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About Nora Femenia
Since I can remember, I have been watching people’s behavior as a survival skill. Knowing when my mother would get angrier meant I could anticipate when she was going to smack me. Inevitably, there was always a component of making me pay for whatever inconvenience or hardship she would encounter. She would yell my name, with that particular, accusatory intonation, (Noraaaa) and I would present myself and simply ask: “what am I guilty of doing now?”
There was no connection between my behaviors and her need to find a culprit, but I accepted that black hole as part of my particular destiny. Observing my mother's disciplinary tactics was an important source of questions: they pushed me to ask the general questions that have shaped my life:
Why do people do controlling and aggressive behaviors to others?
Why was it that she could never see the impact her behaviors caused on my young self?
What unconscious motivations fuel those behaviors? Where was the maternal love she owed me?
I wanted to know why she would not understand that her demanding approaches were making me less likely to abide by her rules. She was unconsciously fueling my rebellion while hoping to instill docility. She could not see me as an entity separated from her, different from her projected images of me, in short, that I was my own person.
And so I embarked on an intellectual journey aimed at answering such questions...
My extensive study of psychology, systems theory and conflict have all shaped my radical understanding of today: We are all interconnected but struggle with recognizing the strength of this bond because deep, real relationships come with pain tied to vulnerability and emotional transparency, the quintessence of close relationships.
Yet, the core truth remains that human connection is the hallmark of humanity. The rise of individualism in western cultures belies this fact to our detriment, preaching that self-reliance is the model to adopt and emulate. We can do that, at the cost of ignoring the primal importance of attachment for our identity and well-being.
Our need for connection has been demonstrated by the scientific community through important research. It keeps manifesting continually around us, from cradle to life-ending. This human reality is what I try to convey to my Kindle readers, who can improve their understanding of relationships by using my focused question: "In what ways are we helping/hindering our reciprocal growth as a couple and as individuals?" Better: "is this relationship helping me mature as an individual, or getting me stuck on immature behaviors"?
In particular, I explore the question: "how to deal with pain in a dysfunctional relationship, if being connected is a source of emotional support and joy? How can we learn to create safe and nurturing attachments with the people around us?"
Some comments confirm that this is the most compassionate approach to be found in relationship books or coaching. I believe that my empathic approach of studying both parts of a toxic relationship enhances our conceptualizations of love, marriage, and relationships. Human connection is a direct path toward growth, the battleground where we learn life lessons such as empathy, patience, love, and forgiveness. Through our life path, we have to find answers to the basic quest:
How can we lose the fear of intimacy and allow ourselves to feel connected and supported and thus receive the love we need?
I hope that you can share this search with me, ask some deep questions about your relationships and keep looking for the answers that will give you deeper connections and more happiness. My books can help you with that! Happy to connect with you here in our Kindle home, or at norafemenia.com
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Titles By Nora Femenia
Tiene Ud. tantas peleas con sus seres queridos qué podría quedarse aislado?
Cuando Ud. tiene una confrontación fuerte con alguien querido, usando palabras hirientes, los daños a la relación pueden ser permanentes...
Este libro le da un marco para ver un conflicto como una experiencia de aprendizaje de convivencia, y le ofrece sugerencias prácticas para cambiar una dinámica de confrontación en una de cooperación, con más respeto y amor en la familia.
A través de la convivencia diaria las familias deben hacer frente a muchas diferencias de gustos, opiniones y necesidades, que piden ser resueltas de un modo positivo para que el vínculo de afecto no se destruya. Las relaciones, aun las familiares, no sobreviven a la falta de confianza y respeto.
Los conflictos son inevitables en la convivencia y pueden servir para ayudar a las personas a desarrollar nuevas destrezas: gestionado con respeto, el conflicto nos permite crecer y desarrollar nuevas y mejores maneras de relacionarnos.
LEYENDO ESTE LIBRO UD. PUEDE APRENDER A:
- Ver el conflicto como una co-creación de las dos partes;
- Identificar rápidamente los intereses ocultos, propios y ajenos;
- Perderle el temor a confrontar y saber confrontar con integridad;
- Usar técnicas respetuosas de conectar con “enemigos”;
- Encontrar soluciones a las necesidades propias y las del otro;
- Convertir a sus oponentes en cooperadores;
- Tener una actitud calma y positiva frente a todas las disputas.
Todos tenemos la capacidad de aprender de nuestros conflictos. Le proponemos aquí nuestras perspectivas del conflicto visto como interacciones que se pueden manejar con escucha respetuosa y atención a las necesidades del otro.
Y Ud. tiene la seguridad de recibir esta valiosa información de manos de Nora Femenia, una experta internacional en resolución de conflictos.
Whatever the degree of emotional detachment they experience, the impact on their self-esteem is very profound and long lasting. In this new, revised edition, this book actually describes the frustration of your emotional needs caused by the silent marriage, followed by mental confusion, imprecise guilt feelings, the impression of walking on eggshells to avoid being rejected, together with extreme loneliness and depression.
This is an important book because it focuses on this toxic behavior, going to describe the whole passive-aggressive marriage and its impact on your self-esteem and well being. Even when you don’t consider his withholding of connection a kind of abuse in the marriage, the fact that spouses are emotionally dependent on each other for love and support makes you chronically starved for his love and attention. You can even wonder if this is his way to control and reduce the degree of joy and happiness you could experience? If this is the case, resentment creeps in and destroys any remaining trust.
This book provides you with learning strategies and alternatives to counter his passive-aggressive communication style, without resorting to violence, begging, or other tricks. It will also give you a map that could actually help your partner to see through his behavior and understand what is he doing to sabotage the marriage.
Overall this expanded and revised 2015 edition is full of practical tips and strategies to protect yourself and motivate you to be happier with or without him.
It will help you to move your relationship from the current standstill to a place where you can enjoy a better experience with more love and respect.
Do you wish to have a way to confront, and get to a much-needed decision, without shouting or fighting with your partner? You have lots of things to say to improve your marriage, but you are afraid of his/her reactions? The secret of a secure and happy relationship is not to avoid conflicts, but to process disputes in such a way that both sides’ needs are included and respected, without allowing anger to destroy love and trust. If resentment is not clarified, it lingers on and causes deeper alienation from the partner. Is it possible to have guidelines for fighting fairness in marriage? Yes! Fighting fair in relationships is the tool presented here. Learning the skill of fighting fair will restore your confidence in the possibility of defending what you value and need, while at the same time, you will listen to and respect the other person’s needs. This is done following the simple rules that we present in this book for fighting fair in marriage. This book also solves the core question about how you can assert your personal needs, while also caring for the relationship, and thus have a healthy marriage. Sometimes, we see it as very difficult or incompatible to balance individual and relationship goals. Do you remember the video about the guy dreaming of a convertible car, while having to buy an SUV because his family’s transportation needs came first? that video was presenting the pang of wishing for something while having to choose the opposite...so many times we fight with this dilemma and end up crushing our personal wishes in order to maintain a fragile marital coexistence. And then, not surprisingly we get into a horrible fight...all because we don’t identify and honor our individual needs while negotiating with our partners. Getting to know what the other person's needs are, is a fundamental aspect of a healthy relationship. It doesn’t mean that you will always get satisfaction from them, but at least, putting your own needs on the table you will not forget yourself...if you do, anger and resentment will grow between you two. You begin by respecting yourself, to teach the other person how to respect you. Once you know how to understand what your partner needs, it becomes easier to agree on solutions that can make both sides happy, regardless of the degree of your relational conflict. This is one powerful argument to invite a reluctant partner to have a fair fight conversation! The wish to have a happy marriage is a powerful incentive for both partners to learn, apply and recommend conflict resolution skills to solve daily confrontations. Once you learn conflict resolution skills, you can apply them anywhere: workplace, friends, extended family, and all relationships.
WE women usually think that leaving behind an abusive relationship solves all the damage, and emotional abuse recovery will automatically follow!...
If you are here, your first worry is to get to a safe place, with no more emotionally abusive attacks on you.
A little bit down the road, the long term effects of an emotional abuse relationship can hit you, challenging you with deeper questions:
- Why all this abuse did happen to me?
- What is the meaning in my life of having an abusive relationship?
- How is it affecting my self-esteem?
- How do I go from my present situation of an abused wife to a different one of being a self-reliant woman, resilient to emotional attacks in the future?
Emotional abuse healing begins with your skill to see your own emotional abuse relationship inside the project of building the necessary skills of resiliency to fulfill your purpose in life.
Abuse is a stepping stone to build the virtues of resilience you need now to take control of your own life!
This book gives you a very different perspective: to see an emotional abuse marriage as a sacred contract entered into in order for you to develop extraordinary resilience skills. “Emotionally Abusive Relationships: A Guide to Healing from Emotional Abuse in Marriage and Divorce,” is not only a working manual for survivors who are freeing their lives from the weight of abusive relationships.
It is a complete map for your new life, charting the different milestones that signal your transformation from a former victim to a more powerful, resilient, and resourceful WOMAN.
Emotionally Abusive Relationships: A Guide to Healing from emotional abuse in marriage and divorce, offers you a deep look at:
- The motivations behind all abusive behavior, as control;
- Why you need to remember your own life purpose;
- Learn what is the meaning of the abuse episode in your life;
- Identify the moment when you have learned the lesson and are ready to leave, or to change the relationship;
- Practical tips to heal yourself from the abuse and stress impact;
- How to repair your self-esteem and recover your life project!
This book will take you by your hand in the most exciting adventure of your life: recovering yourself!
An intimate relationship delivers what marriage is all about:
--deep feelings of connection
--trust evolving into emotional bonding
--security delivering happiness
That is the reason why couples in a sexless marriage feel lonely, confused, hurt, depressed and emotionally frustrated. As marriage implies feeling loved, attractive, and desirable, a person living in a sex-starved marriage feels utterly rejected by their partner.
Do you find yourself feeling rejected or neglected physically by your partner and wondering why are you in a non-sexual relationship, when you married him exactly because you wanted a husband and not a friend?
Living in a sex-starved marriage, feeling rejected, not sexy enough?
A sexless relationship is sometimes the result of marrying an emotionally unavailable husband who refuses any intimate or sexual experience with their partner.
Having intimacy issues is hurtful because you can end up blaming yourself for the lack of intimacy or think that your husband is not interested in you because you are not attractive enough. This belief will seriously damage your self-esteem.
This book offers a different perspective: your sexless relationship could be produced because your emotionally unavailable husband has a hidden fear of intimacy, and decides to withdraw instead of acknowledge the root of the problem and confront the issue together.
The part of the passive aggression is that he is not ready ever to accept a conversation that would include reviewing his lack of sexual initiative. There is no way you can improve sexless marriage without a sincere effort from both sides. The unhappy marriage will continue unchallenged up until you learn how to confront this basic lack of an intimate relationship, and show him you can’t accept this cold relationship as a real marriage.
It’s time to learn about how passive aggressive behavior produces a celibacy marriage that tears down any intimacy and trust you could hope to have in your marriage. It's time to make changes, stop this unhappy marriage and get your own needs met.
This book is the missing "how to" for getting unstuck and moving past your problems into a richer and more meaningful life. It's a roadmap to living your most happy, most authentic, most amazing life. Get the sex back in your sexless marriage and the love back in your life!
This book helps you explore the connections between emotional needs, attachment styles, and passive aggressive behavior and how all those aspects play a role in your self-esteem and sex life, without your knowing!
Here is a practical guide that will help you improve every moment of your life and create changes that last, this ebook teaches you how to build:
--Confidence: In your own self-attractiveness;
--Strength: From silencing your needs into expressing them;
--Courage: Don’t let yourself down again;
--Success: Establish a new communication with your spouse.
It can get to the point when we are not sure what the difference between love and emotional abuse is, can’t recognize obvious emotional abuse signs, or are not told how to do emotional abuse recovery.
In this book, readers are invited to understand the core notions of emotional abuse and emotionally abusive relationships, and their differences with a loving, secure relationship.
It begins with definitions and explanations of why an emotionally abusive marriage happens, then works its way up to help the reader analyze if she is in an abusive relationship. The book supports the reader to find her own thoughts about her personal situation (or that of a friend), together with real, vivid stories of women who have survived abuse and grown from it into full people.
You might think that emotional abuse is easy to spot or define. But the reason so many people suffer from an emotionally abusive marriage is that it is hard to tell what is abusive and what is not, because lots of abuse is framed under "care." A marriage has to be an equal relationship, but using control between partners destroys this balance and prevents their individual growth. You have to ask whether your partner is hindering your development as an adult by the use of excessive control. You have to ask yourself whether or not the person you love is hurting you. Here is useful information about ways to decide if what you are experiencing is care or abusive control.
By addressing the signs of spousal emotional abuse, Nora shines a light on this painful issue. For readers needing support in healing emotional abuse, the next book of this series: “Breaking Free from Emotional Abuse: How to Restore Your Joy by Healing Your Life,” will continue the support of the emotional abuse healing process.
Having suffered many experiences of postponement and humiliation, because we grow up in cultures that actively discriminate against women and girls, the task to regain your self-esteem is left to you, and you alone.
Here we invite you to create a strong self-image and feel proud and happy with the person you are.
You don't need anybody's validation to feel great!
Once you see how damaging the issue of low self-esteem can be on a daily basis, you are invited to do a process to appreciate personal areas as body image, (plagued by feelings of doubt, and fear) your own ideas, your creativity, and anything that you can recover and include as a positive part of your identity.
This process is based on the mental power of each woman to achieve the life that she truly wants.
With this quick, easy read, women are encouraged to be their own “heroines” by creating their own awesome life story and banishing the “bad guys”: negativity, fear, doubt, and self-destructive habits. This book comes with simple “power-ups” for women to use immediately in order to start feeling more powerful and more positive with each chapter.
It is time for you to stop feeling less than your real potential! This is a guide for any woman and girl wishing to improve their self-esteem by building relationships, breaking out from isolation, finding support, and growing their own life.
Boosting Your Self-Esteem: Be Your Own Heroine! is a new book from Coach Nora, the founder of Creative Conflict Resolutions, and it is based on her own path of self-development.
A través de la confusion que nos producen las expectativas ajenas, este desarrollo de la propia identidad es una fuerza continua que va a generar su estado de felicidad permanente.
En este libro Ud tiene los pasos y los ejemplos vivenciales necesarios para visualizar este necesario aprendizaje sobre nosotras mismas y nuestra capacidad creativa, y poder así cumplir con el primer deber en la vida que es el desarrollo personal.
No hemos nacidas para ser esclavas de otros: hemos nacido para ser libres, duenas de nosotras mismas, y de nuestro destino, y poder decir: Yo Soy Mia!
This book helps the wife recognize the impact of passive aggressive behaviors on her marriage.After reading this book, we learn about the impacts of constant passive aggression on the unsuspecting partner:
- THE FIRST IMPACT: Loneliness
- THE SECOND IMPACT: Destroying Your Self-Esteem
- THE THIRD IMPACT: You Can’t Make your Own Decisions!
- THE FOURTH IMPACT: Depression, Hopelessness
Wives trapped in this situation express a common question: "I would like to have the help of a counselor or therapist, but when I called one, he told me they he didn't address passive aggression. What I need is therapy for his passive aggression. The trap is that the one doing such nasty behavior is my husband and he rejects any external help...how can I get help for my passive aggressive marriage then?”
If the husband doesn’t want to take up the responsibility for his own behavior, it doesn’t mean that she is condemned to suffer alone forever. This book helps her to identify distress areas, so she is better qualified to explain her needs to the therapist or counselor.
The only solution for this dilemma is for her to get an individual counselor that understand this particular style of marital interaction, knows the progressive hurt happening on her personality and can prevent or repair the damage while supporting the wife to recover her identity.
Relationship Counseling And Passive Aggressive Behavior will shorten the time in the councilor’s office, because the client will know exactly what her pain points are, inviting her counselor to provide solutions to urgent issues. Once they are addressed, she will be empowered enough to manage or transform her passive aggressive marriage.
This book offers you a new view of any abusive relationship as a contract for GROWING YOUR STRENGTH through pain.
In this way, we build on these facts:
-we are born in this life with a purpose to accomplish;
-we have to discover which is our individual purpose;
-we apply all our life energies and skills to accomplish this purpose.
If we came to this world with a purpose, and we need to learn some skills in life to be able to accomplish our life mission, then entering into very difficult situations, such as an abuse situation where one can end up tortured or severely hurt is part of life's program.
It is the tool to teach us resilience. With resilience, emotional abuse does not control you; you control any received emotional abuse and use it to make yourself stronger.
Which skills can we learn? Resilience is composed of several other skills:
~Patience, to be in this situation and don't despair that life can be good;
~Stubbornness, or unending hope that an exit is near;
~Strategy, to learn from the enemy about how to outsmart him/her;
~Endurance, to remember the objective is not to win the war but to survive;
~Humor, because in desperate situations it helps lighten them.
Of course, not everybody reading this lesson will accept this frame, and most of you could be hurt thinking that I'm promoting using pain to teach life skills. Please understand that I don't want to invalidate your pain, frustration, depression, loneliness, or desire to give up.
Emotional abuse is a real wound, with a real perpetrator. At the same time, I want you to be able to take control of your own situation, and use the pain life is giving you to make your life better.
Otherwise, the emotional abuse is a “stain” that you try to hide by covering it up, always moving fast into the future, and other distractions so that your pain isn't rearing its ugly head.
Here you learn that each challenge big or small is presented to teach us some lesson that will make us wiser or stronger.
Hacer una mediación sin respetar las reglas éticas, puede dañar gravemente los intereses de las partes, destruir la confianza de los clientes en el proceso y exponer al mediador a sanciones legales.
Este libro examina las principales causas por las cuales las mediaciones fallan, y explica cómo abordarlas desde un marco ético:
Cómo guiar las decisiones para que se basen en las necesidades de las partes
Cómo evaluar su deber de permanecer imparcial hacia todas las partes, no importa los beneficios qué pudiera generar para sí mismo.
Cómo proteger la confidencialidad de las narrativas de las partes, de modo qué se sientan motivadas a ser honestas.
Cómo hacer qué el proceso de mediación familiar o mediación del conflicto se convierta en una nueva experiencia, que enseñe a las partes nuevas maneras de identificar y defender sus intereses.
La discusión y comprension de estos escollos desde un marco ético, permitirán al mediador llegar a un acuerdo justo para las partes, y crear un un vínculo de respeto entre el mediador y sus clientes que le permitirá establecer su liderazgo profesional como mediador.