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![No More Mr. Nice Guy by [Robert Glover]](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/51Wh+lOZTrL._SY346_.jpg)
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“One of the best books I’ve ever read on men’s emotional health and development.” Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck and Models.
“I have read every self-help book out there, but this was the first that put everything together in a way that made perfect sense to me.”
“Every page of my copy of No More Mr. Nice Guy is highlighted in yellow. How did you know me so well?
A Nice Guy, according to Dr. Robert Glover, a pioneering expert on the Nice Guy Syndrome, is a man who believes he is not okay just as he is. He is convinced that he must become what he thinks others want him to be liked, loved, and get his needs met. He also believes that he must hide anything about himself that might trigger a negative response in others.
The Nice Guy Syndrome typically begins in infancy and childhood when a young boy inaccurately internalizes emotional messages about himself and the world. It is fueled by toxic shame and anxiety. Rapid social change in the late 20th century and early 21st century has contributed to a worldwide explosion of men struggling to find happiness, love, and purpose.
The paradigm of the Nice Guy Syndrome is driven by three faulty covert contracts. Nice Guys believe:
- If I am good, then I will be liked and loved.
- If I meet other people’s needs without them having to ask, then they will meet my needs without me having to ask.
- If I do everything right, then I will have a smooth, problem-free life.
Since the publication ofNo More Mr. Nice Guy in 2003, hundreds of thousands of men worldwide have learned how to release toxic shame, soothe their anxiety, face their fears, connect with men, embrace their passion and purpose, and experience success in work and career. These men have also learned to set boundaries, handle conflict, make their needs a priority, develop satisfying relationships, and experience great sex.
This process of recovery from the Nice Guy Syndrome allows men to move through:
Depression
Social anxiety and shyness
Codependency
Low self-esteem
Loneliness and hopelessness
Feelings of failure
Lack of confidence and purpose
Compulsive behaviors and addictions
Feeling stuck in life
If you are ready to get what you want in love, sex, and life, No More Mr. Nice Guy will show you how.
- LanguageEnglish
- Publication dateNovember 10, 2010
- File size1187 KB
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Editorial Reviews
About the Author
Dr. Glover lives in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, where he writes and leads workshops and seminars for men. His website drglover.com features numerous online courses focusing on personal growth, relationships, sexuality, and career. --This text refers to an alternate kindle_edition edition.
Product details
- ASIN : B004C438CW
- Publication date : November 10, 2010
- Language : English
- File size : 1187 KB
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- Screen Reader : Supported
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Sticky notes : On Kindle Scribe
- Print length : 204 pages
- Best Sellers Rank: #17,360 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- Customer Reviews:
About the authors
Discover more of the author’s books, see similar authors, read author blogs and more
Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan For Getting What You Want in Love, Sex and Life (Running Press, 2003)
Dr. Glover is an internationally recognized authority on the Nice Guy Syndrome. He is a frequent guest on radio talk shows and has been featured in numerous local and national publications.
Through his book, online classes, workshops, podcasts, blogs, consultation, and therapy groups, Dr. Glover has helped change the lives of countless men and women around the world.
As a result of his work, Dr. Glover has helped thousands of Nice Guys transform from being passive, resentful victims to empowered, integrated males. Along with these personal changes have come similar transformations in these men's professional careers and intimate relationships.
Dr. Glover is the creator of Dating Essentials for Men, the director of TPI University, and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the state of Washington.
Dr. Glover divides his year between Bellevue, WA and Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.
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Reviewed in the United States on February 7, 2023
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After years of frustration and depression (even suicidal) I searched for answers and this book was part of the healing process to reprogram my brain to prioritize myself and how I feel. Not to the point of narcissism but to the point of me being happy with or without women and friends. Like Kurt Cobain said "I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not."
READ. THIS. BOOK.
The characteristics of "Nice Guys" are men who have difficulty setting boundaries in relationships with women and become doormats. The men often feel as helpless victims and seeing another person as the cause of problems. Many nice guys live life trying to gain approval for others.
Many nice guys did not have their needs met as boys. As a coping mechanism to try to get their needs met, they try to be nice. Later in life, Nice Guys apply the skills learned as a boy in dealing with women - by being nice - it does not work. When being nice does not work, the Nice Guys try to be even nicer.
Men need to set healthy boundaries in relationships with women. Avoiding conflicts in relationships is problematic - Women do not feel safe with a man they know they can push around. A woman wants to know you will stand up to her. That is how she will feel secure in the relationship. There is a catch - she has to test to see if she can trust you. When you set a boundary, she may strongly test and push against the boundary. She will tell you that you are wrong for having the boundary and do her best to find out if the boundary is for real. Generally, when women feel secure, they feel loved. When a man stands up to a woman, she believes he will likely stand up for her. Setting boundaries creates respect and makes women feel secure and feel loved.
Around 50%+ of marriages end in divorce and usually the mother has primary custody. This places the boy in a subservient position to women and minimizes the father's influence. The mother has a profound influence in upbringing of the boy. Mothers teach their daughters to be more independent and teach their sons to be "nice boys" - dependent on women's approval. During the formative years (0-5 years), most of the boy's school teachers are women, so they learn to be subservient to women. The boy must be nice to gain the teacher's approval and earn good grades. In essence, most of the boy's power figures are women and he must be nice to win their approval. Nice guys learn that their needs are not important or having needs contrary to the women's needs is bad, so they try to please others and become miserable in the process. They become wimps, doormats, nice guys - whatever to avoid conflict in relationships and try to make their women happy.
During the formative years, when a boy set boundaries with either his mother or female teachers - he was taught that it was alright to have those boundaries violated. Later in life these boys grow to become men, but use the outdated strategy developed in childhood to deal with women - by being nice and trying to make women happy at any cost. Since Nice Guys learned to sacrifice themselves in order to survive, recovery must center on learning to put themselves first and making their needs a priority. That's what this book is about.
There were 27 reviews on the book; I read all of them before buying the book. I also read the 3 new reviews since receiving and reading the book. A book of this nature cannot please everyone - it will save some relationships and bury some relationships that have been long dead. Depending upon your life upbringing, the book will either apply to you or not. Since I started reading the book, I have been raving about it. Get this book. I bought a second copy to send to a friend. I even recommended friend who is a single mother raising a son to get this book.
You may ask, what’s wrong with being a nice guy? Everything, when we don’t stand up for ourselves and take responsibility and learn that we are ok just as we are. The book helps nice guys find their real selves and live up to their potential. Kindness is good. But being nice and letting ourselves be run over or hiding our inner secrets and shame is not.
If you think you are too nice and let people run over you, are afraid to step out and try new things, or don’t feel worthy of having more than you have, read this book! You will be glad you did! I am! In fact I’m going to read it again and do the breakout activities. I’ll be the better for it. So will you.
Top reviews from other countries

Eu sou o total oposto do que o livro diz, mas eu não acho que isso é um ponto negativo para o livro. Eu acho que isso é uma prova de que o livro realmente funciona, porque eu já fui um "Nice Guy".
Algo que o doutor Robert Glover recomenda para sair da síndrome de Nice Guy é passar um tempo da vida completamente sozinho.
Antes da pandemia eu era louco pelo o que as pessoas pensavam de min e queria ser o "certinho", como é normal de um Nice Guy. Mas a pandemia começou. Eu fiquei sem escola e meu irmão levou o vídeo game, ou seja, fiquei sem contato com meus amigos.
Então comecei a investir em min mesmo. Foram quase 2 anos sozinhos e foram os melhores anos da minha vida. Nesses dois anos eu só encontrei com um amigo meu na rua por acaso e mais nada. Também conversava às vezes com um amigo meu, que falou para eu começar a investir em min mesmo. O quanto eu evolui nesses dois anos foram impagáveis. Você para de basear o seu sucesso no que os outros acham de você e começa a basear seu sucesso na sua evolução. Deixar de ser certinho e começar a investir em você mesmo é algo muito importante, se você quer ser saudável mentalmente.
Se você não é um Nice Guy como eu, o Dr Robert Glover lançou o livro "Dating Esssentials For Men". Esse livro sim é o que eu estava precisando.
Atualização:
Virei Nice Guy.
A definição de Nice Guys: Homens que procuram a aprovação das pessoas.
Saiba que a síndrome de Nice Guy não se restringe apenas a homens, também acontece com mulheres, olhe o livro: "a síndrome da boazinha." Também nice guy não é unico livro sobre o tema, existem vários como: "The Disease to Please" e "Not Nice". O diferencial de Dr Robert Glover é que ele mostra como essa "síndrome" pode afetar os relacionamentos amorosos dos homens, também Dr Robert Glover foi um dos primeiros a falar do assunto.
Eu não era um Nice Guy, mas aí depois de passar um tempo eu estava tendo problemas de tanto pensar em ser o perfeitinho. Eu pensava, não sou perfeito o suficiente, as pessoas vão me xingar. Aí eu pensei: "Ah, não!"
Então eu voltei para ler o livro e enquanto eu lia eu pensava: "Nossa, eu sou muito Nice Guy. Eu até tenho país de Nice Guy." Foi aí que eu pensei em algo que poderia ajudar os homens que estão em dúvida em ler o livro. Se você não sabe se é ou não um Nice Guy, aqui está o:
CHECKLIST NICE GUY!
Aviso: Você não precisa gabaritar esse teste para ser um Nice Guy, isso também não significa que você é um Nice Guy se for compatível com algumas questões. Isso é apenas uma lista para você ver se possivelmente você é um Nice Guy ou não.
- As mulheres de Nice Guys não querem fazer sexo.
- Nice Guys tentam ser os "bonzinhos" e fazer tudo o que a mulher quer. Eles fazem isso para tentar conseguir sexo.
- As mulheres de Nice Guy estão constantemente estressadas e sempre reclamam, mesmo os Nice Guys fazendo tudo que elas querem.
- Nice Guys escondem as necessidades para fugir de conflitos.
- Nice Guys querem ser diferente dos outros homens que maltratam mulheres, aí eles querem ser os "Nice Guys". Mas não é uma forma benéfica também.
- Nice Guys são viciados em pornografia.
- Nice Guys geralmente são cristãos.
Calma, deixa eu explicar.
Não pense que todo cristão é Nice Guy. Apesar de eu ser ateu, meus ídolos acreditam em Deus. Chamar Jordan Peterson ou são Tomás de Aquino de Nice Guy é pura sacanagem, mesmo eu discordando deles em 99% das coisas, esses não são meus ídolos, mas não são Nice Guys.
Mas se você é do tipo cristão que tenta fazer tudo "certinho", não defende suas necessidades porque tem medo da pressão social e busca aprovação. Se for assim, recomendo ler o livro "efeito lúcifer", para você ver o quão perigoso você é.
- Nice Guys tem dificuldade de dizer não.
- Nice Guys geralmente são traídos. (Lembra, não precisa necessariamente ser Nice Guy para ter essas características. Um Nice Guy é apenas um cara que busca aprovação.)
- Nice Guys pensam que se eles procurarem o jeito "certo" de fazer algo, a vida deles não vai ter problemas.
- Nice Guys tentam ser diferente dos pais.
- Nice Guys ficam mais confortáveis perto de mulheres do que de homens.
- Nice tem dificuldade em fazer as necessidades deles prioridades.
- Nice Guys são condicionados a pensar que se buscar aprovação, eles vão ser amados.
- Alguns Nice Guys se sentem atraídos por mulheres com problemas. Do tipo: vício em drogas, mulheres que foram abusadas e etc. Esse aqui é o que mais me assustou. Lembrando que você não precisa apresentar todos os requisitos para ser um Nice Guy, apenas precisa ter pontos em comum.
Lados ruins do Nice Guys que não são tão "Nice":
- Nice Guys são desonestos, escondem os erros e falam o que as pessoas querem ouvir.
- Nice Guys são manipuladores. Eles tem dificuldade em dizer o que querem diretamente, por isso eles manipulam. Por exemplo: se o homem não está tendo sexo no relacionamento, ao invés de conversar sobre isso ele tenta ser o perfeitinho para tentar conseguir sexo.
- Nice Guys são controladores. Eles querem que o mundo seja "mole" por isso tentam controlar as pessoas para se adequar ao jeito deles.
- Nice Guys ficam irritados, porque tentam dar as coisas para ganhar em troca, mas não ganha nada.
- Nice Guys estão irritados o tempo todo. Eles negam estarem irritados, mas sempre estão cheios de frustração.
- Nice Guys são viciados em várias coisas. Como por exemplo: pornô, masturbação, vídeo game, rede social. (Apesar de eu não achar essas coisas ruins, só a pornografia que é igual uma droga, alguns homens usam essas coisas para diminuir sua frustração.)
- Nice Guys tem dificuldade em dizer: "não".
- Nice Guys frequentemente estão isolados, eles não querem ser criticados e nem as pessoas gostam de ficar perto de um Nice Guy.
- Nice Guys tem dificuldade em escutar, porque eles ficam pensam em como concertar o problema da pessoa.
- Nice Guys entram em um relacionamento achando que encontrou a pessoa perfeita, aí quando não, eles culpam a pessoa por sua insatisfação.
Agora a cereja do bolo:
Nice Guys são bem sucedidos. Eles são inteligentes e talentosos, mas são perfeccionistas e acham que precisa buscar aprovação para ser feliz. Acabando, sem exceção, deixando de atingir seu máximo potencial.
Não seja um Nice Guy.

It's probably six months too late for my relationship but well timed for my next one.

Just now around 5:45 PM IST, I got this book delivered by FedEx.
Just now started to read the Chapters and I am like, "What was I missing all these years?".
Very useful book for guys who think innocence is Good.


Reviewed in India 🇮🇳 on February 19, 2018
Just now around 5:45 PM IST, I got this book delivered by FedEx.
Just now started to read the Chapters and I am like, "What was I missing all these years?".
Very useful book for guys who think innocence is Good.







strongly recommend to those who think they are nice guys.
NO MORE MR NICE GUY Is not about being a bad person its about making a better person .


Reviewed in India 🇮🇳 on February 11, 2018
strongly recommend to those who think they are nice guys.
NO MORE MR NICE GUY Is not about being a bad person its about making a better person .

