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Obscene Thoughts: A Pornographer's Perspective on Sex, Love, and Dating Paperback – June 13, 2013
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From Kirkus Reviews
A director and producer of pornography offers his thoughts on subjects ranging from dating to marriage to career management. Contrary to the title of Pounder’s brisk, enjoyable dissertation on the ways of love and lust, there are no truly obscene thoughts here; instead, using a variety of devices—from the boardroom-speak of business manuals to an analysis of the films of Julia Roberts—Pounder analyzes the often hypocritical ways Western society views sexual relations between men and women. He notes, for instance, that a man who walked into a bar and asked the nearest attractive woman to have sex with him would be “slapped or publicly harangued as a pervert”—which strikes Pounder as irrational, since “sex, assuming the normal types of protection, is a far more healthy form of interaction than the consumption of alcohol and tobacco, but our society condemns the former and embraces the latter.” Pounder’s prose is clear and engaging throughout, and his frequently irreverent ideas about “inconsistent society norms” are not only incendiary but thought-provoking. Sometimes he oversteps, as when he claims, “Denying that the majority of men cheat is tantamount to denying that the majority of drivers speed,” but even those excesses make for interesting reading. An iconoclastic, argument-starting take on the battle of the sexes. - Kirkus Reviews
Five Stars (out of Five) Sorry, ladies, says pornographer; men are just natural cheaters. Men are “hard-wired” to cheat on women sexually, says pornographer Dave Pounder, who explains why in Obscene Thoughts. Pounder says that evolutionary biology teaches us that the hunter-gatherer ancestors of modern man had sex with as many women as possible to propagate the species—an impetus still alive in men today. Because of this, women need to accept that it is instinctive for men to seek multiple sexual partners, even when they’re in a supposedly monogamous relationship. This potentially controversial stance also provides much food for thought. Pounder uses unorthodox, but logical, analogies that push buttons and also show humor amid his explicit teaching techniques. Pounder applies his expertise in economics and his insider’s understanding of the porn industry to all elements of male and female relations. This includes long-term domestic partnerships and marriage. Where it might be easy to slip into a callous and jaded tone, Pounder comes across as realistic and pragmatic. That said, some readers might take offense at his casual attitude and seemingly immoral positions. Pounder addresses this with a quote from Freakonomics, a book by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner: “Morality represents the way that people would like the world to work—whereas economics represents how it actually does work.” Readers who enjoy Steven Pinker’s The Better Angels of Our Nature and Jared Diamond’s The World Until Yesterday will be enthralled by Obscene Thoughts. It strips away the thin veneer of civilization and knocks humanity off the top rung of the evolutionary ladder. Sex, once again, becomes all about fecundity and continuing the species. – Lee Gooden (ForeWord Clarion Reviews)
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Top customer reviews
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As I read through I couldn't help at times be sensitive with the author's general conclusions towards women who have chosen not to marry or have children.
The author's use of analogies were helpful in driving the key points of the book and found myself laughing at many of them. I do however take exception to his assertion that women in their 40's are like a penny vs a young woman in her 20's being a $100 bill. I know my worth is far more than a penny.
This is a must read for anyone looking to navigate the treacherous dating market!
Overall, an interesting and valuable book, but just a bit over repetitive.
Yes, I recommend this book. It's worth every penny of its price.
A Pornographer’s Perspective on Sex, Love and Dating. By Dave Pounder.
As I read this book on my iPad, someone asked me what I was reading. ( a woman) and I told her. Instantly she wrinkled her nose and said, “Why are you reading that? Wait, I know why.” A huge spark of debate could have ensued as at first I felt like I had to defend myself for reading something that was NOT, pornographic… This was one of those instances where the book was being judged by its title. Now I admit I was skeptical at first, but the truth is I was pleasantly surprised. I know, you’re thinking, “You man” of course you’re pleasantly surprised. But seriously, the author does an amazing job, balancing the subject of what men and women both want out of sex, and what drives them towards the goal. It’s an argument as old as time. A romance writer once said to me. “Women give sex to get love while men give love to get sex.” That statement while bold is true.
The author, a former actor in the adult film industry, has a true insight to how both genders approach sex. An interesting example is: Women in the adult film industry didn’t care what the male actors looked like, their age, if they were built or fat…so long as they got their required pay rate. To them…it was a job.
Where the men, would take a pay cut or half their rate to do a scene with a woman who was exceptionally attractive. This was no surprise to me because guys are easily visually stimulated.
The book goes on to go into great detail the mental arguments, statistics, and pros and cons of why sex is such a hang up for most Americans.
While there are many generalizations in the book such as, most men want young, attractive shapely women for sex, because biologically they are the healthiest for having babies. While women are looking for security, a man who has money, and the means to provide for her and her children. Those are broad brushstrokes but certainly not without merit.
I like the fact the author also addresses the unrealistic fantasy most of us were raised on, that movies like “Pretty Woman.” Fantasy: man purchases hooker falls in love and lives happily ever after. Reality: the man is paying for some fun, and the woman is providing a service. Eventually he will become bored and move on to someone else, because his wallet allows it.
The book strikes many great debates and I’m sure, you’re either going to love or hate it. I recommend the book because even if you don’t learn something from it, it certainly will give plenty of food for thought! 5 stars.