Nonviolent Communication
A Language of Life
By Marshall B. Rosenberg, Lucy LeuPuddleDancer Press
Copyright © 2015 PuddleDancer Press
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-892005-28-1
Contents
Foreword by Deepak Chopra, MD,
Acknowledgments,
1 Giving From the Heart,
2 Communication That Blocks Compassion,
3 Observing Without Evaluating,
4 Identifying and Expressing Feelings,
5 Taking Responsibility for Our Feelings,
6 Requesting That Which Would Enrich Life,
7 Receiving Empathically,
8 The Power of Empathy,
9 Connecting Compassionately With Ourselves,
10 Expressing Anger Fully,
11 Conflict Resolution and Mediation,
12 The Protective Use of Force,
13 Liberating Ourselves and Counseling Others,
14 Expressing Appreciation in Nonviolent Communication,
Epilogue,
Bibliography,
Index,
The Four-Part Nonviolent Communication Process,
Some Basic Feelings and Needs We All Have,
About Nonviolent Communication,
About PuddleDancer Press,
About the Center for Nonviolent Communication,
Trade Books From PuddleDancer Press,
Trade Booklets From PuddleDancer Press,
About the Author,
CHAPTER 1Giving From the Heart
The Heart of Nonviolent Communication
What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart.
— Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD
Introduction
Believing that it is our nature to enjoy giving and receiving in a compassionate manner, I have been preoccupied most of my life with two questions: What happens to disconnect us from our compassionate nature, leading us to behave violently and exploitatively? And conversely, what allows some people to stay connected to their compassionate nature under even the most trying circumstances?
My preoccupation with these questions began in childhood, around the summer of 1943, when our family moved to Detroit, Michigan. The second week after we arrived, a race war erupted over an incident at a public park. More than forty people were killed in the next few days. Our neighborhood was situated in the center of the violence, and we spent three days locked in the house.
When the race riot ended and school began, I discovered that a name could be as dangerous as any skin color. When the teacher called my name during attendance, two boys glared at me and hissed, "Are you a kike?" I had never heard the word before and didn't know some people used it in a derogatory way to refer to Jews. After school, the same two boys were waiting for me: they threw me to the ground and kicked and beat me.
Since that summer in 1943, I have been examining the two questions I mentioned. What empowers us, for example, to stay connected to our compassionate nature even under the worst circumstances? I am thinking of people like Etty Hillesum, who remained compassionate even while subjected to the grotesque conditions of a German concentration camp. As she wrote in her journal at the time,
I am not easily frightened. Not because I am brave but because I know that I am dealing with human beings, and that I must try as hard as I can to understand everything that anyone ever does. And that was the real import of this morning: not that a disgruntled young Gestapo officer yelled at me, but that I felt no indignation, rather a real compassion, and would have liked to ask, 'Did you have a very unhappy childhood, has your girlfriend let you down?' Yes, he looked harassed and driven, sullen and weak. I should have liked to
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