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Nobody's Perfect. I'm As Close As It Gets. (Dear Dumb Diary Year Two #3) Paperback – January 1, 2013
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"Benton is a genius at expressing a believable preteen girl worldview without silly vernacular or dumbing down to his audience." --KidsReads.com
"Benton has a gift for writing Jamie's voice exactly like the girl you'd want sitting next to you in class, whispering terrible comments." --Kids Books Central
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What’s Your Future? Okay, you know your life is going to be totally perfect. But you can find out more about what the future has in store by answering these questions!
1.) If you forgot to study for a test, what would you do?
a. Point out to the teacher that tests aren’t really a true measure of how much we know.
b. Fake a horrible disease and go to the nurse’s office.
c. Release bag of bats in classroom (requires some preparation
2.) Of these choices, which is your favorite school subject?
3.)On a Sunday afternoon, what are you usually doing?
a. Homework that I put off until the very last minute.
b. Anything I want! I finished my homework on Friday night.
c. Waiting for my dad to fall asleep on the couch so I can change the TV channel from football to a glorious dance movie.
4.) What animal are you most like?
a. A cute and big- eyed koala
b. A noble horse
c. A friendly dolphin that is also part koala on his mom’s side 5.)
How many extracurricular activities are you involved in?
a. 1– 2
b. 5 +
c. 3– 4
6.) If your stinky beagle or other doglike pet was foaming at the mouth, what would you do?
a. My stinky beagle is always foaming at the mouth. Foam is how he communicates. How is this different than any other time?
b. Call the vet right away. (It’s not rabies. Rabies would choose a cuter dog.)
c. Check to make sure he didn’t eat a whole tube of toothpaste (which is likely). 7.) Of these choices, what’s your favorite color?
a. Sparkle colored
b. A nice, calming blue
Read the book to find your fortune
Dear Dumb Diary, You know the sound a coconut makes when it bounces off the rubbery side of a prize-winning hog? Wait. I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me describe my Friday. Let’s say that you had a best friend and her name was, I don’t know, Shmisabella. Okay, so Shmisabella is taking banjo lessons. She told you so and proved it by showing you her banjo case. She even played you some banjo music she has on her iPod — “I am way into banjos,” Shmisabella says — but here’s the thing: Shmisabella does NOT, in any way, have anything to do with the banjo. You just don’t know that. Perhaps you were at lunch a week before, and your friend said something about how one time she brought a kangaroo home from the zoo. Sure, you know that Shmisabella actually did it, because it was your garage she hid the kangaroo in until she climbed into the kangaroo’s pouch and you had to confess to your parents so they would call the paramedics to come and remove her from a kangaroo. But another girl at the table , Yolanda, who is a dainty person — you know the type, eats popcorn one piece at a time, has those tiny little buttons on her clothing that people with regular human -sized hands can’t operate — made this quiet, dainty pfft sound to indicate that she thought your friend was lying. Now, Shmisabella didn’t react to the pfft sound, so you knew that she either didn’t care or just ignored it. Yeah, guess what. Wrong. She noticed it
She loves the characters, the style of writing and I get such a buzz seeing her so excited when reading. long may the DDD series continue!