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Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity Paperback – February 3, 2004

by Shirley P. Glass (Author), Jean Coppock Staeheli (Contributor)

371 customer reviews

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One of the world’s leading experts on infidelity provides a step-by-step guide through the process of marital infidelity—from suspicion and revelation to healing, and provides profound, practical guidance to prevent cheating and, if it happens, recover and heal from it.

You’re right to be cautious when you hear these words: “I’m telling you, we’re just friends.”

Good people in good marriages are having affairs. The workplace and the Internet have become fertile breeding grounds for “friendships” that can slowly and insidiously turn into love affairs. Yet you can protect your relationship from emotional or sexual betrayal by recognizing the red flags that mark the stages of slipping into an improper, dangerous intimacy that can threaten your marriage.

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Editorial Reviews

Review

Michele Weiner-Davis author of The Sex-Starved Marriage So illuminating, instructive, down-to-earth, and inspiring that it truly transforms lives. Since no marriage -- including yours -- is immune to infidelity, this book is a godsend.

Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. author of Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples NOT ' Just Friends' puts a new face on infidelity. The author, using clinical experience and current research, broadens its definition, causes, and means of resolution. I recommend it for anyone considering an affair, in an affair, or recovering from an affair.

Pat Love, Ed.D. author of The Truth About Love and Hot Monogamy A must-read for anyone whoever hopes to be happy in long-term relationship.

About the Author

Shirley P. Glass, Ph.D., one of the world's leading experts on infidelity, draws on more than two decades of original research and hundreds of clinical cases to provide a step-by-step guide through the process of infidelity -- from suspicion and revelation to healing. In addition to offering concrete advice about how to tell, what to tell, and when to tell, Dr. Glass presents eye-opening quizzes that will help you ensure safe friendships and secure marriages by exploring the vulnerabilities in your relationship and any outside influences that may put it at risk. With her profound, practical guidance, you can prevent infidelity and, if it happens, recover and heal from it.

Paperback: 448 pages
Publisher: Atria Books; 31992nd edition (February 3, 2004)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0743225503
ISBN-13: 978-0743225502
Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 1 x 8.4 inches
Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 371 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #6,977 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #43 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Family Relationships > Conflict Resolution
- #44 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships > Conflict Management
- #87 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Marriage & Adult Relationships

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P Stout

If you only buy one book to heal. . .

April 3, 2018

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

This is the number one book I'd recommend to those who have faced betrayal through an affair. There is so much info on betrayal through sex addictions and porn, but this book addresses the "love affair" and those that come out of friendships. It is comprehensive. It covers how to protect, how to recover, what to do, the other views. It has tons of situations and healing steps. It has assessments to see if you are in danger with attitudes and such. It has many examples of real couples and their struggles. It talks about situations that affect affairs of all varieties. When I recognized similar situations to my husband, I read it to him and he'd say "That's a real thing?" I think it helped him to know that his struggles and weaknesses that led to his choices are real and he's not a freak. It helped me to understand better to. Sometimes I needed to know more than that he's trying- That's a common thing with betrayal trauma and this book really helps with that. Definitely would recommend it. (I'm not P Stout)

13 people found this helpful14 people found this helpful

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Normalization

Eye Opening

May 14, 2013

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

This book is absolutely amazing and I highly recommend it for ALL relationships, whether someone has been unfaithful or not. I have been married for almost 6 years and recently found out that my wife has been unfaithful for the past year of our marriage. It felt like somebody literally pulled a rug out from under me and I hit the floor with a thud. All of my friends of course said I should pack up my stuff and leave. Friends and family may mean well, but most of them don't have the slightest clue on what to do when it comes to relationships. I bought this book and one other in search of answers and guidance.

The book really opened my eyes to what all is involved when an affair happens, and it also shows that affairs can happen in good marriages if safeguards are not followed to protect the marriage. My attention was immediately hooked after the first quiz in the book which was created to let people know if the person they say is "just a friend" really is just that. I can honestly say after reading this book I have realized that even though I never physically cheated on my wife, I came close to having an emotional affair at one point. What I also liked about this book is that most books that deal with affairs always seem to be focused around the husband being the cheater. The author shared not only about female infidelity, but also research that backed up the different reasons for why males and females cheat.

The book wants you to ask the question "Is your spouse genuinely a dishonest person, or were they dishonest because of the affair?" There was also an excellent point made that you should NEVER discuss any problems in your relationship with someone who could potentially be a replacement for your partner. Only discuss problems with someone of the opposite sex if they are a "FRIEND of the marriage" and wants to see your marriage work. The author also provides an excellent strategy using "walls and windows" and the best ways to protect your marriage. This book not only saved my marriage but also saved my sanity as well. It is a MUST READ!

57 people found this helpful58 people found this helpful

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Gene-O B

One book does it all

May 25, 2017

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

This one book takes you through all the stages of infidelity. The examples give many opportunities to associate with one or more couples and their issues that were discussed. The reader can understand the points of view of the other two people in the triangle much better as well as affirming our own emotions after reading this book. Thanks for helping me in a very difficult and dark time in my marriage.

11 people found this helpful12 people found this helpful

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monje11

Helpful book

February 16, 2016

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

My husband has had multiple Emotional affairs (mostly work related) as far as I know and also online/texting flirty relationships with other women (who I thought were our friends). I think this book was helpful and maybe made me see people that are happy and love their significant other can still end up in these situations. The whole situation was very (and still is) shocking and traumatic for me where I thought my whole world was a sham. We both read it after the first affair was discovered. It definitely helped us as he for sure didn't know about safe boundaries and thought his intentions were just for fun or innocent/harmless, never considered where his actions would or could lead him and what they were doing to our marriage (especially after having a new baby). I am about to have us both reread it, as I think there were some exercises that I know I didn't go back and do. I wish everyone would read this book (single or married) because I think a major problem in our society right now is that people don't understand the boundaries or risks, especially with work relationships and people of the opposite sex (or any people you could be attracted to.)

41 people found this helpful42 people found this helpful

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KatEd

Very informative

December 5, 2017

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

This has helped me a lot. I’m not quite finished reading it, but when I discovered my husband had an affair, this was my coping mechanism. Any time I was struggling and in a bad place, reading this and understanding his side of it somehow helped calm me down. It’s very informative and fact based but isn’t boring at all. I would definitely recommend this to people trying to recover and fix their marriage after infidelity.

7 people found this helpful8 people found this helpful

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dcraven

Discovering that my wife was cheating on me has been ...

November 16, 2015

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

Discovering that my wife was cheating on me has been the most excruciating mental pain that I've ever been thru. Out of several books that I've read on the subject of surviving an affair, I found this one to be the most helpful.

19 people found this helpful20 people found this helpful

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Dee from OC NJ

Healing and forgiving do not come naturall.

May 5, 2018

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

Great book. If you have been cheated this book with help you feel your thoughts are not off the wall. My husband had a 2-1/2 year affair with co-worker. I felt alone, unattractive, part to blame, untrusting. Guess what , these are all normal feelings. This book along with seeing a therapist is helping learn to pick up the pieces. If you are going though this horrible betrayal, I hope you heal soon.

6 people found this helpful7 people found this helpful

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MontanaVike

Great book to help you recover from your partners affair.

November 1, 2017

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase

Saying I love this book is a little misleading. The subject matter is very hard to "love". However, this book is helping me recover from my wife's indiscretion. This book has helped me realize that we are not unique and we can get better.

I highly suggest getting this book if there's been any straying in your marriage and you want to stay together. Reading through this and sharing with your partner can be very cathartic and will help you work through the pain.

5 people found this helpful6 people found this helpful

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