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No One's the Bitch: A Ten-Step Plan For The Mother And Stepmother Relationship Paperback – May 5, 2009

4.5 out of 5 stars 53 customer reviews

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Frequently Bought Together

  • No One's the Bitch: A Ten-Step Plan For The Mother And Stepmother Relationship
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  • Skirts At War: Beyond Divorced Mom/Stepmom Conflict
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  • The Happy Stepmother: Stay Sane, Empower Yourself, Thrive in Your New Family
Total price: $44.02
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Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

“Bitch is a worthy, energetic workbook . . . Chatty and funny, it provides useful ideas (e.g., make small offerings) and sound how-to (e.g., greet each other when the kids swap houses).” - Library Journal

Review

Jennifer and Carol don't just talk the talk; they provide a helpful, readable, and informative roadmap for navigating what is often a highly-charged, contentious relationship. No One's the Bitch bravely explores the powerful feelings--competition, betrayal, jealousy, mistrust--that can vex the relationship between mothers and stepmothers. With honesty and humor, the authors offer exercises, tips, and advice that can help women in linked households form working partnerships, making life and transitions easier for the kids and themselves."
- Wednesday Martin, Ph.D., author of Stepmonster


"No One's the Bitch forces both moms and stepmoms to take a good, long look in the mirror and own up to their thoughts, feelings and actions toward the other woman. Even if she isn't ready to work together, you will learn a lot about yourself from the exercises. Open your mind and your heart to this program and you might be pleasantly surprised at the results!"
-- Brenda Ockun, Publisher of StepMom Magazine


"I recommend No One's the Bitch to all of the parents and step-parents I serve. People always say they want to "put the kids first," but their actions and attitudes often do the opposite. I love this book because it gives very practical, "how-to" advice on how to create a more harmonious relationship that benefits the entire family. It is ground-breaking work and an absolute must-read for anyone in a mother-stepmother relationship."
- Amy McCready, author of If I Have to Tell You One More Time, Founder, Positive Parenting Solutions


"A great contribution to today's books on stepcoupling and stepfamilies."
- Susan Wisdom, author of Stepcoupling  


"A plainspoken, helpful and rather hip how-to book."
Austin Chronicle


"A really interesting walkthrough; a ten-step plan that’s well thought-out and experience-based... A giant step in resolving this problem."
Dr. Phil McGraw, on "The Dr. Phil Show" (2009)

"These straight-shooting, truth-talking, soul-baring women have their priorities right: When mom and stepmom are on the same page everyone wins, most especially the kids! If more parents could do as authors Jennifer and Carol have done, our courts would be far emptier, our kids would be far healthier and and all of our futures would be brighter!"
Benjamin D. Garber, Ph.D., author of Keeping Kids Out Of The Middle
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 256 pages
  • Publisher: Globe Pequot Press; First Edition edition (May 5, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0762750936
  • ISBN-13: 978-0762750931
  • Product Dimensions: 5.4 x 0.7 x 8.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (53 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #478,350 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
How I Spent My Lunch Hour (ok, Two Hours!)

I started reading this at lunch and read through another hour of "work" time I'm blown away. These two ladies have written a fabulous book that is solely focused on the relationship between the mom and the step mom.

In between the humor, the journal exercises, and the short quizzes is a book that will hit nearly every woman who's in a mom/step mom relationship right between the eyes. I know it did for me. A loving mental dope slap!

I was blessed to fall into a decent relationship with my husband's ex-wife and her family. It doesn't mean it's been a bed of roses. Fortunately, she and I can come together, put the kids first (and the kids are adults except for my youngest step son, who just turned 17), and do the right thing. Even with our great relationship, this book has given me my own a-ha moments!

Owning My Own Crap (I loved this chapter!)

I'm usually pretty good about owning my own stuff...and when the authors talked about this I realized that I'm still trying "look good" as a step mom. I've agonized over this because of my own self-imposed microscope and this silly false belief that my husband's ex-wife's family (ok, really, they're his family, too...long story...stay tuned) are watching me. Can someone pass the pin to pop my ego? No one is watching me!

Another thing that just made me cringe inside is how critical I've been towards my step kids' mom. At one time or another (even now) I can say "yes" to each critical statement Jennifer and Carol listed in their quiz "The Joy of Being Judgemental." I daresay, I have more WORK to do on myself!

Standing Ovation to Jennifer Newcomb Marine and Carol Marine - I believe you ladies have hit a Grand Slam!

I'm recommending this to every step mom I know and don't know!

Peggy Nolan, [...] and creator of "The Mother's Day Dare" Project
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Format: Paperback
Are you a step-mom and think your husband's ex wife is crazy? Reading this book may give you some insight into the insecurities she's feeling about having a woman she doesn't know start raising her children. It may open up a whole new world that you couldn't have imagined. Are you a bio-mom and think your ex-husband's new wife is trying to take over the family? Maybe it would help you to understand what she's feeling. To see what it's like from her standpoint, coming into a new family where she is a complete outsider. This book does an amazing job at being honest and open from both the step-mom's side and the bio-moms side. It's a must-read for all involved. The children's emotional health is too important to let our insecurities and anger issues get in the way of acting like humane, decent individuals. Definitely a 5-star book!
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Format: Paperback
The issue of just how close the Ex and the "new" wife "ought" to be is a hot topic at the moment. Jennifer Newcomb Marine and her ex-husband's wife Carol Marine don't just talk the talk; they provide a helpful, readable, and informative roadmap for navigating what is often a highly-charged, contentious relationship. No One's the Bitch bravely explores the powerful feelings--competition, betrayal, jealousy, mistrust--that can vex the relationship between ex wives and wives, mothers and stepmothers. With honesty and humor, the authors offer exercises, tips, and advice that can help women in linked households form working partnerships, making life and transitions easier for the kids and themselves. It's a worthy goal, and depending on your circumstances and your energy for the task, this is a book that can take you there with grace, helping you gain not only a sense of control, but that most invaluable and elusive thing for those affected by divorce and remarriage--peace of mind--as well.
Wednesday Martin, Ph.D.
author, Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel and Act the Way We Do
[...]
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Format: Paperback
I am a stepmom dealing with a very difficult relationship with my stepdaughters' mother. I have mixed feelings about this book. I think the advice would be GREAT if you are dealing with someone reasonable - it really exposes how moms and stepmoms see the same situation in different ways and I think that could be really helpful. However - if you are dealing with someone who is not willing to meet you part-way, this book can really backfire by raising your expectations and then just letting you down.

In my own situation, I thought I was getting a lot out of this book at first. My husband's ex is herself remarried. She loves her daughters and has kept the conflict away from them. The divorce was mutual. Etc. It seemed like a good candidate for a decent working relationship. Reading the book opened my eyes to how the girls' mom was probably feeling about my arrival on the scene, and I started to feel a lot empathy for her. I tried really hard to adjust my behavior so as not to trigger common mom/stepmom issues, and I really tried to "own my own %#$^", as the book suggests. I also reached out a number of times, in both direct and low-key ways (asking her if she wants to have coffee, being warm at the door during drop-offs, etc). All as the book suggested.

Unfortunately, in my case it turns out that I was dealing with someone who is angry and will likely stay that way. If anything, I think my attempts to be friendly to her only made her angrier. And then when she rejected those attempts, it just made ME angry and hurt. Basically, my own optimism (drawn from the book) that this situation could improve totally backfired because I now feel rejected.
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