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Obscene Thoughts: A Pornographer's Perspective on Sex, Love, and Dating Paperback – June 13, 2013

3.9 out of 5 stars 45 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

From Kirkus Reviews

A director and producer of pornography offers his thoughts on subjects ranging from dating to marriage to career management. Contrary to the title of Pounder’s brisk, enjoyable dissertation on the ways of love and lust, there are no truly obscene thoughts here; instead, using a variety of devices—from the boardroom-speak of business manuals to an analysis of the films of Julia Roberts—Pounder analyzes the often hypocritical ways Western society views sexual relations between men and women. He notes, for instance, that a man who walked into a bar and asked the nearest attractive woman to have sex with him would be “slapped or publicly harangued as a pervert”—which strikes Pounder as irrational, since “sex, assuming the normal types of protection, is a far more healthy form of interaction than the consumption of alcohol and tobacco, but our society condemns the former and embraces the latter.” Pounder’s prose is clear and engaging throughout, and his frequently irreverent ideas about “inconsistent society norms” are not only incendiary but thought-provoking. Sometimes he oversteps, as when he claims, “Denying that the majority of men cheat is tantamount to denying that the majority of drivers speed,” but even those excesses make for interesting reading. An iconoclastic, argument-starting take on the battle of the sexes. - Kirkus Reviews


Five Stars (out of Five) Sorry, ladies, says pornographer; men are just natural cheaters. Men are “hard-wired” to cheat on women sexually, says pornographer Dave Pounder, who explains why in Obscene Thoughts. Pounder says that evolutionary biology teaches us that the hunter-gatherer ancestors of modern man had sex with as many women as possible to propagate the species—an impetus still alive in men today. Because of this, women need to accept that it is instinctive for men to seek multiple sexual partners, even when they’re in a supposedly monogamous relationship. This potentially controversial stance also provides much food for thought. Pounder uses unorthodox, but logical, analogies that push buttons and also show humor amid his explicit teaching techniques. Pounder applies his expertise in economics and his insider’s understanding of the porn industry to all elements of male and female relations. This includes long-term domestic partnerships and marriage. Where it might be easy to slip into a callous and jaded tone, Pounder comes across as realistic and pragmatic. That said, some readers might take offense at his casual attitude and seemingly immoral positions. Pounder addresses this with a quote from Freakonomics, a book by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner: “Morality represents the way that people would like the world to work—whereas economics represents how it actually does work.” Readers who enjoy Steven Pinker’s The Better Angels of Our Nature and Jared Diamond’s The World Until Yesterday will be enthralled by Obscene Thoughts. It strips away the thin veneer of civilization and knocks humanity off the top rung of the evolutionary ladder. Sex, once again, becomes all about fecundity and continuing the species. – Lee Gooden (ForeWord Clarion Reviews)
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 342 pages
  • Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (June 13, 2013)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1479203068
  • ISBN-13: 978-1479203062
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.8 x 8.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (45 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,119,320 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
I guess the paid reviews on Amazon and other sites are part of the game nowadays. This isn't one of them.

I'm a guy who's read a lot of evolutionary psychology, and I thought this was pretty good. The problem was that I already knew most of what was in the book, although most people probably don't. I was hoping for some kind of reconciliation and solution to the battle-of-the-sexes mentality, but the author is even more cynical than I am.

If you've read authors like David Buss, websites like bakadesuyo, and "manosphere" stuff like the red pill or roissy(heartiste), you are probably decently well-versed in the concepts this book proposes... Although this book has a more palatable tone, it still felt like reading the redpill subreddit, albeit with less fluff.

I would have liked more focus on what the porn industry taught him, because that is his unique selling point. The stuff about abused women being promiscuous could have used more citation and elaboration. A lot of the book seemed to be sort of anecdotal or inferred, which is still valid, but not ideal. However, I think evo-psych in general is plagued by over-reliance on surveys and difficulty of performing empirical research. I wouldn't have minded if the author had blatantly thrown in many more anecdotes, as long as he was clear that that's all they were.

I'm curious how the author intends to proceed with relationships now that he has written a book which blatantly and repeatedly tells men to cheat but lie about it. The fact that he would shoot himself in the foot by writing such a book makes me wonder whether he is more idealistic than he lets on. (Prioritizing honesty and the search for truth over his own reproductive success?
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Obscene thoughts.
A Pornographer’s Perspective on Sex, Love and Dating. By Dave Pounder.

As I read this book on my iPad, someone asked me what I was reading. ( a woman) and I told her. Instantly she wrinkled her nose and said, “Why are you reading that? Wait, I know why.” A huge spark of debate could have ensued as at first I felt like I had to defend myself for reading something that was NOT, pornographic… This was one of those instances where the book was being judged by its title. Now I admit I was skeptical at first, but the truth is I was pleasantly surprised. I know, you’re thinking, “You man” of course you’re pleasantly surprised. But seriously, the author does an amazing job, balancing the subject of what men and women both want out of sex, and what drives them towards the goal. It’s an argument as old as time. A romance writer once said to me. “Women give sex to get love while men give love to get sex.” That statement while bold is true.

The author, a former actor in the adult film industry, has a true insight to how both genders approach sex. An interesting example is: Women in the adult film industry didn’t care what the male actors looked like, their age, if they were built or fat…so long as they got their required pay rate. To them…it was a job.

Where the men, would take a pay cut or half their rate to do a scene with a woman who was exceptionally attractive. This was no surprise to me because guys are easily visually stimulated.
The book goes on to go into great detail the mental arguments, statistics, and pros and cons of why sex is such a hang up for most Americans.
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Format: Kindle Edition
The author’s many years in the porn industry has undoubtedly fostered this deeply cynical approach to male-female relationships. In his view, all men immediately want intercourse with every attractive woman they see, and all women judge the men they meet by the size of their bank accounts. He feels a woman owes a man sex in return for the money spent courting her with restaurants outings, jewelry and flowers, and any waiting period before falling into his bed is for appraising his financial standing. If a woman doesn’t intend to “put out,” he maintains, then she should pay the restaurant tab! He discounts male-female chemistry or romantic love, equating marriage with the simple exchange of sexual access for monetary benefit – a legal form of prostitution, in other words. Adultery, in his view is to be expected as men are at the mercy of their hormones – a point he makes over and over again. A wife who gains weight or ages should expect her mate to stray –it’s her fault because men are naturally attracted to younger, svelte women instead of older, overweight ones. The secret to a successful marriage, then, is for a wife to turn a blind eye to her mate’s inevitable infidelity, neither questioning him about it nor investigating his suspicious activities. If their “happy” home is destroyed due to his straying, it’s not the fault of the husband but of the wife for making a big deal out it! Oh, but it’s also natural for a man to exchange his aging wife for a new, younger model, something she should apparently accept with humility and gratitude for any financial compensation. Yes, and it's normal, as well, for a husband to be murderously incensed if the neglected wife dares step out on him, calling into question the paternity of "his" children.

How many ways can this author be wrong?
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