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Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, 3rd Edition: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships (Nonviolent Communication Guides) Paperback – September 1, 2015
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About the Author
Dr. Rosenberg has received a number of awards for his Nonviolent Communication work including:
2014: Champion of Forgiveness Award from the Worldwide Forgiveness Alliance
2006: Bridge of Peace Nonviolence Award from the Global Village Foundation
2005: Light of God Expressing in Society Award from the Association of Unity Churches
2004: Religious Science International Golden Works Award
2004: International Peace Prayer Day Man of Peace Award by the Healthy, Happy Holy (3HO) Organization
2002: Princess Anne of England and Chief of Police Restorative Justice Appreciation Award
2000: International Listening Association Listener of the Year Award
Dr. Rosenberg first used the NVC process in federally funded school integration projects to provide mediation and communication skills training during the 1960s. The Center for Nonviolent Communication, which he founded in 1984, now has hundreds of certified NVC trainers and supporters teaching NVC in more than sixty countries around the globe. A sought-after presenter, peacemaker and visionary leader, Dr. Rosenberg led NVC workshops and international intensive trainings for tens of thousands of people in over 60 countries across the world and provided training and initiated peace programs in many war-torn areas including Nigeria, Sierra Leone, and the Middle East.
He worked tirelessly with educators, managers, health care providers, lawyers, military officers, prisoners, police and prison officials, government officials, and individual families. With guitar and puppets in hand and a spiritual energy that filled a room, Marshall showed us how to create a more peaceful and satisfying world.
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Rosenberg posited that underneath judgments are feelings and needs. An exploration of that terrain can lead to a mastery of communication that is uncommon. Marshall himself know how to get almost anyone to eat out of his hand.
I'll add only that study of NVC is not, for many of us, by itself adequate because one must learn to be calm in the face of emotional turmoil. Stated another way, one must learn to not take judgment personally. To really get that your judgments about me are not really about me. NVC has methods for trying to address this which work well in theory but it's very easy to get entangled in one's own reactions.
For those who had really solid parenting, getting out of the way of one's own reactions may be a cinch. For the rest of us, some degree of therapy or spiritual practice may be necessary before one can truly master NVC. I've seen people who really got the basic skills down but tended not to apply them in many situations because their own reactions got in the way. In fact, this is really common. Thus, learning NVC can be like learning to climb mountains.
The book is great as an overview of a subject with which most everyone would benefit from a basic acquaintance. To go beyond a basic understanding will likely require significant effort. NVC practitioners would mostly agree with this, though not necessarily will the entirety of my critique.
So to sum up, NVC is not a quick or easy learn but this book is well worth reading, even if one elects to take in the basics and go no further. For those willing to climb mountains, it provides tools that can transform one's own life as well as the lives of those with whom one crosses paths.
O - Observation without judgement... this is really hard
F - Connect with/express feelings... don't confused feelings with judgements or needs, also tough
N - Connect feelings with needs... I'm feeling x because I am needing y. Don't confuse needs with strategies to get those needs met. Be flexible with the strategy.
R - Request...be willing to make clear requests (not demands) to get your need met. Be willing to accept denial of that request and be willing to move to another strategy for the meeting of the need.
One great measure for my personal success has been how my own family has noted a very positive change in many of the daily situations and how I deal with them, over the past 3 months during which I have read and re-read the book to truly understand and implement the principles here. I guess one way for everyone to really review this book would be to measure it by the impact it has had on their lives. Good luck for the ones thinking about buying this book or already gotten but haven't started reading yet!
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