, and spend. At our house, we now have three jars set up to visually aide in the dividing of allowance into what is to be shared with others, what is to be saved for a long-term goal, and what can be spent for fun.
Another important chapter deals with raising media-wise children. Walsh recommends limits to TV, video gaming, and computer time, while also acknowledging that children need to learn to access and use media in order to succeed in our world today. It had never occurred to me in this way, but Walsh contends that too much TV and video gaming reinforce the need for instant gratification, which of course then ties into "the gimmes."
Dr. Walsh is the founder of the National Institute on Media and Family, based in Minneapolis, Minnesota, and has written several other books that I feel are likely to be inspiring and of great help to parents, given his down-to-earth writing style. The Institute also has a website, [...]. Check it out for valuable information on "building healthy families through the wise use of media."