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No One's the Bitch: A Ten-Step Plan For The Mother And Stepmother Relationship Paperback – May 5, 2009
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From Library Journal
“Bitch is a worthy, energetic workbook . . . Chatty and funny, it provides useful ideas (e.g., make small offerings) and sound how-to (e.g., greet each other when the kids swap houses).” - Library Journal
"A really interesting walkthrough; a ten-step plan that’s well thought-out and experience-based... A giant step in resolving this problem."
— Dr. Phil McGraw, on "The Dr. Phil Show" (2009)
"These straight-shooting, truth-talking, soul-baring women have their priorities right: When mom and stepmom are on the same page everyone wins, most especially the kids! If more parents could do as authors Jennifer and Carol have done, our courts would be far emptier, our kids would be far healthier and and all of our futures would be brighter!"
— Benjamin D. Garber, Ph.D., author of Keeping Kids Out Of The Middle
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Top customer reviews
The two authors, a mom and step-mom pair, have written a book anecdotally based on their experiences. Which is great, but not very practical for the majority of blended families, whom are generally complex and variable. I would say about 90% of the book is written as a sort of pep talk, trying to convince the reader why she should attempt to have a positive relationship with the "other woman." Which, considering I am reading a book titled No One's the Bitch that cost me $15, I would say it's safe to assume that I have already reached that conclusion. This is reiterated and emphasized excessively throughout the book-the authors dedicate an entire chapter and the remaining 2/3's of each subsequent chapter trying to "convince" us why having an amicable relationship is a good idea, and this becomes repetitive and turns into filler very quickly. There is some actual advice thrown into the book, but it is extremely simplistic and not anything that I wouldn't have thought of on my own (e.g. "Be nice" "be polite" "say hello" etc).
My biggest problem with the book is despite being a book about improving the relationship with the other woman, neither author seems to have done any outside research or talked to anyone else in completing their book. I understand that their own experience (two women open to having a positive relationship with one another) is limited, but if writing a book on the subject they could have reached out to counsellors and experts or other step/bio parents regarding advice for other situations. The kind of practical advice that I think most people are looking for simply isn't there, because it isn't something that the authors can anecdotally relate to. For example, what if you have never met the other woman, and wondering how to proceed? What if she sends harassing messages or is extremely resentful and you are looking for a way to keep communication positive and limit toxicity? How do you (specifically) maintain boundaries while steering conversation to productive areas? About what things (specifically) would experts recommend the bio mom/step mom communicate or not communicate? How about practical advise such as things to say/not say? Like, for example, things to avoid saying for step moms: "I love your children as if they were mine" (Bio-Mom hears: I am their new mother), or things for bio-moms to avoid saying: "I am their mother!" (Everyone knows that and no one disputes it, step mom hears a power play).
This book could have been much longer, with much less filler. There isn't really any practical, concrete advice being offered here. A lot of vague, general statements, and a lot of pep talk. You don't need to avoid this book, and if you really want to work on yourself internally and your own resentment towards the other woman, there might actually be some good advice in here for you.
This book understands each roles and then provides you with the insight and tools needed to survive the journey. I am the step mom role and look forward to using a lot of their tips and I can see myself resorting back to this book when sticky situations arise .
NOTE: This product was a personal purchase for myself at the normal retail price. I'm reviewing it solely because I want to share my experience with other potential customers. I have received no compensation for my review, nor do I have any relationship with the seller or manufacturer of this product.
the book doesn't address what to do when one party actively tries to make the relationship as poor as possible.